really sorry to hear about this, my thoughts are with you all, especially your children. good luck.
Divorce... WTF?!?!
- Thread starter Whaddapie
- Start date
- Latest activity Latest activity:
[quote author=Stulikesdrums link=topic=46147.msg1368249#msg1368249 date=1311282471]
Tough break Jules, so close!
[/quote]
Ah well, there's always Portly. 😉
Tough break Jules, so close!
[/quote]
Ah well, there's always Portly. 😉
[quote author=Judge Jules link=topic=46147.msg1368589#msg1368589 date=1311359912]
[quote author=Stulikesdrums link=topic=46147.msg1368249#msg1368249 date=1311282471]
Tough break Jules, so close!
[/quote]
Ah well, there's always Portly. 😉
[/quote]
I believe/think that Asbo is older than you.
And there's always Richey.....
[quote author=Stulikesdrums link=topic=46147.msg1368249#msg1368249 date=1311282471]
Tough break Jules, so close!
[/quote]
Ah well, there's always Portly. 😉
[/quote]
I believe/think that Asbo is older than you.
And there's always Richey.....
Well, that didn't hurt at all...
Nothing like hearing the woman who's been your life your entire adult life tell you that there's nothing you can say or do to make her change her mind - She'll be filling the divorce papers soon. I just do not understand any of this... From happy and strong (or so she told me) to divorced in 6 months.
They say that divorce is like a death - I think it's worse. I would imagine that when a spouse passes, those left behind, though devastated, can take some small comfort from the fact that their spouse didn't leave voluntarily and that they loved their partner as they shuffled this mortal coil. There's no such comfort when your wife leaves you, and there's no clearer proof that she doesn't love anymore than when she files for divorce. Also, when your spouse passes, you don't have to worry about who's in her bed now, or who will be replacing you, who will be spending time around your kids, etc...
This fucking blows.
Nothing like hearing the woman who's been your life your entire adult life tell you that there's nothing you can say or do to make her change her mind - She'll be filling the divorce papers soon. I just do not understand any of this... From happy and strong (or so she told me) to divorced in 6 months.
They say that divorce is like a death - I think it's worse. I would imagine that when a spouse passes, those left behind, though devastated, can take some small comfort from the fact that their spouse didn't leave voluntarily and that they loved their partner as they shuffled this mortal coil. There's no such comfort when your wife leaves you, and there's no clearer proof that she doesn't love anymore than when she files for divorce. Also, when your spouse passes, you don't have to worry about who's in her bed now, or who will be replacing you, who will be spending time around your kids, etc...
This fucking blows.
Hear hear. A day at a time, old friend.
Thoughts going out . . .
I think marriage places the same distasteful value on a persons life as slavery does. You know a slave is owned 100% by their master, whereas a husband and wife effectively own 50% of each other. What's the difference? They're both solutions of the same wrongful equation
You could look at divorce as a type of emancipation
You could look at divorce as a type of emancipation
Dantes- I know you find empathy impossible, but I think you should just fuck off from this thread.
Well said Doc.
[quote author=Whaddapie link=topic=46147.msg1368700#msg1368700 date=1311390824]
Well, that didn't hurt at all...
Nothing like hearing the woman who's been your life your entire adult life tell you that there's nothing you can say or do to make her change her mind - She'll be filling the divorce papers soon. I just do not understand any of this... From happy and strong (or so she told me) to divorced in 6 months.
They say that divorce is like a death - I think it's worse. I would imagine that when a spouse passes, those left behind, though devastated, can take some small comfort from the fact that their spouse didn't leave voluntarily and that they loved their partner as they shuffled this mortal coil. There's no such comfort when your wife leaves you, and there's no clearer proof that she doesn't love anymore than when she files for divorce. Also, when your spouse passes, you don't have to worry about who's in her bed now, or who will be replacing you, who will be spending time around your kids, etc...
This fucking blows.
[/quote]
that's awful - the shock and upheaval must be unbearable at the moment. but try - try - to see the 'positives': at least your kids still have a mother, and no matter what you think of her, that has to be better than a death.
Well, that didn't hurt at all...
Nothing like hearing the woman who's been your life your entire adult life tell you that there's nothing you can say or do to make her change her mind - She'll be filling the divorce papers soon. I just do not understand any of this... From happy and strong (or so she told me) to divorced in 6 months.
They say that divorce is like a death - I think it's worse. I would imagine that when a spouse passes, those left behind, though devastated, can take some small comfort from the fact that their spouse didn't leave voluntarily and that they loved their partner as they shuffled this mortal coil. There's no such comfort when your wife leaves you, and there's no clearer proof that she doesn't love anymore than when she files for divorce. Also, when your spouse passes, you don't have to worry about who's in her bed now, or who will be replacing you, who will be spending time around your kids, etc...
This fucking blows.
[/quote]
that's awful - the shock and upheaval must be unbearable at the moment. but try - try - to see the 'positives': at least your kids still have a mother, and no matter what you think of her, that has to be better than a death.
When you lose a loved one to death, you get to grieve. Yoqu look back through tears and remember the good and sad times. When the loved one basically says she doesn't love yow u anymore, you don't get to grieve. You just get to look back on seven years of regret, and wish you had a chance to correct the mistakes, to have cherished what y ou should have.
But you can't, so yeah. This is worse than death, since I've lost people to both. I hope people understand what Dallas was trying to say. He doesn't wish her dead, and I don't wish mine that either. The only death that stops the hurt is your own anyway.
What was it the Crow said?
Love is stronger than death.
Ha.
Unfortunately death prevents you from ever being able to even try to fix the mistakes made, and even if you know you cant a, I guess you can't help but try.
But you can't, so yeah. This is worse than death, since I've lost people to both. I hope people understand what Dallas was trying to say. He doesn't wish her dead, and I don't wish mine that either. The only death that stops the hurt is your own anyway.
What was it the Crow said?
Love is stronger than death.
Ha.
Unfortunately death prevents you from ever being able to even try to fix the mistakes made, and even if you know you cant a, I guess you can't help but try.
Mate sorry to be blunt, so brutal to hear you this way. She's turning her back on the brightest part of any adults life - bringing up a young family,- anyone that turns their back on that, especially a woman - really it says more about where they are than you. I find that incredulous and I'm a feckin stranger
[quote author=localny link=topic=46147.msg1369619#msg1369619 date=1311566354]
Mate sorry to be blunt, so brutal to hear you this way. She's turning her back on the brightest part of any adults life - bringing up a young family,- anyone that turns their back on that, especially a woman - really it says more about where they are than you. I find that incredulous and I'm a feckin stranger
[/quote]
I disagree. Bringing up kids in a relationship that's dead from one or both sides can sometimes not be conducive for the best parenting skills. I left my wife 3 weeks before our son was born. For you or anyone to understand the how's and why's you'd have to be me. The same goes for Whad's situation, you can judge him or his wife, but you're doing from a distance based on your own pre-judgements.
I have a better relationship with my kids now I've left because I'm a happier person and they get the best out of me.
Mate sorry to be blunt, so brutal to hear you this way. She's turning her back on the brightest part of any adults life - bringing up a young family,- anyone that turns their back on that, especially a woman - really it says more about where they are than you. I find that incredulous and I'm a feckin stranger
[/quote]
I disagree. Bringing up kids in a relationship that's dead from one or both sides can sometimes not be conducive for the best parenting skills. I left my wife 3 weeks before our son was born. For you or anyone to understand the how's and why's you'd have to be me. The same goes for Whad's situation, you can judge him or his wife, but you're doing from a distance based on your own pre-judgements.
I have a better relationship with my kids now I've left because I'm a happier person and they get the best out of me.
Indeed Spion. I was only two when my mum left my dad but it's probably one of the best things she ever did. Bringing children up in an unhappy home out of some misguided sense of duty is not doing what's best for the children. If you have a duty, it is to put the children's happiness first. And children can only be happy if their parents are.
[quote author=Delinquent link=topic=46147.msg1369676#msg1369676 date=1311584081]
Indeed Spion. I was only two when my mum left my dad but it's probably one of the best things she ever did. Bringing children up in an unhappy home out of some misguided sense of duty is not doing what's best for the children. If you have a duty, it is to put the children's happiness first. And children can only be happy if their parents are.
[/quote]
And in so many splits one or both parties forget the needs of the children and continue with petty point scoring. Whilst my wife and have issues between us, we will not and have not let these spill over to our respective relationships with the children. I have enormous respect for her because of this.
Indeed Spion. I was only two when my mum left my dad but it's probably one of the best things she ever did. Bringing children up in an unhappy home out of some misguided sense of duty is not doing what's best for the children. If you have a duty, it is to put the children's happiness first. And children can only be happy if their parents are.
[/quote]
And in so many splits one or both parties forget the needs of the children and continue with petty point scoring. Whilst my wife and have issues between us, we will not and have not let these spill over to our respective relationships with the children. I have enormous respect for her because of this.
I've just told my wife that I've fallen in love with someone else, and that I want us to get divorced. I was fully expecting her to be angry and hateful and in mourning for months, if not years. But, although she was sad and stunned, she was unbelievably understanding and accepting about it. She agrees that we should stay friends and do our best to stay calm and united in front of the kids. I have never been more surprised, or had more respect, for anyone than I do right now for my wife.
Obviously it might hit her later and there might be a lot more darkness and sadness to come, but I don't think she's going to do a total U-turn on this. Maybe, just maybe, we can prove that divorce does not *have* to be the most painful and bitter and hateful experience in life?
Obviously it might hit her later and there might be a lot more darkness and sadness to come, but I don't think she's going to do a total U-turn on this. Maybe, just maybe, we can prove that divorce does not *have* to be the most painful and bitter and hateful experience in life?
That was not meant to be a rebuke or a criticism of anybody, btw. All relationships are different, and no two people react to an emotional crisis in the same way. I'm just relieved and grateful to be able to offer another perspective on this subject.
[quote author=TheBunnyman link=topic=46147.msg1369748#msg1369748 date=1311592572]
I've just told my wife that I've fallen in love with someone else, and that I want us to get divorced. I was fully expecting her to be angry and hateful and in mourning for months, if not years. But, although she was sad and stunned, she was unbelievably understanding and accepting about it. She agrees that we should stay friends and do our best to stay calm and united in front of the kids. I have never been more surprised, or had more respect, for anyone than I do right now for my wife.
Obviously it might hit her later and there might be a lot more darkness and sadness to come, but I don't think she's going to do a total U-turn on this. Maybe, just maybe, we can prove that divorce does not *have* to be the most painful and bitter and hateful experience in life?
[/quote]
Well mate, that must have been very hard to do, but having met you, you're not one to duck a thorny issue.
It doesn't have to painful and bitter, but usually that's when both sides are adult enough to admit its not working and therefore want or need to move on in their lives. The respect thing I can get too, because one of the main reasons I left my wife was the lack of respect / love she showed me. The way she has conducted herself since I've left re: the children and how we do this without ending up very bitter and twisted and replenished a large part of the respect I lost for her during the really shit times.
You may find that there will be some fall out at some point purely because it hasn't sunk in yet. Good luck with it all, and I hope it all works out for the best for all involved.
I've just told my wife that I've fallen in love with someone else, and that I want us to get divorced. I was fully expecting her to be angry and hateful and in mourning for months, if not years. But, although she was sad and stunned, she was unbelievably understanding and accepting about it. She agrees that we should stay friends and do our best to stay calm and united in front of the kids. I have never been more surprised, or had more respect, for anyone than I do right now for my wife.
Obviously it might hit her later and there might be a lot more darkness and sadness to come, but I don't think she's going to do a total U-turn on this. Maybe, just maybe, we can prove that divorce does not *have* to be the most painful and bitter and hateful experience in life?
[/quote]
Well mate, that must have been very hard to do, but having met you, you're not one to duck a thorny issue.
It doesn't have to painful and bitter, but usually that's when both sides are adult enough to admit its not working and therefore want or need to move on in their lives. The respect thing I can get too, because one of the main reasons I left my wife was the lack of respect / love she showed me. The way she has conducted herself since I've left re: the children and how we do this without ending up very bitter and twisted and replenished a large part of the respect I lost for her during the really shit times.
You may find that there will be some fall out at some point purely because it hasn't sunk in yet. Good luck with it all, and I hope it all works out for the best for all involved.
[quote author=TheBunnyman link=topic=46147.msg1369750#msg1369750 date=1311592659]
That was not meant to be a rebuke or a criticism of anybody, btw. All relationships are different, and no two people react to an emotional crisis in the same way. I'm just relieved and grateful to be able to offer another perspective on this subject.
[/quote]
It didn't come across as criticism of anyone.
The bit in bold is so so true but often the bit that most people forget when dealing with this types of situation, especially from the outside looking in.
That was not meant to be a rebuke or a criticism of anybody, btw. All relationships are different, and no two people react to an emotional crisis in the same way. I'm just relieved and grateful to be able to offer another perspective on this subject.
[/quote]
It didn't come across as criticism of anyone.
The bit in bold is so so true but often the bit that most people forget when dealing with this types of situation, especially from the outside looking in.
[quote author=themn link=topic=46147.msg1368593#msg1368593 date=1311360900]
[quote author=Judge Jules link=topic=46147.msg1368589#msg1368589 date=1311359912]
[quote author=Stulikesdrums link=topic=46147.msg1368249#msg1368249 date=1311282471]
Tough break Jules, so close!
[/quote]
Ah well, there's always Portly. 😉
[/quote]
I believe/think that Asbo is older than you.
And there's always Richey.....
[/quote]
Haha. I am only 31 you know! That word 'only' is starting to feel slightly misplaced now admittedly!
Whaddapie, I can add nothing from personal experience but I do genuinely wish nothing but the very best at the end of all this for you and your family.
[quote author=Judge Jules link=topic=46147.msg1368589#msg1368589 date=1311359912]
[quote author=Stulikesdrums link=topic=46147.msg1368249#msg1368249 date=1311282471]
Tough break Jules, so close!
[/quote]
Ah well, there's always Portly. 😉
[/quote]
I believe/think that Asbo is older than you.
And there's always Richey.....
[/quote]
Haha. I am only 31 you know! That word 'only' is starting to feel slightly misplaced now admittedly!
Whaddapie, I can add nothing from personal experience but I do genuinely wish nothing but the very best at the end of all this for you and your family.
[quote author=Spionkop69 link=topic=46147.msg1369688#msg1369688 date=1311585188]
[quote author=Delinquent link=topic=46147.msg1369676#msg1369676 date=1311584081]
Indeed Spion. I was only two when my mum left my dad but it's probably one of the best things she ever did. Bringing children up in an unhappy home out of some misguided sense of duty is not doing what's best for the children. If you have a duty, it is to put the children's happiness first. And children can only be happy if their parents are.
[/quote]
And in so many splits one or both parties forget the needs of the children and continue with petty point scoring. Whilst my wife and have issues between us, we will not and have not let these spill over to our respective relationships with the children. I have enormous respect for her because of this.
[/quote]
every relationship is different.
i just wish my wife had tried to talk to me when she was feeling unhappy. maybe she tried and i wasnt responsive.
i dont know, i just know id have liked to have worked things out, or at least tried to. i dont know if i still can, though i would like to try.
[quote author=Delinquent link=topic=46147.msg1369676#msg1369676 date=1311584081]
Indeed Spion. I was only two when my mum left my dad but it's probably one of the best things she ever did. Bringing children up in an unhappy home out of some misguided sense of duty is not doing what's best for the children. If you have a duty, it is to put the children's happiness first. And children can only be happy if their parents are.
[/quote]
And in so many splits one or both parties forget the needs of the children and continue with petty point scoring. Whilst my wife and have issues between us, we will not and have not let these spill over to our respective relationships with the children. I have enormous respect for her because of this.
[/quote]
every relationship is different.
i just wish my wife had tried to talk to me when she was feeling unhappy. maybe she tried and i wasnt responsive.
i dont know, i just know id have liked to have worked things out, or at least tried to. i dont know if i still can, though i would like to try.
[quote author=TheBunnyman link=topic=46147.msg1369748#msg1369748 date=1311592572]
I've just told my wife that I've fallen in love with someone else,
[/quote]
I told you. No, I'm not interested.
I've just told my wife that I've fallen in love with someone else,
[/quote]
I told you. No, I'm not interested.
[quote author=TheBunnyman link=topic=46147.msg1369748#msg1369748 date=1311592572]
I've just told my wife that I've fallen in love with someone else, and that I want us to get divorced. I was fully expecting her to be angry and hateful and in mourning for months, if not years. But, although she was sad and stunned, she was unbelievably understanding and accepting about it. She agrees that we should stay friends and do our best to stay calm and united in front of the kids. I have never been more surprised, or had more respect, for anyone than I do right now for my wife.
Obviously it might hit her later and there might be a lot more darkness and sadness to come, but I don't think she's going to do a total U-turn on this. Maybe, just maybe, we can prove that divorce does not *have* to be the most painful and bitter and hateful experience in life?
[/quote]
That sounds far too simple. She was either banging someone too or immediately started coldly planning to cut your wang off.
I've just told my wife that I've fallen in love with someone else, and that I want us to get divorced. I was fully expecting her to be angry and hateful and in mourning for months, if not years. But, although she was sad and stunned, she was unbelievably understanding and accepting about it. She agrees that we should stay friends and do our best to stay calm and united in front of the kids. I have never been more surprised, or had more respect, for anyone than I do right now for my wife.
Obviously it might hit her later and there might be a lot more darkness and sadness to come, but I don't think she's going to do a total U-turn on this. Maybe, just maybe, we can prove that divorce does not *have* to be the most painful and bitter and hateful experience in life?
[/quote]
That sounds far too simple. She was either banging someone too or immediately started coldly planning to cut your wang off.
i believe it was freud who said that woman never leave unless they've found someone else. i don't think i've ever seen anything contradict that. has anyone else?
