Top 100 Quotes

[HC]

[quote author=Rosco link=topic=19840.msg503461#msg503461 date=1204229357]

<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me

Hah,that is fucking ace!

 

[Rosco]

<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

 

[Dave]

Haha that Jew one is class.

 

[Rosco]

reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....

 

[Rosco]

<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!

 

[Atlas]

[quote author=Rosco link=topic=19840.msg503504#msg503504 date=1204233290]

<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver!

[/quote]


HAHAHAHAHA

 

[Mr Moominpoops]

[quote author='Dave' link=topic=19840.msg503476#msg503476 date=1204230613]
Haha that Jew one is class.
[/quote]

It's an old old joke. The one about writing in caps is great.

 

[jexykrodic]

That is one of the funniest dialogue tracts I've read in a long time.

I hereby award Bloodninja a Cyber Oscar.

 

[Y1]

[quote author=LeTallecWiz link=topic=19840.msg466582#msg466582 date=1200559047]
[quote author=Paddy link=topic=19840.msg466361#msg466361 date=1200520547]

<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

]
[/quote]

;D


ha ha ha ha ha
[/quote]

 

[Judge Jules]

[quote author=Hardcastle link=topic=19840.msg503465#msg503465 date=1204229482]
[quote author=Rosco link=topic=19840.msg503461#msg503461 date=1204229357]

<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key
<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me

Hah,that is fucking ace!

[/quote]

I see you've encountered my distant cousin Judge Mental. He's the black sheep of the family. 😉

 

[WhyAlwaysMe?]

I just stumbled across this.... FUCKING BRILLIANT!


Escpeically the A-Z cock one...

Been laughing out loud to myself for the last 20mins ;D

 

[singlerider]

This is ace, although apparently this bloodninja chap is not just one bloke, but rather a collective called fugly.

Not that I'm arsed like, when there are gems like this:

victimx_22: How evil are you Sarah?
evil_sarah: What?
victimx_22: I'd like to do somethgn evile with you.
evil_sarah: Sex on your mind, huh?
victimx_22: Always lol
victimx_22: Why are you horny?
evil_sarah: Always lol
victimx_22: LOL
victimx_22: cute
evil_sarah: So are you gonna fuck me or what?
victimx_22: Sure. You got a picture?
evil_sarah: Yeah but you don't want it
victimx_22: Why?
evil_sarah: Its all choppy. I scanned it wrong.
victimx_22: Can you scan another one?
evil_sarah: My scanner is broken.
evil_sarah: Do you have one?
victimx_22: Yes. I'll send it.
victimx_22: *Pic*
evil_sarah: Not bad at all.
victimx_22: Well what do you look like then?
victimx_22: If you don't mind me asking
evil_sarah: You know Ester Rolle from "Good Times"?
victimx_22: Yeah
evil_sarah: I look like her.
evil_sarah: Are you there?
victimx_22: No thanks.
victimx_22: I don't fuck niggers
evil_sarah: What the?
evil_sarah: You racist piece of shit.
evil_sarah: I'm hispanic.
victimx_22: The mother from Good Times isn't hispanic
evil_sarah: So?
victimx_22: and she's a fat ass
evil_sarah: I AM NOT FAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
victimx_22: Then how the hell do you look like Ester Rolle?
victimx_22: Are you gonna answer me?
evil_sarah: Sorry. I've got irratable bowel syndrome.
evil_sarah: I had to clean something off of my carpet.
victimx_22: FUCKING SICK!
evil_sarah: Don't worry about it hunny. I won't get any on you.
evil_sarah: Taco Bell puts a beating on my ass.
victimx_22: That is so gross
evil_sarah: I can still suck your cock.
victimx_22: I'm not so sure
evil_sarah: Come on. I thought you were horny.
victimx_22: Why not. Go for it.
evil_sarah: OK!
evil_sarah: You ready?
victimx_22: yep
evil_sarah: I slowly unzip your pants.
evil_sarah: I feel your loins harden between my fingers.
evil_sarah: I gently free your manhood from your pants.
victimx_22: Yeah baby
evil_sarah: Squatting down on my kness to kiss you.
evil_sarah: Mmmmm you taste good.
evil_sarah: FUCK!
evil_sarah: Hang on.
victimx_22: Mmmmmmmm
evil_sarah: Gotta hit the bathroom again.
victimx_22: What happened?
victimx_22: Don't stop now
evil_sarah: Ok I'm back
evil_sarah: God damn diarrhea.
victimx_22: Almost there. Keep going.
evil_sarah: Ok. I slowly glide you inside my tight mouth.
evil_sarah: I begin to stroke you inside my mouth.
evil_sarah: You can feel my soft tongue on your member.
victimx_22: mmmmmmmmm yesssss
evil_sarah: I reach down and play with my cock.
evil_sarah: Just rolling my balls in my hand while I suck you
victimx_22: Mmmmmm almosttttt
evil_sarah: I begin to jack off while I give you head.
evil_sarah: I feel you throbbing in me.
victimx_22: WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!
evil_sarah: I wanna taste your..... what's wrong?
victimx_22: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOUR COCK?!?
evil_sarah: What? Can't I get myself off too?
victimx_22: YOU'RE A FUCKING GUY!????!!!
evil_sarah: Yeah. Whats the problem?
victimx_22: YOU FUCKING FAGGOT I'M GONNA KIL YER GAY ASS!
evil_sarah: Look man. I'm sorry.
evil_sarah: It's the Taco Bell I had.
evil_sarah: It normally doesn't smell that way
victimx_22: FUCK THAT SHIT! I AINT GAY YOU FUCKING QUEER!
evil_sarah: Well, you just came from a blowjob from another guy/
evil_sarah: So you must be half gay.
victimx_22: NO I DIDNT THANK GOD!
evil_sarah: So if you did cum, that would have made you gay?
victimx_22: I thought you were a girl! YOU FAGGOTT!
evil_sarah: Man, you've really got srtong feelings about blacks and gays, don't you?
evil_sarah: I'm always willing to help a fellow queer come out of the closet.
evil_sarah: Let me help you finish.
evil_sarah: Lowering my ass onto your dick...
victimx_22: FUCK YOU!!
evil_sarah: Riding it...
evil_sarah: Riiiiiding it!!
evil_sarah: Uh oh. Those wet farts are coming back.
victimx_22: I'LL KILL YOU FAGGOT!
evil_sarah: Oh god, I just shit on your dick.
evil_sarah: Sorry about that.
evil_sarah: Let me clean it off for you.
evil_sarah: Cup your hand over your nose so you don't smell it.
evil_sarah: mmmmmm
evil_sarah: Yeahhh baby.
evil_sarah: Hello?
evil_sarah: You there?
victimx_22: <User NotFound>

 

[singlerider]

HA!



VictimX_19: Hello
cheesedog: Hi.
VictimX_19: Do you feel like chatting with a 25 year old girl?
cheesedog: Sure! Where is she?
VictimX_19: me silly
cheesedog: are you sure you want to talk to me?
VictimX_19: why not
cheesedog: kool. what did you want to talk about?
VictimX_19: anything
cheesedog: can we talk about naked people?
VictimX_19: lol if thats what you want
cheesedog: Awesome!
cheesedog: Do you like being naked?
VictimX_19: of course
cheesedog: Are you naked now?
VictimX_19: no
cheesedog: Will you get naked?
VictimX_19: if you're nice
cheesedog: I'm nice
VictimX_19: Do you have a picture?
cheesedog: I do have one somewhere.
cheesedog: But I lost it.
VictimX_19: Then tell me what you look like.
cheesedog: I'm skinny. I got brown hair. And brown eyes
cheesedog: What do you look like?
VictimX_19: How tall are you?
VictimX_19: I'm kinda short. I'm just over four feet tall.
cheesedog: I'm short too still.
cheesedog: I'm over four feet tall too.
VictimX_19: I kind of chunky but have beautiful long blonde hair and blue eyes.
cheesedog: Wow. You sound pretty.
VictimX_19: Would you like to see a picture of me?
cheesedog: Sure.
VictimX_19: Here it is. *PIC*
cheesedog: I can see your boobies!
VictimX_19: I know you can silly. lol
cheesedog: I love your picture!
VictimX_19: I'm glad you approve.
cheesedog: Do you have any more?
VictimX_19: Sorry hun. Thats all I have for you now.
cheesedog: Awww man.
VictimX_19: If you're good maybe I'll send you some more.
cheesedog: I'll be good for you!
VictimX_19: Will you suck on my tits for me?
cheesedog: Tee Hee
cheesedog: That's dirty.
VictimX_19: Well?
cheesedog: You're funny.
cheesedog: Okay I will.
VictimX_19: Well suck them Cheezy!
cheesedog: Where do you live?
VictimX_19: Are you gonna ask questions or suck my tits?
cheesedog: I jut want to know where you live.
VictimX_19: Houston, TX.
cheesedog: That's weird!
cheesedog: My dad used to live there!
VictimX_19: Oh cool what part?
cheesedog: Let me ask him. He's in the other room.
VictimX_19: You live at home?
cheesedog: Uh huh.
cheesedog: I'm asking my dad to come here so you can give him directions.
VictimX_19: Directions?
cheesedog: To your house.
cheesedog: So he can drive me there.
VictimX_19: What the hell ?
VictimX_19: Are you still there baby?
VictimX_19: what are you doing?
cheesedog: Hello?
cheesedog: Who is this?
cheesedog: What the hell do you think you're doing?
cheesedog: asking my 10 year old son to suck your tits?
VictimX_19: OMG
cheesedog: Well?
cheesedog: Do you get off molesting little boys?
cheesedog: ANSWER me.
VictimX_19: I didn't know he was 10. I'm sooo sorry.
cheesedog: You sent him a nude picture?
cheesedog: Are you fucking sick?
VictimX_19: Listen Mr. I didn't know he was 10.
VictimX_19: The Profile said he was 26!
cheesedog: This is MY account. NOT his.
cheesedog: He was supposed to be researching his social studies project in here!
VictimX_19: I'm sorry. I'll leave now.
cheesedog: No!
cheesedog: Wait a second.
cheesedog: now that I look at you...
cheesedog: This picture looks kinda nice.
cheesedog: I'll make a deal with you.
VictimX_19: huh?
cheesedog: I won't report you to the police if you have cyber sex with me.
cheesedog: Do we have a deal?
VictimX_19: Are you fucking crazy?
cheesedog: I can still let my son join in.
cheesedog: If thats what you're into.
cheesedog: He's gotta learn about sex somewhere.
VictimX_19: OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU ARE SO FUCKING GROSS!!
cheesedog: Come on. It will be fun.
cheesedog: His name is Billy.
cheesedog: Do you still want him to suck your tits?
VictimX_19: No. go away you sick fuck
cheesedog: I'll just sit over here in this chair and take Polaroid pictures of the two of you.
cheesedog: With this blanket on my lap.
cheesedog: Mmmm. Yeah.
VictimX_19: Fuck off you sick freak.
cheesedog: Here, I'll turn out the light...
cheesedog: ..so all you can see is the glow from my cigarette.
cheesedog: and the ocassional flash from my camera.
cheesedog: Come on. Tell me how you want my son to suck your tits again.
cheesedog: Hello?
cheesedog: Are you there?
cheesedog: Why won't you answer me?

 

[RedKev]

unrelated but funny

http://www.break.com/index/it-guy-vs-dumb-employees.html

 

[Squiggles]

cheezedawg: Are you the one having trouble finding work?
cruzingurl82: Yes
cruzingurl82: why?
cheezedawg: just curious. I had the same problem a couple months back
cruzingurl82: are you from this area?
cheezedawg: not really. But I'm close by.
cruzingurl82: oh
cheezedawg: what do you do?
cruzingurl82: right now i'd do anything
cheezedawg: oh really?
cheezedawg: do you mean that?
cruzingurl82: you aren't some sick pervert are you?
cheezedawg: yes. why do you ask?
cruzingurl82: sorry I don't do that
cheezedawg: do what?
cruzingurl82: I have my self respect
cruzingurl82: prostitute
cheezedawg: WOAH!
cheezedawg: back up here
cheezedawg: I didn't offer you any money
cruzingurl82: so what do you want?
cheezedawg: to help
cruzingurl82: how?
cheezedawg: Can you commute to work?
cruzingurl82: yes but not that far.
cheezedawg: How about Dover? That's not too far.
cheezedawg: I can get you a job in Dover.
cruzingurl82: probally, but I'd like something closer.
cruzingurl82: what kind of job is it?
cheezedawg: Modeling
cruzingurl82: I tried that once.
cruzingurl82: wait a minute
cruzingurl82: you don't mean nude modeling do you?
cheezedawg: I know some model chicks in Dover that can hook you up.
cruzingurl82: please don't say that
cheezedawg: say what?
cruzingurl82: model chicks
cheezedawg: What's wrong with "Model Chicks"?
cruzingurl82: Well, its not very politically correct
cheezedawg: Ok then
cheezedawg: Female fashion represenatives.
cheezedawg: better?
cruzingurl82: LOL
cruzingurl82: much 🙂
cruzingurl82: I almost got into the field once before
cruzingurl82: I got scared and backed out
cheezedawg: what field? A baseball field?
cruzingurl82: NOOOO! LOL
cruzingurl82: Female fashion as you call it.
cheezedawg: what stopped you? Are you ugly?
cruzingurl82: NO!
cruzingurl82: I'm very cute
cruzingurl82: at least I think so.
cheezedawg: Show me
cruzingurl82: I don't even know your name
cheezedawg: It's Johnny
cruzingurl82: last name?
cheezedawg: Cheesedog
cruzingurl82: Cheesedog???
cheezedawg: Yes ma'am.
cruzingurl82: weird
cheezedawg: Yeah I know
cruzingurl82: What do you do Johnny?
cheezedawg: I haul dead bodies around
cruzingurl82: stop please
cheezedawg: Oops I forgot.
cheezedawg: I'm a transportation coordinator for the living impaired.
cruzingurl82: LOL
cruzingurl82: You're funny
cheezedawg: Am I? Gee thanks
cruzingurl82: I meant you're a funny guy
cheezedawg: Yes I've been told that before.
cruzingurl82: What do you really do?
cheezedawg: Ummmmm haul dead bodies around?
cheezedawg: HELLO??!!??
cruzingurl82: Are you serious?
cheezedawg: Sure as anything else
cruzingurl82: You work for a cemetary?
cheezedawg: We prefer to call it a resting ground for the breathing impaired.
cruzingurl82: LMAOOOO
cruzingurl82: You are a riot!
cheezedawg: And I'm sexy too!
cruzingurl82: I bet
cheezedawg: I am
cruzingurl82: You should be a comedian.
cheezedawg: Perhaps one day I will be.
cruzingurl82: do you have a picture?
cheezedawg: I have many
cruzingurl82: Can I see it?
cheezedawg: On one condition.
cheezedawg: hello???
cruzingurl82: What?
cheezedawg: I said I'll show you on one condition
cruzingurl82: What's that?
cheezedawg: I get to see yours.
cruzingurl82: Okay
cheezedawg: You first
cruzingurl82: Why do I have to be first?
cheezedawg: cause one of us has to be first.
cruzingurl82: why not you?
cheezedawg: Are we gonna play fifth grade games or are you gonna send it?
cruzingurl82: Okay hold your horses.
cheezedawg: *holding*
cheezedawg: *still holding*
cruzingurl82: here ya go *PIC*
cheezedawg: Looking.....
cruzingurl82: Okay
cheezedawg: Holy shit! This is really you?
cruzingurl82: yes
cheezedawg: *hands you a carrot*
cruzingurl82: what is that suppose to be?
cheezedawg: nothing
cheezedawg: so Whats up Doc?
cheezedawg: Daffy been giving you trouble lately?
cruzingurl82: what are you talking about?
cruzingurl82: are you gonna send me your picture now?
cheezedawg: Sure.
cheezedawg: Hey! I just thought of a great job for you!
cruzingurl82: Whats that?
cheezedawg: Working at a bar! You could make mad money!
cruzingurl82: I don't know how to bartend
cheezedawg: Nooooooo not as a bartender
cheezedawg: excuse me.... alcoholic beverage dispenser.
cruzingurl82: LOL Then what?
cheezedawg: Check this out
cheezedawg: You stand behind the bar while the bartender takes the orders.
cheezedawg: When a customer orders a beer you open your mouth...
cruzingurl82: I'm confused
cheezedawg: Then the bartender takes the beer....
cheezedawg: And pops the cap off on your two buck teeth!
cheezedawg: Everyone goes home happy!
cruzingurl82: fuck off
cheezedawg: I'm just trying to help you sweety
cheezedawg: I know how hard it is to get work
cruzingurl82: so you make fun of me?
cheezedawg: I wasn't making fun of you
cruzingurl82: yes you were
cheezedawg: If I was making fun of you, I'd have told you to go get a job chewing through telephones with those things
cruzingurl82: FUCK YOU!
cruzingurl82: FUCKING ASSHOLE!
cheezedawg: I'm on a roll now.
cheezedawg: How about you suck my dick you buck: toothed whore?
cheezedawg: I'm sorry
cheezedawg: I meant "dentally challenged Vaginal sales represenative"
cruzingurl82: Eat shit and die loser
cruzingurl82: I don't need to floss right now with your little prick you fucking LOSER!
cheezedawg: You'd need more than mine dick for that.
cheezedawg: Maybe a thick rope or a heavy metal chain....
cruzingurl82: I'm putting you on ignore
cheezedawg: Don't leave yet!
cheezedawg: I'm sorry
cheezedawg: I really want to help you find a job.
cheezedawg: Maybe you could use your teeth to pierce people's ears or something.
cheezedawg: One good CHOMP is all it should take
cruzingurl82: <User is Unavailable for Chat>

 

[Delinquent]

I can't believe I missed this thread before. It's been causing me problems at work all week what with all the uncontrollable laughing. Here's a couple more I found with Marquis' link.......

Cheezedawg: Hi
Cheezedawg: What's up, cutie?
lovedove1981: Nothin
Cheezedawg: How about you and me gettin' it on?
lovedove1981: I dun think so
Cheezedawg: Hows come?
lovedove1981: cause I dun know u
Cheezedawg: what difference does that make?
lovedove1981: I dun mess around with ppl I dun know
Cheezedawg: My name is Cheeze
Cheezedawg: I'm 26 and have long blonde hair
Cheezedawg: I enjoy mountain biking and drinking Jack Daniels
lovedove1981: quite a combo lol
Cheezedawg: You don't like Jack Daniels?
lovedove1981: Not too much
Cheezedawg: Then what good are you?
Cheezedawg: Probably lousy in the sack too
lovedove1981: Get fucked
Cheezedawg: Ok! What time? Now?
lovedove1981: Not with me asshole
lovedove1981: Go fuck yourself
Cheezedawg: Why are you being so mean to me?
lovedove1981: U started it!
Cheezedawg: No I didn't!
lovedove1981: u said I was bad in bed!
Cheezedawg: Well..are you?
lovedove1981: Fuck off
Cheezedawg: No
lovedove1981: Yes
Cheezedawg: No
lovedove1981: Yes
Cheezedawg: No
lovedove1981: your so stupid
cheezedawg: Yes
lovedove1981: No
Cheezedawg: Ok
Cheezedawg: what do you wanna talk about?
lovedove1981: ???
lovedove1981: Nthing with u
Cheezedawg: Anything? Ok, how about we talk about your ability to suck dicks.
lovedove1981: NO FUCKHEAD! NOTHING! NOT ANYTHING!
Cheezedawg: But I love you.
lovedove1981: Whatever
Cheezedawg: I mean it..
Cheezedawg: I really do.
lovedove1981: Leave me alone!
Cheezedawg: This is the thanks I get?
lovedove1981: For what? Being a jerk?
Cheezedawg: No. For trying to make friends.
lovedove1981: U got a lot to learn
Cheezedawg: About what?
lovedove1981: Everything!
Cheezedawg: I'm so stupid. I can never talk to girls.
lovedove1981: well try being more polite for starters
Cheezedawg: Oh yeah? What do you mean?
lovedove1981: Don't talk about sex
Cheezedawg: People don't like sex?
lovedove1981: yea but get to know them first.
lovedove1981: Then talk about it if both are comfortable with it.
Cheezedawg: Ok. So I should ask them their name first?
lovedove1981: That would help.
Cheezedawg: Ok
Cheezedawg: lets practice.
lovedove1981: no
Cheezedawg: Why?
lovedove1981: Try it on someone else.
Cheezedawg: Whats wrong? I just want some help.
Cheezedawg: come on.
Cheezedawg: Pleeeease?
Cheezedawg: Plese just let me try to be nice. I'm sorry.
lovedove1981: fine.
Cheezedawg: ok. Thank you!
Cheezedawg: I'll start.
Cheezedawg: Hi I am Cheeze! Whats your name?
lovedove1981: Linda.
Cheezedawg: I am very pleased to meet you, Linda!!
lovedove1981: You too
Cheezedawg: Do you think that I am polite?
lovedove1981: So far so good
Cheezedawg: Thank you!
Cheezedawg: Now that we've met...
Cheezedawg: can I put my cock in your cum-dumpster?
lovedove1981: Fuck u
Cheezedawg: What?
Cheezedawg: What's the matter?
lovedove1981: You don't get it, nevermind.
Cheezedawg: I did what you told me to do!
lovedove1981: I said don't talk about sex!
Cheezedawg: You said get to know them first.
Cheezedawg: I learned your name.
lovedove1981: You have to learn more than that!
Cheezedawg: What else?
lovedove1981: Things
Cheezedawg: What things?
Cheezedawg: What else should I do?
lovedove1981: Look, just leave me alone. I have to go talk to someone
Cheezedawg: But I don't want you to go
lovedove1981: Sorry
Cheezedawg: Please stay and help me.
lovedove1981: I can't
Cheezedawg: Can't? ...or won't?
lovedove1981: Both
Cheezedawg: You're so mean. I just want to learn to talk to girls.
Cheezedawg: Im sorry. Will you please help me. I really mean it
lovedove1981: I don't have time to goof off like this I am working
Cheezedawg: this is the reason that I am so depressed all the time
Cheezedawg: i just want to learn to talk to girls
lovedove1981: well youll just scare them away
lovedove1981: no girl will go for that kind of talk
Cheezedawg: Some girls do
Cheezedawg: they like it
lovedove1981: Well go talk to them then. leave me alone
Cheezedawg: Please will you just try once more?
Cheezedawg: let's start over, just one more time.
Cheezedawg: I promise I can do better
Cheezedawg: Please Linda? Don't give up on me like this
Cheezedawg: Here. I'm going to start again
Cheezedawg: Hi there, I know you don't know me
Cheezedawg: but I saw your profile on IM and wondered of you'd like to chat with me.
Cheezedawg: My name is Cheeze, and I am 26.
Cheezedawg: I am from Maryland, and there is a photo on my profile if you'd like to see what I look like.
lovedove1981: that was a little better but you sound old now
Cheezedawg: I understand that you might be busy
Cheezedawg: but I think you're very attractive and would love to chat with you some time.
Cheezedawg: How am I doing?
lovedove1981: good. see, you can be polite if you really try
Cheezedawg: I think I understand now.
Cheezedawg: Assuming that girls will instantly talk to me about sex will get me nowhere.
lovedove1981: thats what i was saying
Cheezedawg: I have to get to know them first.
Cheezedawg: And even then, not all women are going to appriciate that kind of language.
lovedove1981: that's right. i am impressed
Cheezedawg: Thank you. I'm sorry about before.
Cheezedawg: I hope i didn't offend you with any of that vulgar language.
lovedove1981: no. i'm a big girl. I can take it.
lovedove1981: am i talking to the same person?
Cheezedawg: Hey, i know this is kind of forward of me, and that I really don't know you all that well yet..
Cheezedawg: But I really do think you're cute
Cheezedawg: and since we're both in Maryland, and not too far from eachother
Cheezedawg: Do you think you would like to go out sometime?
lovedove1981: hmm I don't think so
Cheezedawg: I understand. It's ok.
lovedove1981: I dont even know your real name
Cheezedawg: Oh, I'm sorry. I should have told you before. It's John.
lovedove1981: hi John
lovedove1981: do you go to salisbury too?
Cheezedawg: Do you mean am I a student there? No.
Cheezedawg: But I do use the library sometimes. It's very nice.
Cheezedawg: I guess it just takes me a little while to get comfortable with someone.
lovedove1981: lol I'll say. you come off as a freak
Cheezedawg: How about this?
Cheezedawg: Maybe we can meet at the library sometime and get some lunch together?
Cheezedawg: I'm really sorry for making such a terrible impression on you at first.
lovedove1981: probably not I have class 8:40 to 5
Cheezedawg: wow, that's a pretty long day.
Cheezedawg: Do you get a break in there at all?
lovedove1981: 12 to 1 i do but I am usually studying
Cheezedawg: How about if I meet you this Wednesday?
lovedove1981: i never ever meet people from the internet
lovedove1981: too many freaks 🙂
Cheezedawg: That's cool. I understand. I just figured since we both go to the same school and all.
Cheezedawg: It's not so weird when you think of it that way. We're practically neighbors.
Cheezedawg: Maybe I'll see you at the library sometime.
Cheezedawg: That would be a lot less strange for the both of us.
lovedove1981: well if I ever see you don't come up and start talkign to me about sucking cock ok?
Cheezedawg: I'm really sorry. I am a total idiot for talking to you that way.
Cheezedawg: I was really just goofing around
Cheezedawg: I didn't mean any of that. I guess i just have a sick sense of humor, that's all
lovedove1981: yeah you do
lovedove1981: that might be cute if i knew you but saying that to strangers is weird John
Cheezedawg: I know. I'm so bad at talking to girls.
Cheezedawg: I always have been.
Cheezedawg: I guess I'm just shy
Cheezedawg: well maybe i'll see you around school.
lovedove1981: maybe
Cheezedawg: It was nice to meet you.
lovedove1981: you too
Cheezedawg: ok, bye.
lovedove1981: hey
Cheezedawg: Yeah?
lovedove1981: i usually hang out in the Quad on my break
Cheezedawg: well maybe I'll see you there some time then 🙂
lovedove1981: maybe
lovedove1981: 🙂
Cheezedawg: I'll bring a hatchet with me and bury it in the back of your skull.
lovedove1981: WHAT!!
Cheezedawg: Yeah, then I'll gonna lick your blood off of it and wipe my tounge on your shirt!
Cheezedawg: Then I'll rape the wound it left!
Cheezedawg: and cum on your fucking brain!
lovedove1981: Fuck you
lovedove1981: Leave me alone or I'll call the cops
Cheezedawg: What?
Cheezedawg: No, wait!
Cheezedawg: That doesn't turn you on?
lovedove1981: NO!!!
Cheezedawg: Girls don't like that either?
lovedove1981: NOOOOO!!!!
Cheezedawg: But I didn't even say anything about sex that time.
Cheezedawg: I was talking about my cock squeezing in between your brain lobes...
lovedove1981: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Cheezedawg: Your eyeball poking in and out from the backforce....
Cheezedawg: My hot love juice squirting on your medula oblongada...
lovedove1981: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Cheezedawg: I wanna fuck your brain!
Cheezedawg: So do you still want to have lunch with me?
Cheezedawg: Dammit. I'm sorry. I always screw things up.
Cheezedawg: Dammit. I am such an idiot.
Cheezedawg: Ok. No sex, and no killing. DAMMIT.
Cheezedawg: I'll just meet you on Wednesday anyway.
Cheezedawg: We'll talk more then.
lovedove1981: <User Has Logged Out>
Cheezedawg: hello?


and......


RockClmbr2002: rachael, do u have bragg?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: who is this
RockClmbr2002: trevor
RockClmbr2002: do you have bragg?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: no i don't hon
RockClmbr2002: oh, ok, nm then
RockClmbr2002: thnx neways
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: your welcome sexy
RockClmbr2002: what?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: you know i never told you before but i think you're sexy
RockClmbr2002: ok, like, are you Rachael? or is someone else there cuz this is a little scary
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: its me honey
RockClmbr2002: ok, well, what have you beeen doing lately?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: not a whole lot what about you?
RockClmbr2002: um, well, i hjave been thinking about you
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: oh really?
RockClmbr2002: yes really, alot of time
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: and what thoughts have you been having about me?
RockClmbr2002: well, it was.. nothing really
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: you were doing alot of thinking about me but it was nothing really?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: hey you don't have to be shy with me
RockClmbr2002: oh, ok, well, i don't know how to put what i felt in words
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: well why don't you try
RockClmbr2002: well, ok, but what do u want me to say?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: its not about what i want you to say or what i want to hear sweetie
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: its about your feelings
RockClmbr2002: oh, wel, i don't know what to say, rent u an geof?
RockClmbr2002: nm
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: no but i think you have feelings for me
RockClmbr2002: what kind of feelings?
RockClmbr2002: and would that be god or bad?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: you know romantic feelings i've seen the way you look at me
RockClmbr2002: well, do u like those feelings that u see
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i have the same feelings for you
RockClmbr2002: oh
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: yes when i see you i get a tingly feeling all over
RockClmbr2002: well, um, i have soathing to say to
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: yes?
RockClmbr2002: well, i should apologize if i led u the wrong way, um, yeah
RockClmbr2002: the thing I wanted to say was, "Alex"
RockClmbr2002: sorry
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: what about alex?
RockClmbr2002: well, she is the love of my life
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i know that sweetie thats why i haven't made a move on you before
RockClmbr2002: well, what happened w/ Goef?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: he's a nice guy
RockClmbr2002: well, don't u think, nm
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: but he's lacking in some areas
RockClmbr2002: like what?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: well its kinda hard to explain
RockClmbr2002: oh, well, what do u see in me?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: well Geof is nice but he's a minute man
RockClmbr2002: oh, ok
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: and i do like him but its not satisfying
RockClmbr2002: oh, and i am?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: when it comes to that thing i'd much rather be with you
RockClmbr2002: oh, ok, what about like fletcher, or trent, or even lucas?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: well i do have fantasies
RockClmbr2002: omg, relly?
RockClmbr2002: omg
RockClmbr2002: woww
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: well you do too!
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i got news for you mister we females like it too and have our own fantasies
RockClmbr2002: like what?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: well i know you guys
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: you have all sorts of naughty thoughts
RockClmbr2002: go on
RockClmbr2002: please do
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i'll bet you've fantisied about haveing more than one girl in the sack haven't y you?
RockClmbr2002: um, well
RockClmbr2002: uh, do u eally want me talking bout this
RockClmbr2002: do u enjoy ur little fantasies
RockClmbr2002: and what happens in these fantasies, rachael?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: come on its a common fantasy amoung men
RockClmbr2002: well, all guys are different, u dont't know bout me
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i do enjoy them
RockClmbr2002: what happens in them
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: true but tell me you haven't once thought of me and Alex and you together
RockClmbr2002: well, i dont really want to b sharing that rigth now
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i know you are uncomfortable
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: she is yourlove and thoughts of sex with someone other than her might make you feel bad
RockClmbr2002: if i said yes to u, would u want to make love with me
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: yes i would
RockClmbr2002: what if it was 2morrow
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: yes tomorrow what time? my place or yours?
RockClmbr2002: and what do u think?
RockClmbr2002: would be best
RockClmbr2002: place and time
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: its up to you
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: is there anything special you want me to wear
RockClmbr2002: well, i don know, r ur parents home
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: crap i think moms gonna be home tomorrow
RockClmbr2002: oh, ok, does nebody else know about it, ne friends, ppl, etc.
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: GOD NO!
RockClmbr2002: would u ever tell?
RockClmbr2002: ne one?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: NO! i know you love alex alot it would kill her if she found out
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: and Geof. i like him too i'd hate to hurt his feelings
RockClmbr2002: oh, ok, r u serious about doing it?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: yes can we do it your bedroom?
RockClmbr2002: impossible, my parents, and my mom is always home
RockClmbr2002: plus how ould u ge here
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: ok lets meet some where
RockClmbr2002: like where
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: how abotu at Alex's house?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: she's right here with me.
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: want me to ask her if it's ok for us to have sex at her house?
RockClmbr2002: bull shit she is not there
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: Trevor. This is Alex.
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I can't believe you are trying to have sex with Rachel
RockClmbr2002: what is this
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I came over here to talk to Rachel and you wrote to her
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: what the hell do you think you're doing, Trevor?
RockClmbr2002: i am not doing anything shes the one who started it
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: Oh, please. I've been watching the entire time, Trevor.
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: it was funny at first but then you started trying to have SEX with her???
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: Trevor, you told me that you loved me!
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: NOW YOU WANT TO FUCK RACHAEL?
RockClmbr2002: I DIOD NOT DO ANYTHING ALEX
RockClmbr2002: ALL i did was ask her if she had bragg and then i was going
RockClmbr2002: she started and I was just joking anyway
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I don't believe you and I don't ever want to see you again, Trevor.
RockClmbr2002: ALEX
RockClmbr2002: LISTEN TO ME
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: NO. goodbye, Trevor
RockClmbr2002: ALEX
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i hate you and i hope you DIE!!
RockClmbr2002: ALEX
RockClmbr2002: rachel tell her the truth that you were just joking with me
RockClmbr2002: rachel
RockClmbr2002: answer me please
RockClmbr2002: this isn't funny it was just a joke so why wont you answer
RockClmbr2002: alex
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: sorry trevor
RockClmbr2002: this isnt funny
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i thought it would be funny but then you got all serious
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: this is rachale again
RockClmbr2002: I DID NOT
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: alex left
RockClmbr2002: YOUR tHE one who started this
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: im really sorry
RockClmbr2002: where did she go?
RockClmbr2002: this is not even funny rachael
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: please trevor im really sorry
RockClmbr2002: you just messed up my whole life
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: im so sorry
RockClmbr2002: is she gone or is she still there
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: she ran out
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i think shes downstairs calling her mom
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: are you ok?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: trevor
RockClmbr2002: im here
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: im so sorry
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: but i really do think about you like that all the time
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i know this is all crazy now but do you still?
RockClmbr2002: are you serious?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: yeah
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: alex left and i dont know
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: you said you were thinking about me
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: is that true?
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i really do think your sexy and
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: i dont know
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: nevermind
RockClmbr2002: this is crazy
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: im sorry about alex
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: are you mad at me?
RockClmbr2002: no
RockClmbr2002: im not mad
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: so do you still want to meet?
RockClmbr2002: yeah i do but this is all messed up now
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: you do
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: do you still want to have sex?
RockClmbr2002: yeah but
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: you do?
RockClmbr2002: yes i do
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: TREVOR! THIS IS ALEX STILL.
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU
RockClmbr2002: this is just crazy
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE TREVOR YOU LIAR!!!!
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN!!
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I HOPE YOU DIE AND GO TO FUCKING HELL TREVOR!
RockClmbr2002: i cant take this
ra3ch3lth3gr3at: I HOPE YOU DIE AND GO TO HELL!!
RockClmbr2002: <<user has logged out>>

 

[foureyes]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA. Cheesedawg is a motherfucking legend.

 

[Milner]

cheezedawg: I'm on a roll now.
cheezedawg: How about you suck my dick you buck: toothed whore?
cheezedawg: I'm sorry
cheezedawg: I meant "dentally challenged Vaginal sales represenative"

This had me in tears.

 

[Friend no. 2]

once every month or so I re-read this htread...its great....Here's a few more I found


F.: You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
SexyKarla17: Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
I.F.: a Kodiac bear
SexyKarla17: ?
I.F.: Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
SexyKarla17: Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach
I.F.: I growl to warm you my cubs are near
SexyKarla17: huh?
I.F.: Bears get f**kin pumped when anyone is near their cubs
Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
SexyKarla17: I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
I.F.: Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
SexyKarla17: hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly
I.F.: I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
I.F.: I Growl again, and start to bite you
SexyKarla17: Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
I.F.: I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
SexyKarla17: what the f**k?
I.F.:uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

------------------------------------

I.F.: My s**t is hard you ready to jump aboard?
1hOttYeVe: oh yea im so wet right now
I.F.: Why you just shower?
1hOttYeVe: no im wet for you
I.F.: Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator s**t you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it.
1hOttYeVe: What the f**k are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?
I.F.: I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...
I.F.: Im sorry lets continue!
1hOttYeVe: alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest
I.F.: I pop like 16 boners
1hOttYeVe: what the f**k!
I.F.: what?

-------------------------------------

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh s**t, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only f**k women...
J-Dogg: S**it just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dips**t.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

---------------------------------------

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the f**k are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: F**k me, F**k me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.

Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to f**k then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.

-------------------------

Jdogg: Hey
QT-Pie: Hey
Jdogg: whats goin on
QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg: Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie: what does that mean?
Jdogg: what are you wearing?
QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg: Garter belt?
QT-Pie: Ummm...no.
Jdogg: Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your p*ssy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg: You leave everything to Jdogg.
Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.