[quote author=Skullflower link=topic=46147.msg1374595#msg1374595 date=1312474361]
if you thought your wife was boss and now you think she's an utter twat then you need to learn to be a better judge of character.
[/quote]
That is something that's been on my mind a lot over the past year...
Theoretically, you're spot on, of course. But the woman who left me is not the woman I married. She's changed. A lot. And yes, I saw those changes then, and I see them now. And then, I hoped for the best, hoped that she would change back into the woman that I fell in love with, and always thought that she would snap out of it when she saw how much t was hurting me, and hurting us. And I always thought that she would 'get it' eventually because I knew that she loved me deeply, and that she always would. Becuase she told me repeatedly that she did and she would. And when you see the bad in somebody you love, and they love you back, you persuade yourself that it's not that bad, and it'll all be ok again soon.
Then, she announced that she didn't, hadn't for "years and years and years", and wouldn't ever again. And now I look at it from the perspective of somebody who's been lied to and treated very poorly for a long time now, but no longer has the hope that the underlying love she has for me will bring her around. Because it's not there. And so I can no longer pretend that I don't see it. And can no longer hope that she'll change back. And so my perspective is vastly different.
You're right, to an extent... Love can illicet very poor decision-making. And that's a part of this, for sure. But it's not nearlly as big a part as the enormous change in my wife over the past 5 or 6 years. She's just not the same person. Which is a big shame. 'Cos she was a wonderful girl.
if you thought your wife was boss and now you think she's an utter twat then you need to learn to be a better judge of character.
[/quote]
That is something that's been on my mind a lot over the past year...
Theoretically, you're spot on, of course. But the woman who left me is not the woman I married. She's changed. A lot. And yes, I saw those changes then, and I see them now. And then, I hoped for the best, hoped that she would change back into the woman that I fell in love with, and always thought that she would snap out of it when she saw how much t was hurting me, and hurting us. And I always thought that she would 'get it' eventually because I knew that she loved me deeply, and that she always would. Becuase she told me repeatedly that she did and she would. And when you see the bad in somebody you love, and they love you back, you persuade yourself that it's not that bad, and it'll all be ok again soon.
Then, she announced that she didn't, hadn't for "years and years and years", and wouldn't ever again. And now I look at it from the perspective of somebody who's been lied to and treated very poorly for a long time now, but no longer has the hope that the underlying love she has for me will bring her around. Because it's not there. And so I can no longer pretend that I don't see it. And can no longer hope that she'll change back. And so my perspective is vastly different.
You're right, to an extent... Love can illicet very poor decision-making. And that's a part of this, for sure. But it's not nearlly as big a part as the enormous change in my wife over the past 5 or 6 years. She's just not the same person. Which is a big shame. 'Cos she was a wonderful girl.