I know you also think your death is a joke too. Wrong. If memory serves I explained how the universe works to you, Oncy god rest his soul understood, Hal and the doc understood, but few others.
The probabilities don't randomly assign themselves, they follow from the numbers of ways the particles in the universe can be arranged for each corresponding outcome. If you are despondent, expect doom, and then doom happens, there are few particle arrangements corresponding to that in your brain. Think of the depression as an indicator of the limited movement of electrons in your brain, this is the ideal state. If you are in a state of foolish excitement, then we get beat and your brain experiences unimaginable rage and disappointment, the number of particle arrangements for this is countless, and therefore the probability goes up. Don't do it. Because then the only way to bring the number of arrangements down is to kill one of you, so that your electrons no longer move. It's the quickest way to eliminate possible arrangements out of the equation.