Pre-Season Roast: Liverpool

[Modo]

Check it: https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/4uo2aw/preseason_roast_liverpool/

Fuck it...

"I've been to Liverpool, and never walking alone is actually pretty good advice"​

Props to Frankie Boyle

Playing Pokemon Go in Liverpool is really hard these days.

If you kill yourself it's suicide. If you kill someone it's homicide. If you haven't won the Premier League for 20+ years it's Merseyside.

3 men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rastafarian, in a maternity ward, all 3 waiting for their wives to give birth. Nurse comes out and tells them, "The name tags have been mixed up, can you go in there and identify your babies?"
The Manc goes in first, comes out with a Black baby, the Rasta looks confused. He says, "Hey I am sure as Jah, that's my baby!" The Manc replies, "Probably, but one of those babies in there is a Scouser and I ain't taking any chances!"

Last time Liverpool won the league, Jon Flanagan's parents were just brother and sister...

Steven Gerrard is writing an autobiography. As of yet it has no title.

You know it's bad when Stoke defenders feel sorry for you and let your team's captain score out of sheer pity.

Q:What ship has never docked in Liverpool?
A:The Premiership

How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they would rather sit around in the dark and talk about how good the old one was.

Last week, temperatures around England hit the 90s.
Except at Anfield, where they're still stuck in the 80s.

 

[Frogfish]

Ah they have added a Liverpool one. With hundreds of posts the least you could do is clip the better ones like I did you lazy sod !

 

[737Max]

And here I was thinking this thread was about Clyne's sex tape

 

[Modo]

Ah they have added a Liverpool one. With hundreds of posts the least you could do is clip the better ones like I did you lazy sod !

I honestly thought about it, then I realised that if I did, it would somehow turn into a "Modo hates Liverpudlians" thing.

 

[6TimesaRed]

The baby grew up to be memphis who also didn't take any chances..

 

[FoxForceFive]

Tbf, those last two are actually pretty good.

 

[manwithnoname]

The LFC sub-reddit is genuinely one of the worst things on the internet. Almost as bad as SQUAWK.

Loads of starry-eyed fucking twats who know fuck all about Liverpool or indeed football. I was on there when we signed Balotelli, and it was enough to make a grown man cry.

 

[Rosco]

This was decent too:

I can't make a good joke. I'll just find one and take it from /r/saintsfc.