Washington Redskins (Rex Grossman and John Beck), 78 Points: Rexy is too sexy for his starting job. Grossman, the quarterback who followed his team to Super Bowl XLI, looks like he is going to be following Beck on the depth chart. To best demonstrate just how poorly Sexy Rexy played this week against the Eagles we have to walk through his performance, horrendous interception by horrendous interception:
First Interception
Nickname: “The Bunch Route”
Time: 12:09 left in 1st
Rexy's Inner Monologue: "OK, what do we have here? Two of my receivers are running the same route in the same place. Odd. That is certainly drawing a lot of attention from the secondary, isn't it? Well, if they both decided to run posts right next to each other, then there is double the chance of one of them coming down with it, right? OK, here goes nothing … "
Was It "Sexy?": No, but made for a decent “arm punt.”
Second Interception
Nickname: "The Huck and Hope"
Time: 6:54 left in 2nd
Rexy's Inner Monologue: "Nice! Got through the play action without fumbling. Oh goodie, Jabar Gaffney has a step on Nate Allen deep downfield, this is going to be a big play. It feels strange having this type of protection. I’ve seen Tom Brady make this throw a million times to Jabar; he just steps into the throw and leads Gaffney into the middle of the field. You can do that too, Rex, oh wait, I’m not so sure you can do that too, Rex, they’re pretty far downfield at this point. OK, here goes nothing … "
Was It "Sexy?": No, actually humbling for a guy who is supposed to have a strong arm.
Third Interception:
Nickname: "The Miscommunication"
Time: 6:38 left in 3rd
Rexy’s Inner Monologue: "Look at Fred go, he can really move for a big fella, huh? He is going to break right in front of that scary Kurt Coleman guy, isn’t he? OK, here goes nothing. Wait, he didn’t break at all … "
Was It "Sexy?": Almost. Have to put this one on Fred Davis, though; tight ends shouldn’t be stutter-stepping more than 10 yards downfield.
Fourth Interception:
Nickname: "The Brain Fart"
Time: 2:20 left in 3rd
Rexy's Inner Monologue: "Whoa, the entire defensive line is unblocked and trying to murder me. Wait, did I call a screen pass? No? OK, no problem, I’m Rex Grossman, I am a modern-day Randall Cunningham, I’ll just roll to my left. OK, now I just have to complete a pass. Man, this is going to be hard throwing across my body. Should I go short, mid-range, or deep? Yeah, I’ll go deep, across my body to a receiver covered by a safety who already has two picks. OK, here goes nothing … "
Was It "Sexy?": Yes. Very sexy. This had all the makings of a sexy interception: bad decision, worse throw, and led to a benching.
Rex brain-farted himself out of the game and was replaced by Beck. I had never heard of John Beck, so I did some extensive research and found out that he is the father of three sons, an eagle scout, the third cousin of talk show host Glenn Beck, and the brother-in-law of mayonnaise. Wait, what? Maybe my definition of "extensive research" should expand beyond checking Wikipedia.
Hopefully we will get the chance to learn more about Beck when he is named the Redskins starter in coming weeks. He certainly earned the opportunity. He ran for a touchdown, went 8-for-15, and didn’t complete a pass to Eagles safety Kurt Coleman once.
