Slow Sunday - coffee in hand. Weather app. says "40C, feels like 47C", outside, even the dog refuses to budge from her cool spot, so damned if I'm going out there !
___________
It's rumoured that Wenger's wife left him because of problems in the bedroom, mainly because he was obsessed with winning the Champions League and not giving her his full attention.
When asked by journalists she said "He would try and try and try but in the end he couldn't even get a semi"
before adding "he got close a few years ago, but then things got very Messi"
"I told him he needs to be a little forward. He said he was too old to be a player/manager." she said wryly
"We went for a late dinner one night. After desert I told him I would take care of the check. He told me to stay away from Cech because he had an early kick-off in the morning." she recalled
"I suspected he was having affairs on his trips abroad. He complained that he hadn't kept a clean sheet in Europe in months but he insisted he wasn't scoring" she said bravely
"I finally told him if things don't change then I would divorce him. He said he would consider the relationship a success because he had built a new house in the time we were married" she sighed
"also, his balls are very wrinkly, he is 65 after all" she added unexpectedly and unnecessarily at the end.
And the Lord said unto Arsene, "Come forth and receive eternal life." And so he did...
Per Mertesacker walks into a sperm donor bank in London... "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist. "Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?". "Yes" replies Per "you should have my details on your computer". "Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?" "Why do I need help?" asks Per. The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Arsenal at the top of the league is like an elephant at the top of a tree, nobody knows how it got there but it's sure as hell gonna drop soon enough
At first I was annoyed that Arsene Wenger was butting in on the debate around whether the UK should stay in or leave the European Union, but then I realised that he knows more about leaving Europe than anyone.
If Mesut Ozil's eyes were any further apart he'd be a herbivore.
To be fair, his fiscal responsibility is a blessing to Arsenal fans. Knowing they can book a holiday at the end of every May must save them a fortune.
Giroud and Mertesacker ran a 100 meters dash last season, we are still waiting to see who can finish faster. This isn't true actually. Mertesacker set his PB for the 100 metres earlier this year.
It was 60 metres.
This Halloween I'm going to dress up as a Champions League trophy and scare Arsenal fans.
Arsenal is like a tv series always ending on a cliff hanger, "let's see what happens next season."
Since Arsenal last won the league, Leicester was in the Premier League, was relegated to Championship, relegated to League One, promoted to Championship, promoted to the Premier League, and won the league. In that same time period, Jamie Vardy went all the way from playing for Stocksbridge Park Steels to playing for England.
Can't wait to get my exclusive Jack Wilshere Nike Crutches (TM). The wheelchair is too expensive.
___________
It's rumoured that Wenger's wife left him because of problems in the bedroom, mainly because he was obsessed with winning the Champions League and not giving her his full attention.
When asked by journalists she said "He would try and try and try but in the end he couldn't even get a semi"
before adding "he got close a few years ago, but then things got very Messi"
"I told him he needs to be a little forward. He said he was too old to be a player/manager." she said wryly
"We went for a late dinner one night. After desert I told him I would take care of the check. He told me to stay away from Cech because he had an early kick-off in the morning." she recalled
"I suspected he was having affairs on his trips abroad. He complained that he hadn't kept a clean sheet in Europe in months but he insisted he wasn't scoring" she said bravely
"I finally told him if things don't change then I would divorce him. He said he would consider the relationship a success because he had built a new house in the time we were married" she sighed
"also, his balls are very wrinkly, he is 65 after all" she added unexpectedly and unnecessarily at the end.
And the Lord said unto Arsene, "Come forth and receive eternal life." And so he did...
Per Mertesacker walks into a sperm donor bank in London... "I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist. "Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?". "Yes" replies Per "you should have my details on your computer". "Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?" "Why do I need help?" asks Per. The receptionist replies "Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Arsenal at the top of the league is like an elephant at the top of a tree, nobody knows how it got there but it's sure as hell gonna drop soon enough
At first I was annoyed that Arsene Wenger was butting in on the debate around whether the UK should stay in or leave the European Union, but then I realised that he knows more about leaving Europe than anyone.
If Mesut Ozil's eyes were any further apart he'd be a herbivore.
To be fair, his fiscal responsibility is a blessing to Arsenal fans. Knowing they can book a holiday at the end of every May must save them a fortune.
Giroud and Mertesacker ran a 100 meters dash last season, we are still waiting to see who can finish faster. This isn't true actually. Mertesacker set his PB for the 100 metres earlier this year.
It was 60 metres.
This Halloween I'm going to dress up as a Champions League trophy and scare Arsenal fans.
Arsenal is like a tv series always ending on a cliff hanger, "let's see what happens next season."
Since Arsenal last won the league, Leicester was in the Premier League, was relegated to Championship, relegated to League One, promoted to Championship, promoted to the Premier League, and won the league. In that same time period, Jamie Vardy went all the way from playing for Stocksbridge Park Steels to playing for England.
Can't wait to get my exclusive Jack Wilshere Nike Crutches (TM). The wheelchair is too expensive.
