So, I dunno if I've told this tale before, I've a feeing I have in some abridged form or other, but basically it's about this girl Claire, right.
First time I ever see her is on the first day I get to college - 18, VERY wet behind the ears (and dare I say it pretty much a virgin - although not 'technically' I suppose, in my head and in reality I am). I'm on the bus going into town with these two lads that I'd just met, and out of the window I see her looking absolutely fucking gorgeous - she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen (like I said, wet behind the ears - or should that now be between the legs, dunno) - tight jeans, great arse, a sort of retroey leather jacket thing going on and some kinky boots - I'm smitten.
So then during freshers week I see her around and realise she's a student (should have realised before I suppose, what with it being Newport in Wales and her not looking like a troll) so I'm sort of trying to position myself in the room in such a way as I can ogle her surreptitiously - and if anything she looks even better than before.
Anyhoo, to cut a long story short I get to know her somehow, can't remember how exactly, but we get into this routine of I'd go over to her room and we'd hang out and chat and watch DVDs and Eddie Izzard together. She is PERFECT and it's fucking sickening - she's fun to be with, she's funny, she's got good taste in music, we can have deep and meaningfuls, she's fucking gorgeous - it was wounding. Really I should have just grown a pair and fucking told her how I felt, but I was still stuck in the teenage angsty bullshit of "How can I tell her I love her without it destroying our friendship? She's only going to have to reject me anyway, and then things will be all awkward".
So, this goes on. Months pass, I fall for her more and more, but it's okay, because I only ever visit her, she never visits me, and in this way I can regulate as and when I see her - so when I'm feeling stable and normal and I can handle being around her without being weird I go see her, and when I'm feeling all sorry for myself and pathetic I can hide away and smoke myself into a coma.
Then my 19th birthday comes round, and for the first time she visits me, and in doing so she meets all of my other mates, including one of my best mates Rhys who knows all about the whole sorry affair. She takes a shine to him, and by 4am I'm sloping off with a mournful "I guess I'll leave you two alone then".
So now everything is fucked, because now she's over all the time and I can't control when I see her, and on top of that she's fucking shagging my best mate. In fact, on top of THAT, it turns out that she's an absolutely full-on exhibitionist - I think she toned it down at the time, but certainly later on in the relationship she was always craftily wanking him off whilst we were all in the room, or pretending to be still asleep when in actual fact she was under the sheets sucking him off, this among many things.
But I digress, back to where we were - so she's shacked up with my best mate, I'm seeing her all the time, and to be perfectly honest I'm being a bit weird about the whole thing. Not on purpose like, but I was young and insecure and I had all these hormones running around my body and MY BLOODY BEST MATE WAS SHAGGING THE GIRL THAT I LOVED FOR FUCKS SAKE! Not that I blamed him, I mean he knew how I felt and all, but Claire was very much the kind of girl that if she set her mind on something there wasn't really any getting out of it, in many respects he was the innocent (but very willing) victim in this situation, so there was no real blame there. Nonetheless - things were weird, and as we'd gone from being really close and chatty to me being in shutdown mode most of the time, naturally she figured something was up - so this one day she collars me about it and asks what's up.
I'm in two minds, either I palm it off as being nothing and shit goes on like this, or I spill my heart out and tell her I'm madly in love with her. I'm looking at Rhys and he's shrugging and I know that he's not gonna mind cos A: he knows the whole situation with me feeling like that for months about her anyway, and B: he's my best mate. So now it comes down to being about her and how she'll react, and I think fuck it and it all comes pouring out and the emotion's running so strong I'm about ready to cry I'm so sure she's about to break my heart with the old "You're a really sweet guy, and a good friend . . ." when straight out of leftfield she's telling me she thinks I'm gorgeous and basically saying "Are you up for a threesome".
To my eternal regret, I turned it down. I was young, I was naive and insecure, and I wasn't entirely sure I wanted my first proper sexual experience to involve fucking my best mate's girl as well as being in close proximity to his cock. What can I say, I was sweet and innocent then, I hadn't released my inner wrongun.
Anyway, time passes blah blah blah, they end up splitting up, we fall out of contact etc. etc. this is all over 10 years ago now. What this rather extended preamble is leading up to is the freaky part, which is this: as you may know I'm somewhat of a *ahem* 'connoisseur of the erotic arts', and whilst I was satiating my particular penchant for five fingered filmic fun I'm absolutely gobsmacked to see this 'fisted and fucked girlfriend' turn to the camera and be the fucking spitting image of Claire. It's eerie, in fact it puts me off slightly for a second, because while my brain is saying "Nah, what are the chances" there's another part that's saying "Actually, probably quite high" - as I mentioned before she's quite the exhibitionist, and to put things into context she had a habit of getting the porn out when we were round, including such memorable classics as 'Necromantics'.
So it could be her, it might just fucking be her, I dunno, it's kinda put the zap on my head, y'know?
I think I'm gonna have to favourite it and examine it in closer detail
First time I ever see her is on the first day I get to college - 18, VERY wet behind the ears (and dare I say it pretty much a virgin - although not 'technically' I suppose, in my head and in reality I am). I'm on the bus going into town with these two lads that I'd just met, and out of the window I see her looking absolutely fucking gorgeous - she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen (like I said, wet behind the ears - or should that now be between the legs, dunno) - tight jeans, great arse, a sort of retroey leather jacket thing going on and some kinky boots - I'm smitten.
So then during freshers week I see her around and realise she's a student (should have realised before I suppose, what with it being Newport in Wales and her not looking like a troll) so I'm sort of trying to position myself in the room in such a way as I can ogle her surreptitiously - and if anything she looks even better than before.
Anyhoo, to cut a long story short I get to know her somehow, can't remember how exactly, but we get into this routine of I'd go over to her room and we'd hang out and chat and watch DVDs and Eddie Izzard together. She is PERFECT and it's fucking sickening - she's fun to be with, she's funny, she's got good taste in music, we can have deep and meaningfuls, she's fucking gorgeous - it was wounding. Really I should have just grown a pair and fucking told her how I felt, but I was still stuck in the teenage angsty bullshit of "How can I tell her I love her without it destroying our friendship? She's only going to have to reject me anyway, and then things will be all awkward".
So, this goes on. Months pass, I fall for her more and more, but it's okay, because I only ever visit her, she never visits me, and in this way I can regulate as and when I see her - so when I'm feeling stable and normal and I can handle being around her without being weird I go see her, and when I'm feeling all sorry for myself and pathetic I can hide away and smoke myself into a coma.
Then my 19th birthday comes round, and for the first time she visits me, and in doing so she meets all of my other mates, including one of my best mates Rhys who knows all about the whole sorry affair. She takes a shine to him, and by 4am I'm sloping off with a mournful "I guess I'll leave you two alone then".
So now everything is fucked, because now she's over all the time and I can't control when I see her, and on top of that she's fucking shagging my best mate. In fact, on top of THAT, it turns out that she's an absolutely full-on exhibitionist - I think she toned it down at the time, but certainly later on in the relationship she was always craftily wanking him off whilst we were all in the room, or pretending to be still asleep when in actual fact she was under the sheets sucking him off, this among many things.
But I digress, back to where we were - so she's shacked up with my best mate, I'm seeing her all the time, and to be perfectly honest I'm being a bit weird about the whole thing. Not on purpose like, but I was young and insecure and I had all these hormones running around my body and MY BLOODY BEST MATE WAS SHAGGING THE GIRL THAT I LOVED FOR FUCKS SAKE! Not that I blamed him, I mean he knew how I felt and all, but Claire was very much the kind of girl that if she set her mind on something there wasn't really any getting out of it, in many respects he was the innocent (but very willing) victim in this situation, so there was no real blame there. Nonetheless - things were weird, and as we'd gone from being really close and chatty to me being in shutdown mode most of the time, naturally she figured something was up - so this one day she collars me about it and asks what's up.
I'm in two minds, either I palm it off as being nothing and shit goes on like this, or I spill my heart out and tell her I'm madly in love with her. I'm looking at Rhys and he's shrugging and I know that he's not gonna mind cos A: he knows the whole situation with me feeling like that for months about her anyway, and B: he's my best mate. So now it comes down to being about her and how she'll react, and I think fuck it and it all comes pouring out and the emotion's running so strong I'm about ready to cry I'm so sure she's about to break my heart with the old "You're a really sweet guy, and a good friend . . ." when straight out of leftfield she's telling me she thinks I'm gorgeous and basically saying "Are you up for a threesome".
To my eternal regret, I turned it down. I was young, I was naive and insecure, and I wasn't entirely sure I wanted my first proper sexual experience to involve fucking my best mate's girl as well as being in close proximity to his cock. What can I say, I was sweet and innocent then, I hadn't released my inner wrongun.
Anyway, time passes blah blah blah, they end up splitting up, we fall out of contact etc. etc. this is all over 10 years ago now. What this rather extended preamble is leading up to is the freaky part, which is this: as you may know I'm somewhat of a *ahem* 'connoisseur of the erotic arts', and whilst I was satiating my particular penchant for five fingered filmic fun I'm absolutely gobsmacked to see this 'fisted and fucked girlfriend' turn to the camera and be the fucking spitting image of Claire. It's eerie, in fact it puts me off slightly for a second, because while my brain is saying "Nah, what are the chances" there's another part that's saying "Actually, probably quite high" - as I mentioned before she's quite the exhibitionist, and to put things into context she had a habit of getting the porn out when we were round, including such memorable classics as 'Necromantics'.
So it could be her, it might just fucking be her, I dunno, it's kinda put the zap on my head, y'know?
I think I'm gonna have to favourite it and examine it in closer detail
