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Tottenham Hotcunts

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exhibit B

29povw2.jpg
A rich Russian on a scouting mission prior to investing a billionty billion pounds ?
 
I'm getting it at work already, I swear people at this end of the country and those who control the media refuse to see the game as it actually happens. Especially match of the day, backhanded compliment central.
 
Hey fellas, how you doin? Great night last night, ticklin' the ivories at The Bottletree, Birmingham, Alabama. Weren't my gig dudes, I'd been dragged along for my niece's 21st birthday. Now I'm a man who embraces music of every genre. I've collaborated with Joni Mitchell, Joni Joni, a face like Seabiscuit but a voice like sweet honey Mama, Sir Bob (Dylan that is, not that scruffy hombre from Water Aid), Van The Man (me and Van are like brothers man, we're always Cleaning Windows. He a Windowlene guy, me, well, I dig the Mr Muscle. The arguments we have backstage over the best is wild maaaan). My tastes span the whole musical spectrum dudes. After a night on the tiles, I spark a doobie, lay in my bed, power up my Alba separates and stick on 'Waiting For Cousteau' by Jean Michell Jarre. An hour of whales and dolphins. Out for the count fellas in seconds. I like a bit of rap as well when I'm backstage before a gig, gets the head a boppin'.

But this gig last night was not good my brothers.

Cave 9 Anniversary Show
Reunions by:
Death or El Dona
Steel City Crime
Your Loss
Brothers and Sisters
Judy Garland Death Squad
The Payoff
Alan Ogg
Ex Members of the Holy Trinity
Jim Jim Jim Jim

plus:
Ghost Mice
Droves

Food by: THE BARBECUTIONERS

My ears were being violated. Bang bang bang. Twang twang twang. Vomiting teenagers all in black. I went to the washroom and didn't spot a rogue skateboard, went flying. Lost my hat feather. Distraught dudes. Bob gave me that feather, the one he wore at The Band's Last Waltz gig.

Anyway, I'm an educator, a spreader of sweet music so in the interval I sneak onstage and bang out 'Crawfish Soirée'. Cat looks at me and mouths "Mac, no". But the moment took me and I was in MY world, my fingers gliding over the 88's. The kids loved it, lapped it up. The Welsh Elvis gets knickers thrown at him compadres. The Dr got full bottles of JD lashed on stage. Take That Tom.

Too many whiskey sours. Sore head this morning so I head to Papa Grills on 24th to get some eggs sunny side down washed down with a peaty Islay while I watch The Mighty Reds. Hey dudes, great game. I'm new to this but The Liverpool have always been my team since Ronnie James Dio from Rainbow told me about his escapades with Roger Hunt one weekend in Falaraki. W-I-L-D.

I'm not a dude who enjoys his own company so I page Joey Tempest who is in Alabama recording The Big Reunion USA. Dude says he'll be there in 5 and sure enough my man strides in right on cue, just in time for KO. To my surprise he brings along Brian Wilson. Brian is cool maaaaaaan but fucked up and he orders an Irish Coffee.

The game starts, BANG, Luis scores. Great team goal. Nice skill from the little Italian guy. Next, BANG, Stevie G slams that Gareth Bale. Brian is tucking into a HP Sauce sandwich and looks at the screen, food half hanging out of his mouth. He looked like a Mississippi Red Backed Catfish gulping for air,

"John. John" he pointed at the screen. Looked like the dude had seen a ghost.

"What is it Brian." I asked.

"It's Micky. Micky Dolenz" screamed Brian.

"Where?" I asked.

"There on the tv" he said. "The guy in the white shirt, rolling round on the floor."

I drifted back into my long lost youth and remembered being at a party with The Beachboys and The Monkees at Blondie Chapman's crib. Blondie had put up a Piñata stuffed with Purple Hearts. Brian was blindfolded and breaking more Lladro than imitation donkey. He lifted his blindfold to regain his bearings but lost his balance and fell into Micky Dolenz. Micky did the worst fake fall, reaching up, apparently to save himself, and grabbed onto the piñata which split in half. Micky lay underneath gulping the Hearts. Brian has never forgiven him.

Anyway cats, back to Papa's. Joey has gone to the toilet for a line. How he can eat salted cod after putting that up his nose I don't know. Must be a Scandinavian hard man Thor Odin thing. Brian is incoherent. I'm watching the game. Pain. 1-1. Sip my whiskey to numb the pain. Double pain. 2-1. I order an Absynth. Joey calls for help from the toilets. He's dropped an E and has got the pre high shits but can't get his spray on trousers off. I leave him to it.


S-T-E-W P-O-T. 2-2. I didn't shout Stewpot out loud because Brian would have been selling his Hawaiin shirt to Dirty Vera, Papa's resident hooker, just for an eighth of Nepalese Templeball.

Then the penalty. I expected Steven to miss. But, as cool as his slug eyebrows in a cryogenic tank (I tried a flotation tank with Neil Young once but he just kept moaning about Ontario so I left after 20 minutes) he slotted it.

I jumped. And clapped. And squealed "Yay".

That, my friend, is a post of beauty.
 
I think someone's dog died today.

Talk about being a downer.
I come home from Liverpool excited and happy after seeing us get back from being 2-1 down.
I get some deserved stick about Downing, I take it on the chin. I try to show how Downing scored and celebrated in front of me and all I get is squonk expressing how much his vagina is itching.
Great.
That pic doesn't show Downing celebrating in front of you.

Glad you enjoyed your day though 🙂
 
I'm reading reports that we got lucky. The fuck we did. They scored from opportunities created by two free kicks that shouldn't have been given, an obvious grab by Walker on Suarez that was ignored (and given Suarez's ability with free kicks lately, I'd have fancied him to have a good go at it), we should've had 4 penalties but got 1 (Walker on Coutinho; Sturridge - even though he exaggerated the fall - was tripped/kicked; the Suarez one that was given; the Vertonghen sliding tackle - we would've had the chance to kill the game with that one), yada yada.

If anything, Spurs got all the luck because the ref was shit and sided them whole heartedly. The only good things he did were how he handled the altercations between players and finally awarding one peno. I hope the Kop had sarcastically cheered him when he awarded a free kick to us. I don't see any reports saying that their second goal was a bit lucky too, got a sweet bounce off Carra's poor headed clearance and Johnson slipped at the wrong time or else he'd have been able to help cover the angle (nice finishing though).

So, the journos fuck that "we got lucky" shit. We won a hard game through some moments of quality, opportunism and poor Spurs defending rivaling ours, and then we played intelligently and defended well in the final 10 minutes after taking the lead (finally). That's what we needed to do more often to close out a game against the stronger sides. Hope we learn from that.
The Sturridge one was never a penalty. You're smoking something.
 
I don't think there was enough contact for a penalty. We see this sort of thing week in, week out and penalties aren't given. I know if had to have been given against us, I'd feel very hard done by. Can't blame the ref for not giving it either.
 
I don't think there was enough contact for a penalty. We see this sort of thing week in, week out and penalties aren't given. I know if had to have been given against us, I'd feel very hard done by. Can't blame the ref for not giving it either.

Yeah, I would too. And get, the incontrovertible fact is that the defender attempts to make a tackle and kicks Sturry in the ankle instead. Which by the letter of the law....

If it was us, we'd say it was soft, but I think we'd also berate the defender for such a stupid challenge. It was more a peno than Johnson's against Utd, for instance.
 
Anyone have any idea what all the Dembele stuff was about?

Yeah I'll tell you. He was spiteful, snidey, sneaky cunt all game. The off the ball stuff from Spurs was seemed to be an organised and concerted effort to get at us and Dembele was at the centre of it. Every decision was contested by them.

That was a gnarly, nasty performance from a side who never used to be like that. Perhaps that's why they've done better this season.

Couple of other things. Scott Parker has a mini spat with fans in the lower centenary Kop end when a ball went out of play and he went to smack the ball at him. One fan gave him some stick and he went straight back at the fan. That's not like him at all. Also he was involved in many of the one the ground tussles after the ball had gone.

Coutinho was getting the rough stuff from Dembele and others and but still kept going.

Sturridge's work rate for the first 70 minutes was abject.

Suarez is world class

Bale went down and stayed down 11 times in the game and was constantly at the ref on everything.

The Spurs fans made little or no noise

A few fans seemed tempted to make monkey noises when Bale got the ball - but it seemed like they were aware it could be misconstrued.

I have no voice left.
 
The cheeky cheeky twats, have just seen MOTD2, if they think they were hard done by they are really deluded, no one mentioned the other clear pen on Coutninho right in front of them.

to be fair to the irish plonker he stood up for Suarez and pointed out that all defenders put digs and nudges on strikers all the time.

Let's not have red tinted glasses, Suarez is a cheat and always seems to leave his leg in and give players a foot or two.

He has no chance if winning the awards this season. RVP has not scored for 8 games
 
to be fair to the irish plonker he stood up for Suarez and pointed out that all defenders put digs and nudges on strikers all the time.

Let's not have red tinted glasses, Suarez is a cheat and always seems to leave his leg in and give players a foot or two.

He has no chance if winning the awards this season. RVP has not scored for 8 games

The 'Irish plonker' is a Liverpool fan, you English dickhead.
 
Yeah I'll tell you. He was spiteful, snidey, sneaky cunt all game. The off the ball stuff from Spurs was seemed to be an organised and concerted effort to get at us and Dembele was at the centre of it. Every decision was contested by them.

That was a gnarly, nasty performance from a side who never used to be like that. Perhaps that's why they've done better this season.

Couple of other things. Scott Parker has a mini spat with fans in the lower centenary Kop end when a ball went out of play and he went to smack the ball at him. One fan gave him some stick and he went straight back at the fan. That's not like him at all. Also he was involved in many of the one the ground tussles after the ball had gone.

Coutinho was getting the rough stuff from Dembele and others and but still kept going.

Sturridge's work rate for the first 70 minutes was abject.

Suarez is world class

Bale went down and stayed down 11 times in the game and was constantly at the ref on everything.

The Spurs fans made little or no noise

A few fans seemed tempted to make monkey noises when Bale got the ball - but it seemed like they were aware it could be misconstrued.

I have no voice left.

Good points. It amazes me for such a big man, what a whimp Bale is, it's pathetic, his play acting lead to both goals though I suppose. As for Spurs being nasty, yep, it must have been even more obvious seeing it in the flesh, I found it all the more hilarious that match of the day went on to go on about the dirty side of Suarez in the analysis, completely ignoring Parker and Dembele's antics, what the hell was Parker doing over the top of Suarez, he's clearly trying to get to him, it doesn't surprise me they act so dirty, probably a trait which rubs off from there fans. It makes me very happy that you say they were quiet, it's always hard to tell on tele because they turned up the microphones near the away fans (at every ground, not just Anfield), because I always here from these Spurs super fans about how they have the best support in the league, laughable.

I noticed Sturridge as well, it's starting to bug/worry me a little bit how little effort Sturridge puts in off the ball, and the fact that he never seems happy or even bothered when another player scores. Sure he's had a great start and I'm glad he's here, but I'm worried he's not being won over by the club, maybe it'll happen with time.
 
to be fair to the irish plonker he stood up for Suarez and pointed out that all defenders put digs and nudges on strikers all the time.

Let's not have red tinted glasses, Suarez is a cheat and always seems to leave his leg in and give players a foot or two.

He has no chance if winning the awards this season. RVP has not scored for 8 games

Suarez is not a cheat, what exactly has he done that constitutes cheating? You're just buying into media drivel, I sometimes wonder if we have our own Spurs type fan in your Fox.
 
Fuck Spurs.

Suarez is the kind of player we've been missing for decades. A player who's not only brilliant, but will do anything to win and won't stop trying to do it until the ref has blown the whistle. If we had 11 players who did that every game, we'd be well on our way. Every fucking good team has a player like that - he's a fucking winner.
 
Spurs lost their cool because they got too caught-up in wrangles with Suarez, he wound them up and it worked, they started to lose their heads and make mistakes.
 
Spurs have developed, very quietly, into a pretty nasty side, but it was encouraging that we coped with that aspect of the game fairly well. There's a bit more fight in the side now.
 
Yeah, I would too. And get, the incontrovertible fact is that the defender attempts to make a tackle and kicks Sturry in the ankle instead. Which by the letter of the law....

If it was us, we'd say it was soft, but I think we'd also berate the defender for such a stupid challenge. It was more a peno than Johnson's against Utd, for instance.
Definitely more a penno than Johnson's. That was never a pen in a million years.

I think there's "contact" and then there's "reasonable contact". I think Sturridge could just as easily stayed on his feet. A few years ago I probably would have said it was a stonewaller, but these days, I'd consider it a very soft one to give.
 
Spurs have developed, very quietly, into a pretty nasty side, but it was encouraging that we coped with that aspect of the game fairly well. There's a bit more fight in the side now.

Yep. I like how we play some real good football and how the flaws we still have are easy to see and therefore should be reasonably easy to fix. I'm very confident for next season.
 
Spurs have developed, very quietly, into a pretty nasty side, but it was encouraging that we coped with that aspect of the game fairly well. There's a bit more fight in the side now.

They controlled the game for long periods. Up until the our first goal they dictated the tempo. They did so again until our second goal. The man at the centre of this was Scott Parker. Sitting deep, probing, prompting and pulling the strings but also popping up in forward positions.

The nastiness, actually it was fucking spiteful and snidey was on show throughout, and it ran throughout their team. That's the first time I've seen that from a Spurs team.

What I will say is that Gerrard met the challenge and was putting himself about their midfield in the second half and making his physical presence known, without being rash.

A word on the referee - shithouse! He was trying not to give cards. He spoke to numerous players on numerous players about their behaviour. If he'd dished a few deserved yellows early on, then most of those conversations wouldn't have been necessary.

I said in a thread recently that we missed a Souness type player who could do the nasty and the classy as required. We did without that player yesterday and won ugly. I'm delighted, because when they went 2-1 up we looked like we had no clue how to get back in it. Sometimes hard work and pressing pays dividends to force the mistake.

That was as good a 3 points as the win against Wigan, cos it showcased that we have a Plan B and can roll our sleeves up.
 
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