An interview with Kevin Nolan
Interviewer: Hi Kevin. So let's start the ball rolling with your goals. Looks like this might be your first West Ham season that you fail to score in double digits in the league.
Nolan: I've got 7 goals so far. If I could get a hat-trick against City, then that's that sorted.
Interviewer: You figure you'll get to do your famous chicken ape celebration thrice at the Etihad Stadium?
Nolan: Well, it's not going to be easy. I do love that chicken ape thing though. It's a salute to Sam. I hope I do it three times and make him happy.
Interviewer: Hallucinations aside - tell us more about yourself. You have a reputation as a brawler rather than a finesse player.
Nolan: Yeah, it's not something I like to be known for. But you know, sometimes you get an unfair rep in this game.
Interviewer: How so?
Nolan: Well, there's my build. And people look at me and start thinking a player like that isn't going to be some fancy European with silky skills.
Interviewer: But you're not a fancy European with silky skills.
Nolan: Ha, yeah. But people take it to the other extreme. If you're not a Silva, or Hazard, or Van Persie...
Interviewer: I know what you mean, mind. If you're not a skilled player, you're a Nolan-type player.
Nolan: Exactly!
Interviewer: Maybe you're not the most-coordinated player, but you're a good physical striker though.
Nolan: Right. Erm... can we go back to your earlier point about what you are if you're not a skilled player?
Interviewer: All right, moving on. So you've played for Allardyce in three clubs now. You must love him.
Nolan: Well, I still want to talk about the earlier point, but yeah, Sam's great. He's the best gaffer I've had, love him to bits.
Interviewer: And you said the chicken ape was a salute to him.
Nolan: Yeah, it's a loving rub. He knows he isn't exactly svelt. But if I look like him when I'm 59 or 60, I'd be quite pleased with how well I've kept myself.
Interviewer: What's so special about Sam?
Nolan: He's great. He chews hard. I mean, he chews us hard, and expects and gets nothing but the best efforts from the team.
Interviewer: Is he a winner though?
Nolan: Of course he is! He's won things everywhere he's gone. Well, I can't quite remember exactly, but I'll take his word for it.
Interviewer: And when you won the Championship Playoffs that season to get promoted, you must have been over the moon.
Nolan: Indeed I was. Best day of my footballing career by miles.
Interviewer: I bet Allardyce was like a boy in a candy shop that day. His best achievement as a manager in his 25-year management career.
Nolan: He was. He's been telling us he could've won a few European Cups in his day too, had he been appointed at Chelsea or Manchester City when the posts were vacated. He feels he would've done a great job at Spurs too. It's one of those things, isn't it? Sometimes opportunities don't come even when you don't deserve them.
Interviewer: Well, there's only so much revision you can do to history. Thanks a lot, Kevin. It's been nice talking to you.
Nolan: Likewise. Hey, that bit about not being a skilful striker - can we talk about that again?
Interviewer: Cheers, Kevin!
