Opening Weekend's other footy

[Mystic]

They were in the market anyway. If van Gaal believed this defence was good enough then he's a fucking retard

I hope they fail, or end up with Ron Vlaar.

 

[Markeh]

I hate Januzaj

 

[cloggypop]

Ron Vlaar for 30 million would be boss.

 

[Markeh]

fucking hell, how slow is Gomis

 

[Hansern]

Mike Dean is useless

 

[Skullflower]

gomis just took a shit on the whole concept of bony.

 

[Mystic]

The fact that Vlaar would actually considerably strengthen there backline it's hilarious.

 

[cloggypop]

Fellaini and the flying elbows.

 

[Fabio]

Gomis looks decent in these 5 minutes

 

[Markeh]

hahaha take your card young... cunt

 

[Markeh]

that should be a red card for Felliani

 

[Athens]

Anyone else noticed how many empty seats there are?

 

[cloggypop]

So LvG has decided to go 4-4-2 and throw Fellaini up front.

Genius.

 

[jimmy]

So LvG has decided to go 4-4-2 and throw Fellaini up front.

Genius.

Plan B...

 

[Mystic]

So LvG has decided to go 4-4-2 and throw Fellaini up front.

Genius.

Has anyone seen Moyes recently? Maybe this is the footballing version of face off?

 

[Markeh]

hahahaha did a bird shit in Ashley Youngs mouth?

https://vine.co/v/M37F1mB5IzB

 

[Mystic]

Or should I say, Rather Large Face Off

 

[Fabio]

hahahaha did a bird shit in Ashley Youngs mouth?

https://vine.co/v/M37F1mB5IzB

THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING BEFORE

 

[Frogfish]

Well that's cheered me up ! Those Manc cunts won't be thinking about winning the league after that ! Their first defeat in their opening match at OT since 1972 - guess there are some records Moyes didn't claim.

Just found out my Sat TV has no EPL this season FFS ! Have to find another one but it won't be by tomorrow and that'll be another £400 down the drain 🙂

 

[Markeh]

THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING BEFORE

haha, I just thought his butch other half had been giving him grief

 

[Markeh]

use your whistle ref

 

[Athens]

How much injury time is he playing?

 

[Fabio]

How much injury time is he playing?

A million!

 

[cloggypop]

Just found out my Sat TV has no EPL this season FFS ! Have to find another one but it won't be by tomorrow and that'll be another £400 down the drain 🙂

I feel less stupid about flying tomorrow now.

 

[Markeh]

So someone worked out roughly how fortunate Young was to have a bird shit in his mouth live on tv

Probability of A Single Bird Poo hitting Ashley Young's mouth at Old Trafford on live TV

Size of a bird poo​

radius = 1 cm = 0.01 m
Surface Area = 3.142 x 10-4 m2

Size of Ashley Young's mouth​

width = 8 cm = 0.08 m
height = 5 cm = 0.05 m
Surface Area = 0.004 m2

Size of Old Trafford Pitch​

Length = 105 m
Width = 68 m
Area = 7140 m2

Probability that the bird poo lands at 'x' on Old Trafford​

P(poo = x) = Size of Bird Poo / Size of Old Trafford
P(poo = x) = 4.399 x 10-8

*Probability that Ashley Young's mouth is at 'x' on Old Trafford​

P(ash = x) = Size of Ashley Young's mouth / Size of Old Trafford
P(ash = x) = 5.602 x 10-7

Probability that a single bird poo lands in Ashley Young's mouth​

P(poo = x & ash = x) = P(ash = x) * P(poo = x)
P(poo = x & ash = x) = 2.465 x 10-14

Probability that Ashley Young is on screen​

Broadcast Length = 90 minutes
Ashley Young Face Time = 1 minute
P(Ash on TV) = 1/90

Probability that Ashley Young eats bird poo on live TV​

P(See Ash eat poo) = P(Ash on TV) * P(poo = x & ash = x)
P(See Ash eat poo) = 2.739 x 10-16
However, Ashley Young has played at Old Trafford many times, and birds have shat on Old Trafford many times more.
Let's assume that 10 birds shit on the pitch at Old Trafford during a game. Additionally, Ashley Young has played 359 professional matches (according to wikipedia), so lets assume that all of those matches provided a similar opportunity to watch Ashley eat bird poo.

overall probability of Ashley Young eating poo on live TV during his career to date:​

P(See Ash eat poo) * 10 * 359 = 9.833 x 10-13
This is equivalent to 1 in 1 trillion, which is almost as unlikely as Rooney scoring for England again.

 

[jimmy]

Lovely start to the season. Thank you Swansea.

 

[Dirty Sanchez]

Bony was slow, fat, and shit.

 

[the count]

🙂

 

[mark1975]

Dedicated to LVG x

 

[Skullflower]

What a fantastic opener. Brilliant.