Divorce... WTF?!?!

[Spionkop69]

[quote author=Delinquent link=topic=46147.msg1367445#msg1367445 date=1311121149]
The one piece of advice I would offer is, however much your partner may attempt to poison the kids against you, or use them as a weapon, never be tempted to do the same in return. Be the bigger person. Quite simply, just be the person you've always been. A bit of consistency for a child in such turmoil can be a real source of comfort. If you have faith in the way you've brought your children up, then have faith in their judgement. They may not fully understand everything when they're young, but when they grow up, they'll love and respect you for it. They'll know, in retrospect, that you allowed them to make their own minds up, free of prejudice. They'll know that their happiness was more important to you than point-scoring. And you'll know that you did the best by them.

[/quote]

Yes, all this is quite simply the "right" way. No one's kids deserve to be brought into the turmoils of someone's marriage. They need to be cherished and protected throughout and the consistency is the key.

Good post.

 

[Spionkop69]

Oh and lots of people on here are going through relationship issues.

Perhaps we need to address our use of the internet!!!

 

[FoxForceFive]

Maybe it's just me, but to save a relationship I think you need a sign from both parties that this is possible, if only one feels like that, then I think it just protracts the situation, & makes it difficult & downright uncomfortable for the person who has decided it's over, even leading to downright dislike.

 

[Judge Jules]

It's certainly true that you can't force a relationship to survive if it really is played out. I think what I'm saying is that one shouldn't necessarily assume straight away that that's the case. Ongoing dialogue and/or outside counselling can and do save relationships (those that can be saved anyway) if given a chance to work, though there may well be a need for some period of separation first.

 

[TheBunnyman]

I think I may be able to add something to this thread quite soon.

In the meantime, I fully agree with Delinquent, Jon, Nessie and Spion.

 

[LeTallecWiz]

[quote author=FoxForceFive link=topic=46147.msg1367570#msg1367570 date=1311158567]
Maybe it's just me, but to save a relationship I think you need a sign from both parties that this is possible, if only one feels like that, then I think it just protracts the situation, & makes it difficult & downright uncomfortable for the person who has decided it's over, even leading to downright dislike.
[/quote]

100% right there mate.

I hope everything turns out for the better for you Bunny ...

Sheesh ... This thread is reassuring (the brotherhood of the site), yet so depressing.

 

[cochyn]

WOW whaddy i am sorry to hear what's happening to ya! The first thing that comes to mind is oh dear god reading your long post about what's happened to you was a extreme case of DEJA-VU!! I went throught the same thing 2.5 years ago, although i have not done the divorce part yet due to work situation and financial situation. I am thankful that i had no children and i feel for you and them that they are having to go through this.
The stand out things here i could not improve on are the dignity comments and the never you use your kids as pawns, the AA meeting type things sounds ace, i did something similar myself and it helped loads.
All i can say now keep your chin up and keep up the good fight you will reap what you sow now in this situation. Good luck!

 

[gene hughes]

I think it's pretty obvious what's happening here. Years of talking to glock, rebel 23, dreamy, brendan, nikeser, rogerrederer, and many others, is slowly eroding our ability to communicate with normal people.

 

[localny]

you left Brendan out. I remember Whaddapie taking on the Mighty Brenda from NJ many a time..

 

[gene hughes]

I included Brendan. I for one will never forget my wife's face the first time I called her a gurning thundercunt.

 

[TheBunnyman]

Ha ha ha ha.

Do you wish Jean would leave you, Gene?

 

[gene hughes]

No. I wish I could de-age her though. It was a lot more fun licking her armpits twenty years ago.

 

[HC]

Avvy that's fucking shitty.

I don't think out of manners among many other variables that I'd allow myself to drag someone across the world for a year, out of their comfort zone to then tell them I no longer love them/want to be with them.

I'd be fucking livid with her, if i were in your shoes.

It's just shitty.


Hope things work out for you and every one else in this thread who's going through shitty patches.

 

[Judge Jules]

[quote author=TheBunnyman link=topic=46147.msg1367582#msg1367582 date=1311160110]
I think I may be able to add something to this thread quite soon.

In the meantime, I fully agree with Delinquent, Jon, Nessie and Spion.
[/quote]

Sorry to hear that, Bunny. In my thoughts.

 

[Avmenon]

Thanks for all the kind comments, but I think I don't want to talk about it anymore in public.

It was my fault for posting about it here, but I'm not really able to analyse whether she means what she says or not. When she returns we're going to talk about it and if she decides its over there's no point bursting into tears and begging her to stay. I hope she finds happiness with whomever she's with.

There is no cultural difference, if someone tells you she doesnt love you anymore and means it, it's over whichever country you're in.

I've made terrible career and personal choices and am suffering for it now. Will just have to keep treading water until and if i reach dry land

 

[TheFasterBlade]

Good luck mate. I hope opening up on the forum has lifted a little bit of weight off your shoulders, at least.

 

[dmishra]

No advice to offer but I do hope everything works out for both Whaddapie and Avvy.

Lol at Gene btw.

 

[vantage]

Avvy, we all make mistakes from time to time - I have made some fairly major career mistakes, but the trick is to learn from them.

 

[Y1]

[quote author=vantage link=topic=46147.msg1367955#msg1367955 date=1311240639]
Avvy, we all make mistakes from time to time - I have made some fairly major career mistakes, but the trick is to learn from them.
[/quote]

so true. as long we have life, there is always new opportunities, and avvy is barely 40. i made a major decision when 37. now only beginning to enjoy the fruits. 20 years later.

 

[Judge Jules]

That makes you even older than I am.

I feel almost guilty for getting some good news out of this thread.

 

[Avmenon]

Mike's a year older than you,Jules..if I'm not mistaken.

Again,thanks for the support.

 

[Y1]

56 this year mate

 

[Judge Jules]

Blast. In that case I'm older than you after all - my 56th was last November. ;D

Avvy - always welcome, you know that.

 

[Y1]

56 this october so you are my elder bro! hah

 

[Ossi]

[quote author=dmishra link=topic=46147.msg1367893#msg1367893 date=1311224987]
No advice to offer but I do hope everything works out for both Whaddapie and Avvy.

Lol at Gene btw.
[/quote]

X2.

Perhaps one advice though: looking back or beeing bitter has never brought something good to life. In fact I think that the best "revenge" is to get a better life than before/ than her. It's tough but look at the horizon, it's not that far away. You only live once, do the best of it.

 

[Stulikesdrums]

Tough break Jules, so close!

 

[localny]

I run my own gig Y1 and in my late 30s! Never sure if I made right choice. What was the choice you made as I am always looking to learn! If you can tell!

 

[Y1]

I gave up accountancy and started a media business, totally different from what I was trained in but I found the need for it in my city at that time. I gave myself 2 years to make it otherwise I would go back to digits and numbers. Well I survived, but not in a big way overnight. It more than pay for living expenses and the family but we were frugal. I enjoyed the business more than crunching numbers so that kept me going. There were some occasional sweet fruits along the way but now the harvest is much bigger. I have gone through 2 world and country financial crisis, and survived. I suppose having accountancy and business training helped me run a business, whatever it may be.

The main thing is you must have the passion for what you are doing, have the skill or is able to employ or partner someone with the skills you do not have. Start small, work smart and hard. To get business from the network and contacts initially was tough but once you get a few deals it gets easier. Most of my business now are referred by clients and repeats. It is a service you are offering. If it is not good no one will come back to you.

Hope that helps L

 

[localny]

Thanks man. Great story

 

[doctor_mac]

My thoughts are with everyone here who's going through a split. I'm sure you guys will emerge from this happy and fulfilled in the end.