So this is one of a few things that I have going on.
I've been needing to find an outlet for this but Facebook is not the place for obvious reasons. My ex and have been split for many years and I have my kids every other weekend and do parent evenings, sports days etc. Even when she decided it was good to move them 120 miles away with no discussion or debate with me.
Recently she has found a new partner, that's fine, she has every right to be happy. But her new partner also has kids and their weekends don't line up so they're both child free at the same time. So she asked me to consider changing weekends. Now having kids in this arrangement and being of the age I am, I plan around the weekends I don't have kids for my social life - holidays, golf days, birthdays etc etc. Most of my friends are married so you have to book things in advance or it won't happen.
So having many plans in the diary, many paid for, gigs, trips and so on, I declined her request with compromise that I would reconsider at a later date when I didn't have much on. Plus, there's no benefit for the kids so I'm under no obligation to change - added to that there's history of her bulldozing me to get what she wants, I'm aware that she can only do it if I allow it of course.
In response, she sent me a letter telling me that as I had declined her request, the weekends would change on X date regardless and she would try and be flexible to any arrangements I had - I've history of her not being flexible etc etc.
So I again declined her request and suggested she find alternative solutions to her social calendar with her new partner as it was not my responsibility nor obligation to her or him to change my life.
In early March on my allocated weekend, she text me to tell not to go to the meeting point as she would not be there that day and that I should turn up the following week as she was enforcing the change and there was nothing I could do.
Now it would be easy to cave in and just change and say fuck it, but like I said, I've been dicked around previously so I decided to not give in to her unreasonable behaviour. Plus the weekend she told me I was to change, I was actually in the USA. Since this date I have not seen my kids. Effectively she refuses to make them available to me on the weekends previously agreed. In an attempt to bring the stalemate to an end, I've offered to swap in August as things die down from September onwards. Straight refusal from her. To add to this, she has told the children that I'm choosing not to see them, leaving out the real reason behind the switch and the current situation.
As we do not have a contact order in place from the divorce as we had mutually agreed contact, I cannot get enforcement to get things back on track - naive of me!
So I'm currently at the start of the process to get a contact order in place that will that of the court unless we can compromise ahead of this. I realise my behaviour might look stubborn etc, but you'll have to trust me that unless I stop giving in, it will never stop and it can't help having an independent court order in place to ensure future agreements are enforceable by independent means.
It's an absolute cunt of situation, on top of a couple of other big stresses that are also going on, work being one. It's triggered a bout of black dog too which is adding to the strain.
Phew, it may sound weird, but being able to put that in black and white has helped me rationalise it better. Anyway, if you have an opinion you're welcome, I've heard both sides of the discussion from many already so it will faze me not if you disagree with me, only I know the whole story of you understand and the only thing that matters is the kids and the relationship we have. For the record, I have not said a single word of blame to them about their mothers behaviour. They shouldn't have to pick a side in my opinion.
Anyway, wish me luck in the process I'm embarking on.
I've been needing to find an outlet for this but Facebook is not the place for obvious reasons. My ex and have been split for many years and I have my kids every other weekend and do parent evenings, sports days etc. Even when she decided it was good to move them 120 miles away with no discussion or debate with me.
Recently she has found a new partner, that's fine, she has every right to be happy. But her new partner also has kids and their weekends don't line up so they're both child free at the same time. So she asked me to consider changing weekends. Now having kids in this arrangement and being of the age I am, I plan around the weekends I don't have kids for my social life - holidays, golf days, birthdays etc etc. Most of my friends are married so you have to book things in advance or it won't happen.
So having many plans in the diary, many paid for, gigs, trips and so on, I declined her request with compromise that I would reconsider at a later date when I didn't have much on. Plus, there's no benefit for the kids so I'm under no obligation to change - added to that there's history of her bulldozing me to get what she wants, I'm aware that she can only do it if I allow it of course.
In response, she sent me a letter telling me that as I had declined her request, the weekends would change on X date regardless and she would try and be flexible to any arrangements I had - I've history of her not being flexible etc etc.
So I again declined her request and suggested she find alternative solutions to her social calendar with her new partner as it was not my responsibility nor obligation to her or him to change my life.
In early March on my allocated weekend, she text me to tell not to go to the meeting point as she would not be there that day and that I should turn up the following week as she was enforcing the change and there was nothing I could do.
Now it would be easy to cave in and just change and say fuck it, but like I said, I've been dicked around previously so I decided to not give in to her unreasonable behaviour. Plus the weekend she told me I was to change, I was actually in the USA. Since this date I have not seen my kids. Effectively she refuses to make them available to me on the weekends previously agreed. In an attempt to bring the stalemate to an end, I've offered to swap in August as things die down from September onwards. Straight refusal from her. To add to this, she has told the children that I'm choosing not to see them, leaving out the real reason behind the switch and the current situation.
As we do not have a contact order in place from the divorce as we had mutually agreed contact, I cannot get enforcement to get things back on track - naive of me!
So I'm currently at the start of the process to get a contact order in place that will that of the court unless we can compromise ahead of this. I realise my behaviour might look stubborn etc, but you'll have to trust me that unless I stop giving in, it will never stop and it can't help having an independent court order in place to ensure future agreements are enforceable by independent means.
It's an absolute cunt of situation, on top of a couple of other big stresses that are also going on, work being one. It's triggered a bout of black dog too which is adding to the strain.
Phew, it may sound weird, but being able to put that in black and white has helped me rationalise it better. Anyway, if you have an opinion you're welcome, I've heard both sides of the discussion from many already so it will faze me not if you disagree with me, only I know the whole story of you understand and the only thing that matters is the kids and the relationship we have. For the record, I have not said a single word of blame to them about their mothers behaviour. They shouldn't have to pick a side in my opinion.
Anyway, wish me luck in the process I'm embarking on.
