The China Economic Review is a serious weekly pdf I receive. The prologue is always however a major skit on Chinese politics and events. I thought I'd post it here each week for your entertainment 🙂
It's been a bad week for some of China's hardest-working businesspeople: The shadow bankers. After what was no doubt the most difficult year on record for these usurers, who pride themselves on lending at ultra-high rates to companies on the verge of bankruptcy, 2014 has started with a new set of rules aimed at constraining their activities. CER thinks that shadow bankers should study up on their Freddie Mac and Fannie Mai circa 2007. Just keep making financing structures more and more complicated until its unclear who is financing what, at what cost, for how long. That way, when regulators come asking questions, you can always reply with a smug grin, "I actually don't know what is going on here."
In Guangdong, restaurants that serve fox meat have come under fire for reportedly mixing donkey meat into vulpine sausage. This is set to shake the fox-meat industry through and through. CER recommends these vendors team up with Wal-Mart to get their meats straight. The world's largest retailer was scolded recently for mixing fox meat into their donkey paddies.
Foreign firms are having their share of problems, too. L'Oreal is pulling its Garnier line of hair products from Chinese shelves. CER recommends that the French company add essential fox and donkey oils to the products if it decides to try the brand again in China. Jeep Wranglers have been bursting into flames on Chinese roads, spurring a recall. CER says take those jeeps to Vietnam, where sudden vehicle immolation is commonplace, even expected.
Qualcomm CEO Paul Jacobs says he's still in the dark about a China antitrust probe. CER wonders if that should be read to mean: China is probing him in a dark room.
Microchip makers are sad because China is tightening its control over rare earths, an essential ingredient in many tech products. China supposedly holds about 80% of the product but CER would like to remind manufactures that the term “rare earth” could be a misleading sales ploy designed by the government. In fact, the whole earth is likely composed of earth-like substances – hardly a rare commodity.
The only trouble we can offer a little help with is the graft probe of 36,907 Chinese officials. Because once you're probed, you'll never be the same again (ask Paul Jacobs). However, here's a thought: The officials are in trouble for allegedly making off with about US$906 million. That's only about US$24,500 per person. Seems like a paltry sum to take the blunt end of a China probe for. Maybe they can bargain their way down to a strip search and stiff spanking.
It's been a bad week for some of China's hardest-working businesspeople: The shadow bankers. After what was no doubt the most difficult year on record for these usurers, who pride themselves on lending at ultra-high rates to companies on the verge of bankruptcy, 2014 has started with a new set of rules aimed at constraining their activities. CER thinks that shadow bankers should study up on their Freddie Mac and Fannie Mai circa 2007. Just keep making financing structures more and more complicated until its unclear who is financing what, at what cost, for how long. That way, when regulators come asking questions, you can always reply with a smug grin, "I actually don't know what is going on here."
In Guangdong, restaurants that serve fox meat have come under fire for reportedly mixing donkey meat into vulpine sausage. This is set to shake the fox-meat industry through and through. CER recommends these vendors team up with Wal-Mart to get their meats straight. The world's largest retailer was scolded recently for mixing fox meat into their donkey paddies.
Foreign firms are having their share of problems, too. L'Oreal is pulling its Garnier line of hair products from Chinese shelves. CER recommends that the French company add essential fox and donkey oils to the products if it decides to try the brand again in China. Jeep Wranglers have been bursting into flames on Chinese roads, spurring a recall. CER says take those jeeps to Vietnam, where sudden vehicle immolation is commonplace, even expected.
Qualcomm CEO Paul Jacobs says he's still in the dark about a China antitrust probe. CER wonders if that should be read to mean: China is probing him in a dark room.
Microchip makers are sad because China is tightening its control over rare earths, an essential ingredient in many tech products. China supposedly holds about 80% of the product but CER would like to remind manufactures that the term “rare earth” could be a misleading sales ploy designed by the government. In fact, the whole earth is likely composed of earth-like substances – hardly a rare commodity.
The only trouble we can offer a little help with is the graft probe of 36,907 Chinese officials. Because once you're probed, you'll never be the same again (ask Paul Jacobs). However, here's a thought: The officials are in trouble for allegedly making off with about US$906 million. That's only about US$24,500 per person. Seems like a paltry sum to take the blunt end of a China probe for. Maybe they can bargain their way down to a strip search and stiff spanking.
