This Manc pops his clogs and rocks up to the pearly gates. St.Peter takes his name, looks it up in his book and says to the guy: "Not much beside your name, is there? Why should we let you in?"
"I always helped old ladies cross the road."
"So I should hope. That's not going to get you into Heaven, mate."
"Once on holiday I saved a little girl from drowning in the sea."
"I suppose that's more like it, but even that's ten-a-penny in here, and besides we're getting short of space. You'll have to do better than that."
"OK, well, I did something really brave. My lot are playing at Anfield, I go on the Kop and shout: 'Alex Ferguson's red ar-MEE!'."
"Now that *was* brave. When was that then?"
"About two seconds ago."