Steak Knives

[Ryan]

If we weren't performing so well of late, I wonder how much more scrutiny would be getting heaped onto the utterly fucking hapless Aly Cissokho? We do love a scapegoat round these parts, and given how much this hapless lump of balls is stinking the place out, I'm a little surprised he hasn't come in for some fierce derision round these boards.

I guess the general bonhomie (trolling Ross aside) has allowed us to overlook this free transfer chump from Valencia's 3rds, or wherever the fuck he came from, and focus on more pertinent discussions like 'will we win the league.'

Forget that optimistic shite, it's International week, let's have us a witchhunt.

So I ask you SCM; who's the fucking worst, the absolute shittest, free transfer we've got our hands on in recent years?

I've trawled the interweb transfer sites and pulled togethor a list of what we've managed to get our hands on. Feel free to remind me if I've missed anyone.

In fairness to a few, I've left out those who've performed ok for us like Toure, McAllister, Bellamy, etc. My criteria for judging them was 'have I ever laughed at the thought of you playing for us?' - if so, into the list they went.

Anyway, here it is:

Aly Cissokho
Doni
Nuri Sahin (controversial admission, but there's an element of expectation verus reality to be discussed)
Joe Cole
Milan Jovanovic
Phillip Degen
Andriy Voronin
Nabil el Zhar
Boudewijn Zenden
Antonio Nunez (risky one given the Owen deal, but he cost us nothing so he's in here, the part-time lawyer 90-minute-never-played tube)
Mauricio Pellegrino
Paul Jones
Patrice Luzi
Pegguy Arphexad
Erik Meijer
Bjorn Tore Kvarme

I had to stop there, and obviously all manner of youngsters/reserve players didn't quite make the list. You had to have played for us in the Premier League as a qualifier.

So who's your particular favourite out of that list? And what great memories do you have of their time with us?

EDIT: Can some Mod correct the spelling error in the thread title? Knives. Ta.

 

[dmishra]

This is pretty difficult. I think I'll have to go with Degen.

 

[LeTallecWiz]

Cissokho is a loan with option to buy I think.

I'm going with Cole. Yes, he had a nice run last year, but he earned a shit load of cash and was useless. It was a calamitous mistake.

 

[Athens]

I had forgotten most of those guys had played for Liverpool.

 

[Modo]

Joe Cole

 

[mark1975]

I'm surprised Victor Moses hasn't had his fair whack of criticism too. He looks like one lazy mofo.

 

[mark1975]

You'd have to say for shiteness and a terrible attitude, it's Voronin hands down.

But for a complete inability to play football, I raise you a Sean "faster than Michael Owen" Dundee.

 

[SummerOnions]

Joe cole for the wonga he was on.

Phillipp Degen matches Cissokho for full-back fuckery if not worse

 

[Ryan]

You'd have to say for shiteness and a terrible attitude, it's Voronin hand down.

But for a complete inability to play football, I raise you a Sean "faster than Michael Owen" Dundee.

Sean Dundee cost cashmoney though.

 

[the_khl]

Jovanovic. Old. Never tested at any decent level. Not even Belgian.

A hundred miles away it was obvious he would never ever cut it.

 

[Ryan]

I always had a particularly healthy dislike for Zenden, the shit chip-fat-hair cunt.

 

[mark1975]

Sean Dundee cost cashmoney though.

I quiffed in between cooking, apols.

Voronin then.

 

[mark1975]

I always had a particularly healthy dislike for Zenden, the shit chip-fat-hair cunt.

He was a funny player Zenden, he was tidy and technically good but I was never quite sure what he was supposed to be. Not quick enough to be a winger, not a good enough passer, etc..

 

[Modo]

If we weren't performing so well of late, I wonder how much more scrutiny would be getting heaped onto the utterly fucking hapless Aly Cissokho? We do love a scapegoat round these parts, and given how much this hapless lump of balls is stinking the place out, I'm a little surprised he hasn't come in for some fierce derision round these boards.

I guess the general bonhomie (trolling Ross aside) has allowed us to overlook this free transfer chump from Valencia's 3rds, or wherever the fuck he came from, and focus on more pertinent discussions like 'will we win the league.'

Forget that optimistic shite, it's International week, let's have us a witchhunt.

So I ask you SCM; who's the fucking worst, the absolute shittest, free transfer we've got our hands on in recent years?

I've trawled the interweb transfer sites and pulled togethor a list of what we've managed to get our hands on. Feel free to remind me if I've missed anyone.

In fairness to a few, I've left out those who've performed ok for us like Toure, McAllister, Bellamy, etc. My criteria for judging them was 'have I ever laughed at the thought of you playing for us?' - if so, into the list they went.

Anyway, here it is:

Aly Cissokho
Doni
Nuri Şahin (controversial admission, but there's an element of expectation verus reality to be discussed)
Joe Cole
Milan Jovanovic
Phillip Degen
Andriy Voronin
Nabil el Zhar
Boudewijn Zenden
Antonio Nunez (risky one given the Owen deal, but he cost us nothing so he's in here, the part-time lawyer 90-minute-never-played tube)
Mauricio Pellegrino
Paul Jones
Patrice Luzi
Pegguy Arphexad
Erik Meijer
Bjorn Tore Kvarme

I had to stop there, and obviously all manner of youngsters/reserve players didn't quite make the list. You had to have played for us in the Premier League as a qualifier.

So who's your particular favourite out of that list? And what great memories do you have of their time with us?

EDIT: Can some Mod correct the spelling error in the thread title? Knives. Ta.

Some of the players you mentioned were on loan so if we exclude them, I'd say that all of them were back up signings except Cole.
Cole was supposed to be a significant signing, a starter so to speak. He was on high wages and I guess it was expected that he'd come in and make a difference. I'm really not arsed with the rest of them, like I said they were back up's.

 

[mark1975]

I was personally made up Paul Jones got his day in The Lying Rag.

 

[FoxForceFive]

At least most of those players tried.

Zenden I felt wouldn't ever be good enough, but rarely did he seem to try hard enough to improve.

Kvarme & Cole in particular I remember as working their arse off, but never being good enough.

 

[WhyAlwaysMe?]

I liked Zenden. My guilty pleasure.

He was part of a great Barca team I enjoyed utilising on Fifa 98, spoke an excessive amount of languages, and from memory started (and played well) in all of our knockout CL matches on route to the Milan MkII final.

 

[Rafiagra]

I'm going with Voronin.

I think most of the others either had at least one good game, did at least one good thing, or just didn't play.

Voronin was just a blert

 

[Fabio]

I'm going with Voronin.

I think most of the others either had at least one good game, did at least one good thing, or just didn't play.

Voronin was just a blert

Voronin was boss against besiktas and toulouse.

Degen for me, and I'd guess @shabuti would agree

 

[rurikbird]

Cissokho has 2 assists, if I'm not mistaken. That's 2 more than our £20 million England international winger mustered 2 years ago. And this is his first few weeks in an unfamiliar league.

Defensively he looks suspect, but how many goals have we conceded because of his errors? I don't recall any.

Overall, I'm also not overly impressed with Cissokho, but he is not a horrible back-up LB. Definitely not in Traore/Dossena/Degen category.

 

[StevieM]

Re-signing Steve Staunton on a free was fun as well...

 

[Hansern]

Its pretty close between Voronin and Degen.

I dont think Jones should be on that list. Emergency loan because of injuries to Dudek and Kirkland and played 2 games.
Fanatical Liverpool supporter who at the age of 36 sees his biggest dream come true.
Keeping a clean sheet at Anfield in his first game. Its a great story imho and I'm chuffed to bits for him.

 

[Modo]

Cissokho has 2 assists, if I'm not mistaken. That's 2 more than our £20 million England international winger mustered 2 years ago. And this is his first few weeks in an unfamiliar league.

Defensively he looks suspect, but how many goals have we conceded because of his errors? I don't recall any.

Overall, I'm also not overly impressed with Cissokho, but he is not a horrible back-up LB. Definitely not in Traore/Dossena/Degen category.

Newcastle 2nd goal

 

[Fabio]

And let's not slag dossena

Goals against real Madrid and man United

 

[WhyAlwaysMe?]

Charles Itandje.

 

[dogboy]

Who the hell is Paul Jones? The old Southampton keeper?

 

[Fabio]

Charles Itandje.

Was he free?

 

[keniget]

Joe Cole was probably the worst from a financial point of view.

In terms of having to actually endure watching someone play football, I'd go with Bolo "The Glue" Zenden. He might have been a nice guy, however he had the confidence of the manager and started a fucking CL final for us despite being crap and keeping better players on the bench.

 

[Buddha]

Jovanovic was one of the least talented footballers I've ever seen within the vicinity of Anfield.

He earnt a fair whack playing like a completely clueless twat.

 

[Markeh]

I'd say the assist for the Suarez header was accidental too, he looks lacking in some basic techniques such as controlling a pass which he surely must have had at some point to progress to this level of football. I wouldn't say we should bin him off just yet but the signs don't look great. A passenger against Fulham.