Shrek got wrecked

[gene hughes]

Who's advising these dickheads? I understand his bird is out of town, but for a grand you can have three discreet porn stars going to town on you for a pair of hours. With his money you could go and hang in some Cheshire based Eyes Wide Shut mansion. Yet he ends up getting derailed by this fucking scut. Makes me weep.

There's definitely a gap in the market for some kind of 'debauchery sherpa' service.

You could help them climb their personal perversity Everest, Woland.

 

[Modo]

To be fair Rooney ain't no Brad Pitt either.
But what a terrible nose job. When she told the doctor that she wanted a straight nose he fucking delivered.

 

[Woland]

Until this I'd have thought someone would already be at it. Clearly not.

 

[FoxForceFive]

There's definitely a gap in the market for some kind of 'debauchery sherpa' service.

You could help them climb their personal perversity Everest, Woland.

The market is fucking full of that service.

Thing is half of these footy players are too thick to realise they should fucking use one.

 

[doctor_mac]

Now THAT nose would bother me.

 

[the count]

Now THAT nose would bother me.

Just the nose?

 

[gene hughes]

If I ever shag a footballer I must remember not to go online and see what people say about me.

 

[Athens]

Now THAT nose would bother me.

It would cut you.

 

[Woland]

If I ever shag a footballer I must remember not to go online and see what people say about me.

Simply don't take 25k off The Lying Rag and no-one will ever know

As for the bint, I've Twitter stalked her to back before she got the work done and she was half fit. Why do girls mong themselves up so bad?

 

[doctor_mac]

Just the nose?

Even it was just the nose, if every other part of her was physical perfection according to my own special criteria, it would be more than enough to have me edging away.

 

[Athens]

Her head reminds me of a pick up from a record player.

 

[gkmacca]

Apparently she said she didn't have the heart to correct Rooney when he admired her 'natural' tits. Stevie Wonder would only need a glance to tell those tits aren't real!

 

[Judge Jules]

View attachment 857

She's got "the police" and "Wayne Rooney" the wrong way round.

 

[Judge Jules]

Mike Parry's really let himself go.

Oh, I don't know....

 

[gkmacca]

I never thought I could forgive Mike Parry for...well, being Mike Parry, but then he did this, which is just so stunningly stupid in a bluenosed way I laugh every time I see it:

 

[Judge Jules]

Brilliant. How did I not know about this before? 😀

Once years ago I e-mailed the following to TalkSh!te when Parry was doing a show with Andy Townsend, who read it out on air. Parry's reaction was so huffy that even Townsend laughed at him for it:

This bluenose dies and turns up at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter comes to meet him and asks why they should let him in.
"Well, I always helped old ladies cross the road."
"So I should hope. That's not going to get you in here."
"One time I dived in the Mersey and saved this little lass from drowning."
"Better, I suppose, but those are ten a penny in here and we're getting short of space."
"OK, well, I went on the Kop at the Merseyside derby and shouted 'COME ON YOU BLUUUUUES!'."
"Now that WAS brave - when did you do that?"
"About two seconds ago."

 

[The Nomad]

'The fuck is that?

The state of her.

 

[Fabio]

'The fuck is that?

The state of her.

Like she was in the back seat in the ribery car crash

 

[LarryHagman]

She looks like a permanent snapchat.
That gob looks tight tho.