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Funny Football Related 'Quotes' thread..

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6TimesaRed

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I thought this would be a good idea for a thread.. So I will start it off..

'Phil Neville says becoming England women's head coach would be the "best job" he could ask for'.

I Bet it is Phil, would a changing room full of hot sweaty woman have anything to do with it?

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"They won't win 8-0, what a stupid question that is."

Netherlands boss Dick Advocaat ahead of World Cup qualification rivals Sweden's crunch match against Luxembourg. Sweden went on to win 8-0, effectively eliminating the
 
Always think it's difficult to beat Keegan's:

48. “They’re the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that.”
47. “The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23.”
46. “You can’t play with a one armed goalkeeper… not at this level.”
45. “The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game.”
44. “He’ll also be very dangerous from set-pieces. That means he'll be a threat from free-kicks and corners in the final third of the field.”
43. "One of his strengths is not heading.”
42. “We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine.”
41. “I’ll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again.”
40. “I know what is around the corner – I just don’t know where the corner is.”
39. “Not many teams will come to Arsenal and get anything, home or away.”
38. “We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.”
37. “Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they're from South America.”
36. “Football’s always easier when you've got the ball.”
35. “They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different.”
34. “We managed to wrong a few rights.”
33. “That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.”
32. “Shaun Wright-Phillips has got a big heart. It's as big as him, which isn't very big, but it's bigger.”
31. “The tide is very much in our court now.”
30. “I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's totally different.”
29. “I’m not disappointed - just disappointed.”
28. “Life wouldn’t be worth living if you could buy confidence because the rich people would have it all and everybody else would… would have to make their own arrangements.”
27. ”He scores most of his goals when he's got the ball."
26. “Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.”
25. “I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the dressing room.”
24. “Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.”
23. ”That would have been a goal if it wasn't saved.”
22. “I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.”
21. “In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.”
20. “He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted.”
19. “Despite his white boots, he has real pace…"
18. “There’s a slight doubt about only one player, and that's Tony Adams, who definitely won't be playing tomorrow.”
17. “The ref was vertically 15 yards away.”
16. “It could be far worse for me if it was easy for me.”
15. “The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.”
14. “You get bunches of players like you do bananas, though that is a bad comparison.”
13. “Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa.”
12. “You’re not just getting international football, you're getting world football.”
11. “Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him.”
10. “Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.”
9. “England can end the millennium as it started – as the greatest football nation in the world.”
8. “I’ve had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.”
7. “I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.”
6. “It’s understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney.”
5. “England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none.”
4. “He’s using his strength. And that is his strength – his strength.”
3. “There’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.”
2. “The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful.”
1. “You can't do better than go away from home and get a draw…”
 
This kind of thread reminds me of the old poster Fox.

He was fabulously, brilliantly stupid. A collossally ignorant fucking moron. So much so, that I often suspected it was all a huge cosmic joke.

I might occasionally dismiss the posts of some of our more regular idiots, but compared to Fox, they are intellectual giants.
 
" I couldn't settle in Italy, it was like living in a foreign country"

Attributed to Ian Rush although he denies ever saying it.
 
“Sandro’s holding his face. You can tell from that it’s a knee injury.”
Dion Dublin

“Cardiff’s owner is a billionaire. He’s worth about £850million.
George Hamilton

“It’s one of them days when you just say, ‘It’s one of them days’.”
Ian Wright

“Referees, like most of us, are human beings.”
Piara Powar

“There’s no such thing as a must-win game, and this is one of them.”
Alan Wright

“Too many of today’s owners have carte blonk.”
Phil Brown

“I think Southampton will finish above teams that are well below them.”
Paul Merson

“Steven Gerrard, obviously, is Steven Gerrard.”
Alvin Martin

“Brendan Rodgers has been singing the praises of Suarez and Sturridge – the SS.”
Alan Brazil

“David Moyes was just staring at me with his eyes. Literally.”
Tony Cascarino

“I’m not prepared to make any comments on the World Cup in Qatar in 1922.”
Roy Hodgson


 
I used to subscribe to "Private Eye" and over the years effectively got it at half price because of the fivers and tenners they paid me for my Colemanballs entries. Here are my favourite football-related ones:

"He's one of those managers you'd give your left leg to play for." [Colin Cooper]

"Once you've had a bull terrier, you'd never want any other dog. I've got two bull terriers, a Rottweiler and a bulldog." [Julian Dicks]

"I think in international football you have to be able to handle the ball." [Glenn Hoddle]

"Poland have absolutely literally torn Azerbaijan to pieces." [Patrick Kinghorn]

"We're not as good as we think we are. We need to go out there and prove that." [Steve McClaren]

"It was a very hot potato at the time. We thought we'd put it to bed, but to have it regurgitated now is pointless." [Steve Coppell]

"He hit that ball kind of running away from himself." [Ian Wright]

"He offers something different to what we haven't got." [Simon Grayson]

But my best ever spot was Jackie Stewart talking about clay pigeon shooting:

"I do think the Europeans have had this attitude that no-one could really impregnate their superiority."
 
My all time favourite:

“It is great for the public here at Sunderland to see us,” said manager Brendan Rodgers. “They must have been wondering what this team everyone is talking about are all about and now they have seen. We were wonderful.

Sunderland had just beaten Swansea 2-0.
 
"Chelsea is a big club with fantastic players, every manager wants to coach a such a big team. But I would never take that job, in respect for my former team at Liverpool, no matter what. For me there is only one club in England, and that's Liverpool."
 
George Hamilton, Irish football commentator.

"And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio." Followed swiftly by: "The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related."

George: “Roy Carsley has it”
Jim: “Lee Carsley, George”
George: “Ah yes, perhaps it’s because his head reminds me of Ray Wilkins”
 
Theo Walcott: 'I think I've been consistent in patches this season'.

Ron Atkinson: '"I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way."

Ron Atkinson: "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat".

Clark Carlisle: "It's an unprecedented precedent".

David Pleat: "A game is not won until it is lost."

John Hollins: "A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave."

Alan Shearer: "One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."

Ronnie Whelan: "He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa."
 
Ian Holloway on Ronaldo:

He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.
” –
 
There are two Alf Ramsay quotes that aren't wrong in themselves but they always make me smile. One is when he arrives with England for a Home International against Scotland. 'Welcome to Scotland, Sir Alf!' says some official there to greet them. Ramsay just looks at him for a few seconds and then says, 'You must be bloody joking!'

And there was a fantastic sign of his deluded belief that his elocution lessons had completely obliterated his working class identity when, during an interview, the bloke said, 'And I believe, Sir Alf, that you come from working class stock?' Visibly wincing at this, Alf puts on an even more fake posh accent and replies, 'Yes...er...Dagenham, I believe'. I just love that 'I believe'. You were born there, you daft twat!
 
  1. Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
    Strachan: "Velocity" (walks off).
  2. I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.
  3. Reporter: "Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?"
    Strachan: "No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah."
  4. "I tried to get the disappointment out of my system by going for a walk. I ended up 17 miles from home and I had to phone my wife, Lesley to come and pick me up."
  5. Reporter: "Gordon, do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?"
    Strachan: "I don't care, I'm Scottish."
  6. Reporter: "Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?"
    Strachan: "You're spot on! You can read me like a book!"
  7. Reporter: "Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?"
    Strachan: "No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said: 'No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless.'"
  8. Reporter: "There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?"
    Strachan: "Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick. Down negative man, down!"
  9. On good friend and former Aberdeen teammate Alex McLeish: "We even competed for the acne cream when we were younger. Obviously, I won that one."
  10. Reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?"
    Strachan: "What areas? Mainly that big green one out there..."
  11. Talking about Wayne Rooney: "It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."
  12. On Eric Cantona's bizarre press conference: "If a Frenchman goes on about seagulls, trawlers and sardines, he’s called a philosopher. I’d just be called a short Scottish bum talking crap."
  13. “Pahars has also caught every virus going except a computer virus and he is probably working on that even now.”
  14. Reporter: "This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?"
    Strachan: "You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there."
  15. Talking about being attacked by a Celtic fan while an Aberdeen player in 1980: "It's always great fun getting attacked. One of the highlights of my career. The fella who beat me up got fined £100 for that but they had a whip-round in the pub and he got £200!"
  16. On his cooking ability: "It's embarrassing, I'm not proud of it. I can't even make myself anything to eat. I had to phone her and she said, 'I've left something to put in the microwave'. An hour later and I'm asking, "Where's the microwave?""
  17. Reporter: "Is that your best start to a season?"
    Strachan: "Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure."
  18. Reporter: "You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?"
    Strachan: "I don't take stupid comments lightly either."
  19. “I have discovered that when you go to Anfield or Old Trafford, it pays not to wear a coloured shirt because everyone can see the stains as the pressure mounts. I always wear a white shirt so nobody sees you sweat.”
  20. On Sir Alex Ferguson while at Aberdeen: "He used to play tapes of Bill Shankly talking. I remember that and a singer he liked. I don't know who it was but it was crap. He played it on the team bus too, and all the boys hated it. Until one night it got chucked away. If he's still wondering who threw that tape off the bus, it was me. So maybe he was right and I'm not to be trusted."
 
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