In depth statistical analysis...

[Molbystwin]

Good morning all wherever you may be,

I just thought seeing as my Grade 6 double science class has been taken by the maths department leaving me with an unexpected hour or so...

So as to countermand the myth that teachers have an easy life I have been studying the Premier league table and have been able to glean some rather interesting insights which at first sight might not be apparent to the layman.

As you are aware in the current EPL set-up there are 3 points awarded for a win, 1 for a draw and 0 for a defeat. Teams level on points are then separated via goal difference and goals scored etc etc etc...

So by my calculations ladies and gents... a closer look at the table will reveal a highly interesting development:

1. Chelsea W2 D1 L0 GF4 GA1 pts 7
2. THE MIGHTY REDS W2 D0 L0 GF2 GA 0 pts 6
3. Spurs W2 D0 L0 GF2 GA0 pts 6
4 Manure W1 D1 L0 GF4 GA1 pts 4

Some may argue it is somewhat premature to study such a nascent table but then some people are just dizzy soulless fools who lack genuine depth of understanding of all but the simplest of scenarios.

Especially when we consider this weekends fixtures:

Arsenal vs Spurs
Liverpool vs United

Note these fixtures. If one were to take into account the possibility of our beating the living fuck out of United this weekend, giving them a proper "lesson" or a "doo-ing" so to speak, such a victory would in fact (be careful what you write you jinx-monger twats) leave us sitting proudly atop the league and clearly superior in every department to all below us. I'm sure you agree a thrilling prospect.

Furthermore, as I was just pointing out to a Man U colleague, if it were not for the lucky tradition which dictate that the championship is awarded after game 38 and not game 3 not only would we have qualified for the champions league next season obviating the need to sell our best players and will have in fact ended our title winning drought.

The more mathematically able among us should also be able to discern that this is not the ONLY possible upshot after this weekend however I prefer to talk of likelihoods and realities rather than airy fairy hypothetical like a Spurs or Arsenal victory etc...

So...

Lets do them Manc twats eh...

 

[Molbystwin]

 

[doctor_mac]

I have always hated the Manu fixtures just because the intensity is too great for my fragile constitution. But, we're at home, the season is early and DAVID MOYES IS THE MAN UTD MANAGER. We can definitely do these c8nts.

 

[Frogfish]

Don't worry Binny / Rory - your exhalted postions on 6CM are not under threat.

 

[Buddha]

Cheers for that Molby, though a bit to technical for me.

The last line makes good sense though.

 

[Delinquent]

I'm guessing you save all your patience and serenity for the children?

 

[Molbystwin]

No but.... Fuck em.... Really.... Fucking hate them cunts... I can't believe we was talking bout Chelsea and their strike force and some Mata twat... C'mon you cunts....

 

[Judge Jules]

Are all teachers like you off duty? I ask because I'm a school governor. 😀

 

[Molbystwin]

Are all teachers like you off duty? I ask because I'm a school governor. 😀

I'm not sure if I understand your phrasing Jules.... I'm gonna plump for yes as an answer

its true tho eh... It would be fucking sweeeeeet to beat them buggers and sit up top....

 

[Judge Jules]

I suppose I really meant "Do all teachers swear like troopers when they're off duty?" 😀

And oh yes, it would be magic to turn those over and go top on the strength of it. I think we have a real shot at it too.

 

[Molbystwin]

Aha.... Swearing ... Yeah... No not all teachers. I do swear a fair amount, especially when animated by something like beating them lot...

you are right it is a bad habit...

2-1

have it!!

 

[Judge Jules]

Hey, I've been known to turn the air a little blue myself. Not Everton blue though, you understand. 😉

 

[tombrown]

Good morning all wherever you may be,



1. Chelsea W2 D1 L0 GF4 GA1 pts 7
2. THE MIGHTY REDS W2 D0 L0 GF2 GA 0 pts 6
3. Spurs W2 D0 L0 GF2 GA0 pts 6
4 Manure W1 D1 L0 GF4 GA1 pts 4
...

And if you legitimately extrapolate these trends over 38 matches you end up with

1. THE MIGHTY REDS W38 D0 L0 GF38 GA 0 pts 114 (*)
2. Spurs W36 D0 L2 GF36 GA 2 Pts 108
3. Chelsea W23 D13 L2 GF49 GA15 Pts 82
4. Manure W17 D19 L2 GF72 GA 40 Pts 70

(*) Obviously extrapolated mighty reds first, and so had to account for our 100% win record by adding two losses to each of our rivals

Fair play to Moyes though, a respectable 4th place & top scorers.