Funny Football Related 'Quotes' thread..

[tombrown]

Which was never actually said.

Nooooooo. Illusions shattered

 

[doctor_mac]

Always think it's difficult to beat Keegan's:

48. “They’re the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.”
47. “The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23.”
46. “You can’t play with a one armed goalkeeper… not at this level.”
45. “The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game.”
44. “He’ll also be very dangerous from set-pieces. That means he'll be a threat from free-kicks and corners in the final third of the field.”
43. "One of his strengths is not heading.”
42. “We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine.”
41. “I’ll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again.”
40. “I know what is around the corner – I just don’t know where the corner is.”
39. “Not many teams will come to Arsenal and get anything, home or away.”
38. “We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.”
37. “Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America.”
36. “Football’s always easier when you've got the ball.”
35. “They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different.”
34. “We managed to wrong a few rights.”
33. “That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.”
32. “Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart. It's as big as him, which isn't very big, but it's bigger.”
31. “The tide is very much in our court now.”
30. “I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different.”
29. “I’m not disappointed - just disappointed.”
28. “Life wouldn’t be worth living if you could buy confidence because the rich people would have it all and everybody else would… would have to make their own arrangements.”
27. ”He scores most of his goals when he's got the ball."
26. “Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.”
25. “I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the dressing room.”
24. “Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.”
23. ”That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved.”
22. “I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.”
21. “In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.”
20. “He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted.”
19. “Despite his white boots, he has real pace…"
18. “There’s a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who definitely won't be playing tomorrow.”
17. “The ref was vertically 15 yards away.”
16. “It could be far worse for me if it was easy for me.”
15. “The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.”
14. “You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison.”
13. “Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa.”
12. “You’re not just getting international football, you're getting world football.”
11. “Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him.”
10. “Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.”
9. “England can end the millennium as it started – as the greatest football nation in the world.”
8. “I’ve had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.”
7. “I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.”
6. “It’s understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney.”
5. “England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none.”
4. “He’s using his strength. And that is his strength – his strength.”
3. “There’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.”
2. “The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful.”
1. “You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw…”

I laughed pretty hard at this. There were tears and snotters.

 

[doctor_mac]

Nooooooo. Illusions shattered

Yeah, I'm so disappointed.

 

[gkmacca]

Yeah, I'm so disappointed.

As a modest counterbalance, this one from Brian Johnston DID happen:

"Neil Harvey's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle".

 

[Judge Jules]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4mC3Y4Dw-E

 

[tombrown]

Yeah, I'm so disappointed.

Next you're going to tell me "Lilly, bowled Willie, caught Dilly" (or similar combo, E&OE) never happened either

 

[Judge Jules]

I'm going with a friend to hear Aggers and Bumble Lloyd do an evening of cricket chat in about 3 weeks' time. If I get the chance I'll ask Aggers about that immortal incident. Positively THE funniest minute or so of radio I've ever heard.

 

[gkmacca]

I'm going with a friend to hear Aggers and Bumble Lloyd do an evening of cricket chat in about 3 weeks' time. If I get the chance I'll ask Aggers about that immortal incident. Positively THE funniest minute or so of radio I've ever heard.

I envy you, I'd love to go to one of those. Amazing now to think how mortified they both were for a day or so after. Johnston thought he'd been unprofessional and stormed home in a terrible mood, and Aggers, seeing that, felt horrified he'd caused him so much distress. It was only after they slowly started hearing of the reaction in those pre-twitter days that they both realised it was okay.

 

[Judge Jules]

Ah. Last part noted, but perhaps I shouldn't mention it after all? I was thinking of asking what Aggers had been doing to make Johnston splutter "Do stop it!".

 

[gkmacca]

Ah. Last part noted, but perhaps I shouldn't mention it after all? I was thinking of asking what Aggers had been doing to make Johnston splutter "Do stop it!".

Oh no, I gather he loves talking about it!



On footballing matters, surely one of the stupidest contributions was from Stephen Bywater, who thought he was being very polite on TV when, instead of saying the c-word, he decided just to spell it out!

 

[TheFasterBlade]

Next you're going to tell me "Lilly, bowled Willie, caught Dilly" (or similar combo, E&OE) never happened either

There is an Australian band called TISM who have a song called ‘Lillee caught Dilley bowled Milli Vanilli’

Yes, they’re weird

 

[Skullflower]

Stuart Pearce on his fans:

"It can be a bit of a hindrance when you walk into a restaurant for a quiet meal and one or two launch into 'Psycho, Psycho'!"

 

[Pesam]

I'm going with a friend to hear Aggers and Bumble Lloyd do an evening of cricket chat in about 3 weeks' time. If I get the chance I'll ask Aggers about that immortal incident. Positively THE funniest minute or so of radio I've ever heard.

I was driving up the M6 listening to that commentary in 1991 and was laughing as uncontrollably as the 2 of 'em.

 

[Skullflower]

"He wears a suit; so he's a tactician. He wears a tracksuit; so he's a motivator. He carries a clipboard; so he's a bus conductor."
Stuart Pearce on Rafa Benitez ahead of City's match with Liverpool at Eastlands

 

[leftpeg]

I'm going with a friend to hear Aggers and Bumble Lloyd do an evening of cricket chat in about 3 weeks' time. If I get the chance I'll ask Aggers about that immortal incident. Positively THE funniest minute or so of radio I've ever heard.

I saw this last year...it’s great entertainment. You’ll love Bumble’s finale.

Aggers and Boycott is also a good night.

 

[Rosco]

Conte bigging up his new signing:

"When there is an injury to one of your best players it is not simple, especially when on the bench the only substitute is Ross Barkley."