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Nicknames for players only you use

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In answer to Silver Sean, I do this all the time. And it lasts forever. Allen is Foster and Allen, Joe cole is Mongy Joe (another of my inventions) Downing is Superstu weeee, Salif Keita is The Rza etc
Im incredibly resilient and rarely forget.
Like when someone says 'No problem' I always always say 'Snip snip' always have. Dont even remember why anymore. Its like the same way I always say Mr Rodgers now even with pals, and always used to type 'Dave' when addressing 'Dave'.
Its these little things in life that make me the unique and brilliant asshole that I am.
 
Van Persie - Van Herschel
Shelvey - Shelley
Bale - Balebalebalebalebalebale
Xabi - Godlonso
Suso - Suse
Carroll - Caroline
Ashley Young - Gashley
Adebayor - Had-a-buy-yor
Modric - Modbitch
Rues - Rolls
Błaszczykowski - Buys a coffee
Ineista - In his fiesta
AVB - Have a cough
Benzema - Bens ya marr
Sergio Busquets - Serving ya biscuits
Rio Ferdinand - Turd in hand
Lloris - Slow Loris
Suarez - Buck

I have loads and have no idea where they come from, I just dont like saying normal footballers names I guess.
 
Van Persie - Van Herschel
Shelvey - Shelley
Bale - Balebalebalebalebalebale
Xabi - Godlonso
Suso - Suse
Carroll - Caroline
Ashley Young - Gashley
Adebayor - Had-a-buy-yor
Modric - Modbitch
Rues - Rolls
Błaszczykowski - Buys a coffee
Ineista - In his fiesta
AVB - Have a cough
Benzema - Bens ya marr
Sergio Busquets - Serving ya biscuits
Rio Ferdinand - Turd in hand
Lloris - Slow Loris
Suarez - Buck

I have loads and have no idea where they come from, I just dont like saying normal footballers names I guess.
 
Oh I forgot, my pal Waheed is an Arsenal fan and he calls Laurent Koscielny - Cousin Lenny.

And I have called him Cousin Lenny ever since. I like that one a lot. It makes me happy saying it.
 
Herr Onceared said:
In answer to Silver Sean, I do this all the time. And it lasts forever. Allen is Foster and Allen, Joe cole is Mongy Joe (another of my inventions) Downing is Superstu weeee, Salif Keita is The Rza etc
Im incredibly resilient and rarely forget.
Like when someone says 'No problem' I always always say 'Snip snip' always have. Dont even remember why anymore. Its like the same way I always say Mr Rodgers now even with pals, and always used to type 'Dave' when addressing 'Dave'.
Its these little things in life that make me the unique and brilliant asshole that I am.
Click to expand...

Foster and Allen seals it for me.
 
Herr Onceared said:
Mystic............
Im lost for words.
Those are really really bad.
Click to expand...

I know right, they're absolutely horrendous, I dont exactly think them up, I just say them and it sticks. I have no idea where they come from, I think Van Herschel came about because I was watching the walking dead when he had his wonder season maybe, but yeh, they're shite, it makes me laugh how shit they are at times, aren't I so ironic.
 
Raping van Herpes
Ferdinandrolone
Dimitard Permatoss
Twat le Missier
Tony Pubeless
Mucas
Wristiano
Downing Syndrome
Jack Wheelchair
Fabregash
Rafadyce
Van knee still sore
Rsol Crapbell
 
Herr Onceared said:
Oh I forgot, my pal Waheed is an Arsenal fan and he calls Laurent Koscielny - Cousin Lenny.

And I have called him Cousin Lenny ever since. I like that one a lot. It makes me happy saying it.
Click to expand...

Do you call your pal Weehead?

I know I would
 
Silver Sean said:
Whenever these people appear/appeared on screen I say this, without fail. My wife loves it.
Pulis = window licker
Andy Johnson = penis head
Moyes = golem
Van Nistelroy = * neigh like a horse
Stam = *sings the Stam/Grafton song
Bale = monkey noise (have to be very careful with this one)
Rooney = Shrek
Hodgson = Prick
Mancini = egoman

Anyone else?
Click to expand...
Nutter

PS: only do your bale one if both teams are 100% white.
 
I invented 'The Dirkilizer'.

I *think* I'm the only person that sings (to the tune of 'Rio' by Duran Duran)..

His name is Rio and he looks like Jar-Jar Binks.

That should really catch on.

I also call Anton Ferdinand, Jar-Jar Junior.

Fergie - Fanny Cheeks
 
Lorent Koscielney - Cockelney
Nikicia Jelevic - Jellyfish
Victor Anichebe - Anchovii's *SP
Cesc Fabregas - Cecil cut the grass
Andrei Arshavin - Arseshaver
Eden Hazard - Eddie Izzard
Van Persie - Van Herpies like Woland just without the raping in front but will use that now aswell haha
Rooney - Granny Shagger
Steven Pienaar - Peanuts
Tony Hibbert - Sherbert
Frank Lampard - Fat Frank
Sylvain Distain - Dustbin
 
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