Id sneak into the dressing room after the kitman had laid out the kits and knock ten wanks out, one onto each shirt. Then when we are playing everyone would see the logo, but I'D know i wanked on it and the advertising on telly would be stained with my manlove.
Then i'd do a massive shit and slide it behind one of the radiators. Then id punch Fergie, stab neville, fart in my hand then smother Charlton with my farthand, set fire to the main stand, and take a flame thrower to the busby statue, set the sprinklers off in the club shop then drive off in a 76 coupe de ville saying 'YAAAYYYYAYYYYYY'