I know it's obvious for us to be linked with him as his cuntract is up. But no. Fuck off.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/apr/14/1
Having failed to overturn their four-goal first-leg deficit against Real Madrid and with the prospect of a series of unappealing Channel 5 and ITV4 Thursday night schedule-fillers looming, the following players will leave Tottenham Hotspur during the summer: Benoît Assou-Ekotto (Bayern Munich), Gareth Bale (Barcelona), Peter Crouch (Bolton Wanderers), Jermain Defoe (Aston Villa), Heurelho Gomes (Ajax), Tom Huddlestone (Sunderland), Jermaine Jenas (West Brom), Niko Kranjcar (Fiorentina), Aaron Lennon (Arsenal), Luka Modric (Milan), Rafael van der Vaart (Manchester United), Sandro (Borussia Dortmund) and Roman Pavlyuchenko (Rotherham United).
This inevitable exodus, which Spurs fans prefer to pretend won't happen, means Harry Redknapp will have to enter a previously uncharted – for him, at least – alien wheeler-dealer netherworld, in which he'll be forced to rebuild his side around a spine comprising Carlo Cudicini, Ledley King, Jonathan Woodgate, and his beloved wife Sandra. He'll begin the process by bringing Borussia Dortmund defender Neven Subotic to White Hart Lane, although he'll have to fight off interest from Chelsea, Arsenal, Juve and Milan to do so.
In an exclusive that's even more exclusive than its website's lead stories that mass migration has divided our society and a famous Welsh actress who is married to a famous American actor is mentally unwell, the Mail reports that Manchester United agreed a £17.8m five-year deal for the 20-year-old Atlético Madrid goalkeeper and long-time Rumour Mill staple David de Gea. United haven't yet agreed a deal to bring Celtic's Israeli midfielder Biram Kayal to Old Trafford, but Sir Alex Ferguson is believed to be an admirer of the 22-year-old.
Hamstrung Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez is off to Juventus, according to cerebral radio station TalkSport, which also suggests that "versatile" Ajax defender Vurnon Anita (he can sing, tap-dance and perform basic conjuring) is wanted by both Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur.
Hulking Ipswich Town man-boy Connor Wickham. Liverpool. £5m. You do the math(s). And with the Bolton centre-half Gary Cahill wanted by a number of clubs with bigger wads to wave than Kenny Dalglish, the Liverpool manager has earmarked the PSG defender Mamadou Sakho as his Plan B, but not in a hip-hop artist-turned-soul crooner way. Perhaps out of pity, Liverpool may also provide a retirement home for their one-time superstar Michael Owen, who's certain to leave Manchester United this season. And if you've tittle-tattle linking Newcastle full-back José Enrique with Liverpool, banish it from your mind: Alan Pardew insists he's going nowhere.
He's going somewhere, isn't he?
Depending on which newspaper you read, when Carlo Ancelotti leaves Stamford Bridge to go and manage Roma this summer, he'll be replaced by Guus Hiddink (Daily Mail), a "dream team" composed of José Mourinho and Guus Hiddink (Mirror), Marco van Basten (the S**) or Frank Rijkaard (Star).
And finally, Fulham are "in the hunt" for Espanyol striker Pablo Osvaldo, while West Ham are "watching" Sporting Lisbon striker Yannick Djalo ... but not in a sinister attic-dwelling-peering-through-holes-they've-drilled-in-his-ceiling way.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/apr/14/1
Having failed to overturn their four-goal first-leg deficit against Real Madrid and with the prospect of a series of unappealing Channel 5 and ITV4 Thursday night schedule-fillers looming, the following players will leave Tottenham Hotspur during the summer: Benoît Assou-Ekotto (Bayern Munich), Gareth Bale (Barcelona), Peter Crouch (Bolton Wanderers), Jermain Defoe (Aston Villa), Heurelho Gomes (Ajax), Tom Huddlestone (Sunderland), Jermaine Jenas (West Brom), Niko Kranjcar (Fiorentina), Aaron Lennon (Arsenal), Luka Modric (Milan), Rafael van der Vaart (Manchester United), Sandro (Borussia Dortmund) and Roman Pavlyuchenko (Rotherham United).
This inevitable exodus, which Spurs fans prefer to pretend won't happen, means Harry Redknapp will have to enter a previously uncharted – for him, at least – alien wheeler-dealer netherworld, in which he'll be forced to rebuild his side around a spine comprising Carlo Cudicini, Ledley King, Jonathan Woodgate, and his beloved wife Sandra. He'll begin the process by bringing Borussia Dortmund defender Neven Subotic to White Hart Lane, although he'll have to fight off interest from Chelsea, Arsenal, Juve and Milan to do so.
In an exclusive that's even more exclusive than its website's lead stories that mass migration has divided our society and a famous Welsh actress who is married to a famous American actor is mentally unwell, the Mail reports that Manchester United agreed a £17.8m five-year deal for the 20-year-old Atlético Madrid goalkeeper and long-time Rumour Mill staple David de Gea. United haven't yet agreed a deal to bring Celtic's Israeli midfielder Biram Kayal to Old Trafford, but Sir Alex Ferguson is believed to be an admirer of the 22-year-old.
Hamstrung Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez is off to Juventus, according to cerebral radio station TalkSport, which also suggests that "versatile" Ajax defender Vurnon Anita (he can sing, tap-dance and perform basic conjuring) is wanted by both Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur.
Hulking Ipswich Town man-boy Connor Wickham. Liverpool. £5m. You do the math(s). And with the Bolton centre-half Gary Cahill wanted by a number of clubs with bigger wads to wave than Kenny Dalglish, the Liverpool manager has earmarked the PSG defender Mamadou Sakho as his Plan B, but not in a hip-hop artist-turned-soul crooner way. Perhaps out of pity, Liverpool may also provide a retirement home for their one-time superstar Michael Owen, who's certain to leave Manchester United this season. And if you've tittle-tattle linking Newcastle full-back José Enrique with Liverpool, banish it from your mind: Alan Pardew insists he's going nowhere.
He's going somewhere, isn't he?
Depending on which newspaper you read, when Carlo Ancelotti leaves Stamford Bridge to go and manage Roma this summer, he'll be replaced by Guus Hiddink (Daily Mail), a "dream team" composed of José Mourinho and Guus Hiddink (Mirror), Marco van Basten (the S**) or Frank Rijkaard (Star).
And finally, Fulham are "in the hunt" for Espanyol striker Pablo Osvaldo, while West Ham are "watching" Sporting Lisbon striker Yannick Djalo ... but not in a sinister attic-dwelling-peering-through-holes-they've-drilled-in-his-ceiling way.
