M
Marky18
Guest
Brendan said:Take this easy quiz!
Q1.
On the way back from Istanbul your flight is delayed by several hours and you're at the "Milan" terminal, do you:
a) Immediately call the airline and loudly complain about this disgraceful treatment, take several photos on your camera-phone, and decide that it's all KopTalk's fault.
b) Scream "We All Dream Of A Team Of Carraghers" drunkenly in the face of miserable Milan fans
c) Offer the human hand of friendship and football brotherhood to the unlucky losers and share your drinks
d) Build a shrine to Rafael Benitez in the departure lounge and ceremonially burn scarves to your Madrileno God
Q2.
Steven Gerrard publishes a serialisation of his autobiography in the News Of The World, do you:
a) Immediately send several letter-bombs to Gerrard and his family and burn his shirt
b) Cut out and frame every single article
c) Read it, but wonder whether perhaps he might have been better served not selling it to a newspaper, he doesn't need the money does he?
d) Assume that anything he has written in it has been done so for the good of Liverpool FC and has personally been approved by Rafael Benitez
Q3.
Our new £10m striker is struggling for goals and still hasn't managed 5 Pemiership goals by Easter, do you:
a) Spot the obvious on-line conspiracy perpetrated by "so-called" Liverpool fans whose real agenda is to unsettle our players with internet hate campaigns and get us relegated
b) Start fights in the pub with anyone who brings it up
c) Grudgingly accept that perhaps the curse of the Liverpool striker has struck once more, but support neverthelessd) Outline in quite insane and convoluted detail using spurious and ill-conceived methodology how the genius of Benitez means that a non-scoring striker is actually an ADVANTAGE if we want to win the title
Q4.
You are on your honeymoon and Liverpool are due to play, do you:
a) Honeymoon? What, get *married* and that? To a GIRL? URGHHHHHHHHHhhhhh
b) What's the problem? We're staying *in* Liverpool for the honeymoon, you soft twat.
c) Promise her a baby within the year, so long as she allows you to watch the game somewhere
d) I am married to Liverpool Football Club. That is all that matters to me. I am not crying on the inside, no. Thankyou for asking.
Q5
You are in Liverpool city centre the night before the Manchester United game, do you:
a) Stumble around like a hapless, wide-eyed ingenue wearing a Liverpool shirt with "Crouch" on the back, asking random scousers for their mobile numbers and hugging everyone?b) Try and work out what time the Mancs will arrive and lie in wait for them at Lime Street station with a nail-studded baseball bat
c) Visit some bars and try and pull before retiring to your hotel, but not so battered that the game will be a chore the next day
d) Strip naked, paint yourself red and charge through the streets wearing a Rafa-mask
Q6
Your new girlfriend admits to not knowing very much about football, do you:
a) Girlfriend? What the fuck are you on about? A girl? Urghhhhhhhhhhhhh
b) Give her two choices: wear a Liverpool shirt when having sex or get a Stevie Gerrard tattoo on her arse.
c) It isn't that important, sometimes a proper break from football is a good thing
d) Shave all her hair off and ask her to speak in a Spanish accent and say "possibilities" a lot
Q7.
A new independent Liverpool website is set up, do you:
a) Copy, paste, archive and critique every single post and set up a hitlist of people who are now "the enemy" of our beloved club.
b) Trawl through postings to find members who aren't from L4, and flame the woolyback Out Of Towner CNUTS.
c) Marvel at the on-line community spirit and embrace Liverpool fans from the world over, but reserve the right to swear at Glock and Ardja.
d) Immediately adopt the username "Rafael Smells Lovely" and post love sonnets to the portly, balding deity.
Q8.
You are at a charity dinner in Liverpool and Rafa Benitez is present. Our Spanish manager gets incredibly drunk and decides at 3am to have a dump on the table in front of you, do you:
a) Accuse Dunk of spiking his drinks and arranging for a Sun photographer to take photos of the shamed manager
b) Get up on the table and curl one out right next to Rafa, by way of support
c) Move away as quickly as possible and ask Paco to take Rafa home
d) Ask for a spoon
Scoring system:
Mostly a's: You should start a loony-blog! Your lack of perspective and border-line insanity deserves a wider audience. Do you self-harm?
Mostly b's: Boss! You are a super-scouse proper Liverpool fan, lid! How many Liverbird tattoos do you have?
Mostly c's: Oh dear. You're a bit limp-wristed and need to work on your fanatacism, but your heart's in the right place.
Mostly d's: You are Paul Tomkins.
