He really is! Heres his best bits from the World Cup...
20 MAY 'WHAT AN ARSEHOLE YOU ARE!'
Diego arrives an hour late at Argentina FA headquarters to announce his World Cup squad of 23, and drives his car over a photographer's foot. "What an arsehole you are!" he shouts. "How can you put your leg there where it can get run over?"
The high-profile absentees from his squad include Javier Zanetti and Esteban Cambiasso, both of whom will star for Inter in winning the Champions League final two days later, and Real Madrid's Fernando Gago. Among the surprise inclusions, after over 100 players were tried out in qualifying matches and friendlies, is Ariel Garce, a four-cap defender whose team finished 13th in the Argentinian league. Garce had already made arrangements to travel to South Africa, as a fan.
"You certainly won't agree with all the names I choose," Maradona tells the press, "but I'm the one who decides. In choosing 23, you have to eliminate some. That's the saddest part."
23 MAY 'THE DOG ALMOST ATE MY MOUTH!'
The press don't take kindly to the squad selection - but after a 5-0 friendly win over Canada, Diego isn't bothered.
"I don't care what you people think about me as a manager. I couldn't care less. I've got my 23 players and I'm ready to die with them. I don't speak about starters or substitutes. I've got 23 warriors and any of them can play."
It's a change of tone: when he took over as Argentina coach Maradona had said of his likely team: "It's Mascherano plus 10." A few months later it was "Mascherano and Messi plus nine" - and after a friendly against Russia: "It's Mascherano, Messi and Jonas [Gutierrez], plus eight."
He is also asked about his new beard. "I grew it because my dog almost ate my mouth and left me a big scar." It later emerges he had startled his Chinese shar pei, Bela, by trying to kiss it, and had to undergo plastic surgery. "My daughters tell me I look good with a beard, so I'm keeping it."
Later confirms his newfound body confidence by revealing a plan to streak through Buenos Aires if it all goes well in South Africa. "If we win the World Cup, I'll get naked and run around the Obelisk."|
1 JUNE 'SHALL WE GIVE HIM A BASEBALL BAT?'
The first press conference in South Africa, and there's a big turnout.
"I'm scared of even talking to you about my team," says Diego, "because our training sessions so far in Pretoria have been frighteningly good. I'm frightened by what my players are showing me.
"We swore to each other to train and build our spirit. We need to overcome the group matches, then we need to think about writing some golden pages in the history of Argentinian football."
He shows reporters a photo of himself with his grandson Benjamin, whose father is striker Sergio Aguero:
"This picture will be with me during the entire World Cup. We will let Benjamin decide if he wants to be a football player in the future. But with the father he's got and with his grandpa, what are we going to give him as presents? A baseball bat?
"Look at what is written on the frame. It says: 'Most grandfathers take their grandsons to the park. Instead, you are taking me to the World Cup.' That's something that thrills me."
10 JUNE 'ASK MY GIRLFRIEND'
With two days to go before Argentina's first game, reporters ask Maradona how he has been sleeping.
"You must ask this question of my girlfriend. Because she would tell you that she wakes up every night to find me writing down players' names.
"I lie there thinking how this player could help in defence. How this other player could cover for another. If that guy could play next to Mascherano. If Veron can play on the right or be my playmaker. There are a million things I could tell you. It's like the man who starts playing golf and wakes up every day, grabs the putter and starts hitting ball after ball."
But he says he is feeling confident. "What we have is exquisite. Everything this team achieves will belong to my players. They will bring joy to the people in Argentina. They will do everything to achieve that goal, they will sacrifice their blood. They will be the heroes. Me? I'll be with my family enjoying myself. Make no mistake: managers like Menotti, Bilardo or Maradona come and go. The real winners are always the players."
Carlos Bilardo, meanwhile, now Argentina's general manager, says Diego's pledge on 23 May to streak around Buenos Aires if they win the tournament was "passe".
"I say this: the player who scores our winning goal in the final is free to enter me from behind."
12 JUNE 'THIS IS BEAUTIFUL'
Finally, it begins. Gabriel Heinze scores a flying header to give Argentina a 1-0 win over Nigeria. Diego Milito, left out of the starting line-up, leaps up out of the dug-out and bearhugs Maradona.
Afterwards, Diego says the day was intense. "I felt a lot of emotions. I spent some time with my grandson before the match and I was blowing kisses to my daughter [from the dug-out]. In 2006 I was just another fan. Today it was special. I want to thank everyone for their support. This is so new to me. You have to make decisions really fast and you have to avoid making mistakes. But really, it is all beautiful."
16 JUNE 'WE ALL KNOW WHAT THE FRENCH ARE LIKE'
The euphoria lasts four days, then it's down to business. Pele and Michel Platini have reportedly criticised Maradona's coaching ability - so journalists offer Diego the quotes, knowing they're guaranteed a story.
Sure enough: "I would tell Pele to go back to the museum. I'm not surprised by what Platini said. I always had a distant relationship with him. We all know what the French are like and Platini is French. He thinks he is better than the rest. I pay no attention. These two - have they nothing more important to do than talk rubbish about me?"
17 JUNE 'I LIKE WOMEN!'
Match two: a 4-1 win over South Korea. Maradona, who hugged and kissed every player in the tunnel before kick-off and again afterwards, is overwhelmed.
"What I said to my players before the game they did to perfection. I've got 23 wildcats in this squad: they are ready to do whatever I ask them."
A journalist asks, in English, about Maradona's affectionate embraces for his players. The loose translation provokes a wide-eyed response.
"No! I like women! I'm dating Veronica. She is 31. She is blonde. She is very pretty! Don't start rumours about me. I may have my weaknesses towards some of my players, but that's normal."
Twenty-four hours after his attack on Pele and Platini, he also has some conciliatory words.
"Michel Platini has sent me this letter in which he makes clear that he didn't say what you guys [the press] told me he had said about me. That's why I want to apologise if I offended Michel Platini. But I don't want to apologise to Pele."
21 JUNE THE ARM OF GOD
In the build-up to the Greece game, Maradona is asked about Brazil's 3-1 win over Ivory Coast. Diego is not happy with Luis Fabiano's second goal.
"It was scored by his arm: he brought the ball down with his arm. I think there was a double handball.
"What's tragicomic is the referee's smile afterwards. When I scored the [Hand of God] goal against England, I didn't see the referee laugh. He had so many doubts, he looked at his linesmen, he looked at the crowd. But yesterday, the referee went back to the centre circle laughing. If you saw it why didn't you penalise it?"
22 JUNE 'THIS BALL IS USELESS'
Argentina secure a group-topping finish with a 2-0 win over Greece. Diego's happy, but not with the ball.
"I would ask all Fifa directors to stop talking about me and to start working on having a proper football. This ball is useless. It's impossible to control."
24 JUNE JOSE ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE
The hard work done, it's time to bask before the knockouts. Diego has had time to reflect - and tells reporters his burgeoning success as a coach is down to his special mentor.
"I like Jose Mourinho such a lot. [Before the tournament] we spent hours talking about football, attacking and defensive tactics. I think he is a guy to keep on your bedside table and ask him each time you need something. I've got his number, so I might call him."
26 JUNE 'I AM A GROWN-UP. I DON'T HOLD GRUDGES'
The day before the first knockout match against Mexico, Diego is back on his favourite subject: those journalists who wrote him off as a coach.
After Argentina beat Uruguay to clinch qualification in October, Diego famously told the pundits they "take it up the arse", then grabbed his crotch and said the world's media should "suck it and keep on sucking". Fifa banned him for two months.
Eight months later, he's still not happy.
"I am a grown-up, an adult, I don't hold grudges. But what makes me mad is when people lack respect. Those journalists who had been saying we are nobodies before the tournament should just come forward and apologise. Apologising doesn't mean getting naked in front of everyone. It's just the noble thing to do."
But there's one journalist in the room who does get a special welcome - Maradona jumping over a barrier into the crowd to embrace his former Napoli team-mate Salvatore Bagni, now a pundit.
"Even knowing him as I have done all these years," says Bagni, "Diego always does something to surprise you."
27 JUNE 'ALL MY SOUL AND HEART'
Argentina beat Mexico 3-1. Diego is moved.
"All the experiences of my life, today I gave them to my players with all my soul and heart. I said to the lads: 'That's how it was for me'."
28 JUNE ONE MORE FIGHT
With a week off before the quarter-final, and everything going quiet, Diego picks a fight. Asked about the number of times Messi has been fouled, he compares it to his treatment by Italy defender and notorious hardman Claudio Gentile in the 1982 World Cup. "It's like we are going 20 years into the past. Like we are going back to Gentile. When Messi takes the ball, they go for his legs. It worries me."
Gentile responds. "I have to agree with Pele and Platini: Maradona is a charlatan not a coach. I have never been sent off for violent play - just the once for handball. He's just a buffoon."
1 JULY 'ARE YOU NERVOUS?'
Germany's Bastian Schweinsteiger has been baiting Maradona in the build-up to the match - a repeat of the 2006 quarter-final which Germany won on penalties. Schweinsteiger says Argentina's side are "disrespectful" and bully referees. Journalists prod Diego with the quotes, to see what will happen. Diego turns to face the cameras and says in his best Teutonic accent: "What's the matter Schweinsteiger? Are you nervoushh?
"Seriously, we don't have time to think about Schweinsteiger. All we think about is the game. And revenge."
He defends his squad from criticism - "Who says Demichelis is playing badly? Whoever says that must be Andrea Bocelli [the blind opera singer]" - and speaks of his inspiration.
"I spoke with a group of children yesterday and they said to me: 'Diego, we want to get to the final. Can you give us that?' So I told them to calm down. In the end, it is about whether God wants us to be in the final, but I know that is what God wants. This time we will not need the Hand of God, because it is the will of God.
"I also spoke to my father who is not in the best of health, but he said that if we reach the final then he will come. He just said: 'Do what you did in 1986, son.'"
2 JULY AND SO, FAREWELL
God changed his mind. The 4-0 defeat to Germany, with Schweinsteiger imperious, left Diego flat, but defiant.
"I am as sad as anyone, but I want to thank the whole Argentina team. I want these boys to stay strong, to keep showing who they are. I want them to continue debunking the myths that millionaire footballers don't care."
He defended goalless Lionel Messi ("anyone saying he didn't have a great World Cup is an idiot"😉 and said he would now talk to his family before deciding whether to carry on.
"I could walk away tomorrow, but I don't know. I'm going to be 50 on 30 October, and this is the hardest thing I have had to go through since the day I retired from football. It was like a smack in the face from Muhammad Ali. I am drained of strength, but will I leave? I really don't know. We will see what the future holds."
