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Depression

I've also heard some people say that suicide is just a cry for help, or even attention. I don't think it is at all. I think in most cases people who think about that aren't thinking about killing themselves, they dont want to 'die'. They just want the feelings of sadness and uselessness to go away. They want to stop waking up and thinking 'why bother with another day of this'. It's just going to end the same way as last night did.

Those who don't end it all probably think or hope that things may eventually get better and those feelings eventually diminish. Can't live without any hope at all. Couldnt support this club anyway haha, being a Liverpool fan is all about hope, for one thing.

Singe's point about suicide not being the coward's way out is dead on (pardon the expression)...it's one thing to think 'wouldnt it be nice if i were dead and didnt have all these feelings...'self-loathing' is in fact the best description i've heard (thanks Singe)...it's quite another to actually take the steps to end it...its not surprising, because they DON'T want to die.

They just want it to stop hurting, they want to stop feeling useless, they want to stop thinking about all the regrets and mistakes they've made in their lives, and how they've wasted their life.

I guess they take one step at a time, and try to fix what they did wrong and that if they keep doing that every day as often as they can; those feelings eventually arent there anymore.
 
Thanks for sharing that Single - I'll buy you 3 beers next time you pop into this area (but not when you're undercover, ok?)
 
Wow Single. Glad you didn't turn the key. Thanks for sharing that. And good to hear that you're now content- you deserve it.
 
Your post really moved me Singlerider.

Thank you for your honesty. I can relate, as my Mum has suffered from depression most of her adult life.

I always felt a bit guilty that I could enjoy things she couldn't. Things she should have enjoyed more than me.
 
I hope this ends up in the vaults as it is a wonderful thread, well worth rereading again and again.
Not that I enjoy reading about other people's woes but it is so full of honesty and bravery it would be a shame if it wasn't preserved.

Hats off to all the lads who have contributed so openly to a wonderful thread
 
Single's post alobe would put this in the vault; and thats before even including the other excellent posts in here..
 
Amazing post Single, all of it. Particularly the part about internal dialogue. Such fantastic advice and really stated simply in a way that I think few people would think of on their own but which makes so much sense.


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One of the struggles I have regarding depression treatment in my particular workplace is the fact that antidepressants are pretty widely prescribed for First Nations (aboriginal, Indian) patients. Not sure if anyone is particularly familiar with Canadian history but the residential school system in the early to mid 20th century caused amazing damage to a large, significant portion of the aboriginal population. It is not solely responsible for but has contributed to ridiculously high rates of mental health disorders, substance abuse, an absence of parenting skills. sexual dysfunction, poverty and issues of identity and shame. These are significant issues which need to.be treated. However there are not the resources for mental health workers in northern communities and all too often these issues either go untreated or are treated solely with medication. My job as a pharmacist is to offer counselling and support related to the medications I dispense. However, over 70% of my patients live in remote, fly-in reserves and I will likely never see or speak with them, let alone offer proper support. And First Nations people are notoriously non-compliant with medication regimens. As most anyone who has been on antidepressants can tell you, when you stop them abruptly (or sometimes miss doses or occasionally even if youre late taking your dose) you often experience adverse effects. Now the doctors frequently just fax in a prescription and give very little info to the patient and, other than sending the info sheet, I dont have the opportunity to offer very much information. I wonder if this is doing more harm than help for the majority of these patients. They are certainly being underserved (by the healthcare system and by Canada in general) but are they actually being harmed?
 
Interesting post DSE. It raises questions that I would never have thought of. Do you notice that certain issues are more common/arise in certain times of the year like winter? I think the environment that surrounds people can have a big part to play in these issues.
 
In terms of "major depression" I dont really see too much of a temporal or seasonal flux. However. there is there is something called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This is essentially a milder form of mood depression in the winter months, triggered by a lack of vitamin D from sunlight. For obvious reasons this is predominantly a condition found in Canada, Alaska, Russia and the Nordic countries. Ive seen some evidence suggesting over 80 percent of Canadians are vitamin D deficient for parts of the winter (although obviously most do not exhibit symptoms of SAD). Treatment for SAD is typically with these special lamps that cost a couple hundred dollars that mimic sunlight and fool your brain into reacting as though you are in sunlight. AFAIK the evidence for their benefit is mixed. Ive never been diagnosed with SAD but Ive always been prone to bouts of minor depression and mood lability (swings) which Ive always attributed to irregular sleep patterns (and when growing up to low self esteem). About three or four years ago I had booked a trip to Cancun in late winter/early spring and so that I didnt blind people with The Lying Rag's reflection off my pale body, I started going to tanning salons to get a bit of a tan before the trip. I found an almost instantaneous benefit to my mood after just a few sessions. So Ive continued to tan since and have found that my mood, sleep and skin are all far better when I tan about once a week.

In terms of my First Nations patients the relevant environmental factor is predominantly poverty. In much the same way as black innercity youths often find themselves without positive rolemodels or intact family units, First Nations also deal with this as well as a lasting legacy of physical, mental and sexual abuse during the residential school era which has now been passed on through the last few generations. Combined with disenfranchisement from their land, ongoing racism in Canadian society and genuine third world living conditions (especially in contrast to the high standard of living experienced by most Canadians) it is a fertile environment for mental health disorders. And to obtain an education and break out of the cycle of poverty, First Nations must leave their people, culture and language (as well as communities frequently no larger than a few hundred people) to move to urban centres, a profoundly jarring transition. Moving to where I live and work now has been a big eye-opener for me in terms of the social and healh issues faced by First Nations people. Its a shocking state of affairs for a country as affluent as Canada and really deserves a lot more attention (although perhaps not in this thread as the scope of issues faced is a bit off-topic). somethin
 
[quote author=darkstarexodus link=topic=47687.msg1437909#msg1437909 date=1323059473]
Amazing post Single, all of it. Particularly the part about internal dialogue. Such fantastic advice and really stated simply in a way that I think few people would think of on their own but which makes so much sense.

[/quote]

The internal dialogue bit has stayed in my head. I beat myself up in my head all the time. Worrying about things I've said and how they were taken which leads to the catastrophrising which I do so well.

Made total sense and the coping mechanisms / solutions are common sense too - arent they always. That's the thing, most of dealing with this is common sense and I believe I have that about most things except myself.

Cheers Single, will put some of that into play in my own life.
 
Feel the same way.

I only wish I realised this earlier; I might have made better choices in the past.

Now it's too late
 
[quote author=Avvy link=topic=47687.msg1437970#msg1437970 date=1323079053]
Feel the same way.

I only wish I realised this earlier; I might have made better choices in the past.

Now it's too late
[/quote]

The past is for reference, not for residence.
 
[quote author=Avvy link=topic=47687.msg1437994#msg1437994 date=1323080627]
Trying to make better ones now, and if i can salvage some of the ruins.
[/quote]

Forget what is done. You can't change it. Just look at the now and the future.
 
This is quite a touching and emotional thread, to read you all letting out such personal stories, it's very moving. It makes me worry though, a lot of what has been said, I'm young (24) and I don't consider myself depressed, however whats been mentioned about the self loathing, the numb feeling of emotion, the over anaylising of situations to bring the blame back purely on yourself, I do feel like this a lot, and with when it comes to the blaming myself, I especially do this with anything involving my girlfriend. It makes me worry that maybe in the future i'm going to be prone to slipping into depression, a thought that scares me more than anything in the world, the last people in the world I'd want to hurt are those around me and as you have all said, you never realise you're doing it until it's too late.

I'm one of those types who'd prefer to struggle with all his problems on his own, afterall who's going to care about what I feel? And in a lot of cases, do I have the right to have upset feelings when I've (relatively) got it so good? I'd much prefer to have them all in my own head and let me fight them and sort them all out so I can concentrate of looking after and caring on those around me. Maybe thats the wrong approach, I don't know, it's just the way I've always been. I just hope to god I never have to go through it like so many of you in here have, it's a terrifying thought, and one that I'm glad is getting more exposure as the days go on.
 
[quote author=Avvy link=topic=47687.msg1437970#msg1437970 date=1323079053]
Feel the same way.

I only wish I realised this earlier; I might have made better choices in the past.

Now it's too late
[/quote]

What's gone and what's past help
Should be past grief


The Winter's Tale
 
It's often strange that we have such wildly differing standards between what we accept in others and what we accept in ourselves - in both directions.

Sometimes we might mercilessly harangue ourselves over a minor incident that would barely register had another person done it, and yet we also accept levels of internal dialogue that we would *never* put up with from somebody else.

That said - I guess it comes back to the fact that you can avoid other people and cut them out of your life. If they've pissed you off or have been rude to you you can decide "Right, fuck 'em, I'm having nothing to do with that person anymore" - but it's hard to do that to yourself.

Really it's no wonder we don't like ourselves sometimes. Would we like anybody who was so harsh to us? Would we remain friends with somebody that constantly reminded us of our flaws and delighted in tormenting us over our insecurities? How could we stay close to someone who acted such a cunt towards us so often, and with such spite and venom?

We all know that we've got to work at relationships with friends and family and loved ones, but it's easy to forget that sometimes we've got to work at our relationship with ourselves as well. We've got to try to be nice to ourselves. To be understanding of our weaknesses, forgiving of our flaws, patient with our problems.

There's some saying that goes along the lines of when you dislike a person something as simple as the way in which they hold their cutlery can drive you almost insane with rage, and yet if you're well disposed towards them they could tip their plate in your lap and you'd find a way to forgive them.

Too often we're intolerant and judgemental of ourselves.

When you hate somebody it doesn't matter how many representations others may make on their behalf, or how nice everyone says they are, or how well-liked they are, or all of the evidence to the contrary - as far as you're concerned they're just a cunt, a prick, a fucking arsehole and a twat. The hatred may be irrational, but hatred it is. Equally, when you feel that way about yourself, the reassurances people try to give - that they love you, that they care about you, that you're funny, popular, interesting, intelligent or anything positive is always going to fall on deaf ears. You don't want to hear it, you can't accept it - they haven't seen the other side of 'that person', the horrible side, the side that you hate - they can't see what you see, they don't know who 'that person' - who you - really are.

But they do. They know the person they see and love. The one who isn't a horrible cunt that picks up on every little thing about them and bullies them over it, because that person doesn't do that to them, because that person isn't a horrible cunt to them - he's only a horrible cunt to you. But he doesn't have to be, all he has to do is to treat you - to treat himself - in the same way as he does everybody else.

With love, kindness and forgiveness.

It's okay to be good to yourself.

You won't feel like shit forever, and you certainly don't deserve to feel this way.

You don't deserve to be miserable - it's okay to feel like that if that's how you feel, it's natural and it's just like the millions of other people around the world who feel the same way - but know that you don't deserve it, know that you haven't earned it, know that there is no justification for you being punished your whole life and more than that know that you are not the judge and jury that gets to decide that you are guilty of being a bad person.

To err is human, to forgive is divine
 
[quote author=Avvy link=topic=47687.msg1437914#msg1437914 date=1323062751]
Is dylan also 'leftpeg'?
[/quote]

Yes
 
[quote author=Avvy link=topic=47687.msg1438798#msg1438798 date=1323128205]
Good to see you Peggy.

Post more often. we've missed you
[/quote]

Thank you Avvy...I'll try!
 
Hope no-one minds me bumping this but this fits well in here.

Got diagnosed with depression this morning, taken a long time for me to actually do anything about it like see a doctor but i feel better now i've taken the first steps. I guess when there's so many things you feel you need to do to sort your problems and you try to sort them all at once it makes it worse which is what i found out.

I've got a sleep disorder which this seems linked to and thats related to my weight so i'm hoping to carry on the progress and improve my sleep and stuff, which should make me happier. Waking up morning after morning when you haven't slept and your mind is playing tricks on you is horrible. Months on end of hearing the alarm but being so tired and unhappy that you just can't do anything. I don't end up going in to do work but it doesn't mean i'd just sit off. Lying there feeling all this self-hatred but feeling like there's nothing you can do.

Thankfully i've got good friends who've helped me to try and sort this mess out bit by bit.
 
I can't say I understand depression and it's causes/effects/ramifications as deeply as some, but you have my best wishes nonetheless SO.
 
Sorry to hear you are suffering from depression old chap. It's a nasty thing because it just sits in your head and you can't think your way out of it. I have a particularly bad bout about five years ago and I have to say the antidepressant the GP prescribed was very effective. Antidepressants are more subtle than the old-fashioned tranquillisers. There's a problem though in that they take around 3 weeks to start working which can be agony. If you can get out of it without the pills, though, so much the better.

Coincidentally I also have sleep apnoea and have been using a CPAP machine for years. If this is the problem, I can advise that you get used to sleeping with the mask - it is a bit of a nuisance if you want to do any travelling. 🙂
 
Hope no-one minds me bumping this but this fits well in here.

Got diagnosed with depression this morning, taken a long time for me to actually do anything about it like see a doctor but i feel better now i've taken the first steps. I guess when there's so many things you feel you need to do to sort your problems and you try to sort them all at once it makes it worse which is what i found out.

I've got a sleep disorder which this seems linked to and thats related to my weight so i'm hoping to carry on the progress and improve my sleep and stuff, which should make me happier. Waking up morning after morning when you haven't slept and your mind is playing tricks on you is horrible. Months on end of hearing the alarm but being so tired and unhappy that you just can't do anything. I don't end up going in to do work but it doesn't mean i'd just sit off. Lying there feeling all this self-hatred but feeling like there's nothing you can do.

Thankfully i've got good friends who've helped me to try and sort this mess out bit by bit.

Good luck matey.
 
Sorry to hear you are suffering from depression old chap. It's a nasty thing because it just sits in your head and you can't think your way out of it. I have a particularly bad bout about five years ago and I have to say the antidepressant the GP prescribed was very effective. Antidepressants are more subtle than the old-fashioned tranquillisers. There's a problem though in that they take around 3 weeks to start working which can be agony. If you can get out of it without the pills, though, so much the better.

Coincidentally I also have sleep apnoea and have been using a CPAP machine for years. If this is the problem, I can advise that you get used to sleeping with the mask - it is a bit of a nuisance if you want to do any travelling. 🙂
I'm waiting to be referred back to Aintree for the mask and stuff, they haven't put a timescale on it though so could be ages unfortunately.
 
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