Man of the season
"Listen, gentlemen. I accepted having this press conference with you. If you have questions, ask for the microphone. We are not in a bazaar. We are in the Fifa house."
Sepp's season in full: S&D special review
Runner-up
Ramzan Kadyrov: Chechen human rights tsar, hiring the football family to lift his image. "In Europe they write that Kadyrov is bad … this will change views." • Among Kadyrov's guests: Ruud Gullit: "I am not here for the politics. I am here for the sport"; Steve McManaman: "It's not about propaganda: we're just here for football"; plus Robbie Fowler, via Twitter: "If I was into politics I wouldn't of become a footballer... End of."
Best moral compass
Silvio Berlusconi: attacking "communists" in April for putting him through three fraud trials and one for underage bunga-bunga issues – plus ruling out a Milan bid for Mario Balotelli. "There is a Milan code of behaviour. I don't think he shares it."
Best Big Society moment
• £65m: School sport budget, cut by 87%.
• £100m: tax avoided every year by Premier League players, says HMRC.
Best crusader
Karren Brady on Richard Keys in January: "This is not about wanting an apology for me, but about an apology for all women. He represents views that myself and those who work in football find totally dinosaur." (£750m: combined wealth of Brady's West Ham bosses, thanks in part to Butt Babes.)
Most resolute
Milan Mandaric, September, 24 hours before sacking Paulo Sousa at Leicester: "We can't turn things upside down now, for goodness sake. Now's the time to unite behind our manager, not to listen to the media. It is as simple as that."
Best man manager
Maurizio Zamparini, owner of Palermo – sacking coach Delio Rossi in February for "having no balls" and replacing him with Serse Cosmi, "a real man, a man of grit". April: Sacks Cosmi for "fundamental weakness", reappoints Rossi. May: Says Rossi is "like my wife. I want him all for myself". June: Rossi leaves by "mutual consent".
Best rebuttal
Montpellier owner Louis Nicollin in November, on critics who said his team were only top because it's a weak league. "I piss in their arse cracks. That's a good answer, don't you think? It's all scandalous talk." Colleagues said criticism of Nicollin, who has form for "gross homophobia", is misguided: "He's just a good-time guy."
Journalists: idiots
Uruguayan keeper Luis de Agustini, who had two spells playing at Tripoli's Al Ittihad with Colonel Gaddafi's son Al-Saadi, addressing the Libya crisis in February: "Gaddafi's a great bloke. The media only show the bad things. I used to go round his house. His son's a super simple guy. All the Gaddafis are very down to earth."
Best club lover
Eddie Howe, Bournemouth, 11 Jan: "I'm not going to lie, I did come close [to joining Palace]. We thought long and hard – but it would have been very difficult to leave these fantastic supporters. I'm delighted to stay. There's a good feeling in this town – it's a joy to be here." 16 Jan: Joins Burnley.
Saddest exit
Brazil: Corinthians fans targeting Ronaldo in February after their defeat in the Copa Libertadores. Fans painted slogans at the training ground, including: "Ronaldo is a shameless fatty" plus "Media tart – you disappoint us again". Ronaldo: "We failed."
God news
December, David Luiz, Benfica: "If it was about money I would not still be at Benfica. I love this club and would ignore the chance to leave in January, next summer or in 2015. The rumours in the English papers are nothing to do with me. My future is in the hands of God." January: Joins Chelsea; £70k a week.
Best apology
Brazil: Botafogo striker Somalia, sorry for pretending he'd been kidnapped as an excuse for missing training in January. CCTV later showed he was at home "recovering from a massive party". "I say sorry to the police and the fans. What a mistake this was."
Best discipline
China: Guangzhou Hengda fining Brazilian midfielder Renato Adriano Jacó Morais £40,000 in April for failing to shake hands with his coach or applaud fans after being subbed. "He will now train with the reserves."
Gigi's highlights
Romania: Steaua owner Gigi Becali attacking Rapid Bucharest president Dinu Gheorghe in April as "a filthy jerk. A fat bum. I'm sick of this Gypsy: I'll force him back up his mother"; and issuing a series of frank apologies at Easter to those he insulted this season – rival owners, gay men ("It's their disease, not mine"😉 and fans. Gigi said his purge made him feel "reborn". "And it will make Satan crazy. He hates it when a soul gets cleaner."
Best defence
Argentina: Alejandro Aguirre, president of Juventud Católica, on why his players were "the true victims" after they beat a referee unconscious in March: "We're sick of being victims of prejudice. Our players are young lads. The officials provoke them."
Plus: safest prediction
August 2010: Larissa Riquelme on her plans after a strong World Cup. "I once made love in a river. It was at night, I was just in the river talking to a man so one thing led to another. But this season I shall only make love in football contexts. You know, this could be my year."
"Listen, gentlemen. I accepted having this press conference with you. If you have questions, ask for the microphone. We are not in a bazaar. We are in the Fifa house."
Sepp's season in full: S&D special review
Runner-up
Ramzan Kadyrov: Chechen human rights tsar, hiring the football family to lift his image. "In Europe they write that Kadyrov is bad … this will change views." • Among Kadyrov's guests: Ruud Gullit: "I am not here for the politics. I am here for the sport"; Steve McManaman: "It's not about propaganda: we're just here for football"; plus Robbie Fowler, via Twitter: "If I was into politics I wouldn't of become a footballer... End of."
Best moral compass
Silvio Berlusconi: attacking "communists" in April for putting him through three fraud trials and one for underage bunga-bunga issues – plus ruling out a Milan bid for Mario Balotelli. "There is a Milan code of behaviour. I don't think he shares it."
Best Big Society moment
• £65m: School sport budget, cut by 87%.
• £100m: tax avoided every year by Premier League players, says HMRC.
Best crusader
Karren Brady on Richard Keys in January: "This is not about wanting an apology for me, but about an apology for all women. He represents views that myself and those who work in football find totally dinosaur." (£750m: combined wealth of Brady's West Ham bosses, thanks in part to Butt Babes.)
Most resolute
Milan Mandaric, September, 24 hours before sacking Paulo Sousa at Leicester: "We can't turn things upside down now, for goodness sake. Now's the time to unite behind our manager, not to listen to the media. It is as simple as that."
Best man manager
Maurizio Zamparini, owner of Palermo – sacking coach Delio Rossi in February for "having no balls" and replacing him with Serse Cosmi, "a real man, a man of grit". April: Sacks Cosmi for "fundamental weakness", reappoints Rossi. May: Says Rossi is "like my wife. I want him all for myself". June: Rossi leaves by "mutual consent".
Best rebuttal
Montpellier owner Louis Nicollin in November, on critics who said his team were only top because it's a weak league. "I piss in their arse cracks. That's a good answer, don't you think? It's all scandalous talk." Colleagues said criticism of Nicollin, who has form for "gross homophobia", is misguided: "He's just a good-time guy."
Journalists: idiots
Uruguayan keeper Luis de Agustini, who had two spells playing at Tripoli's Al Ittihad with Colonel Gaddafi's son Al-Saadi, addressing the Libya crisis in February: "Gaddafi's a great bloke. The media only show the bad things. I used to go round his house. His son's a super simple guy. All the Gaddafis are very down to earth."
Best club lover
Eddie Howe, Bournemouth, 11 Jan: "I'm not going to lie, I did come close [to joining Palace]. We thought long and hard – but it would have been very difficult to leave these fantastic supporters. I'm delighted to stay. There's a good feeling in this town – it's a joy to be here." 16 Jan: Joins Burnley.
Saddest exit
Brazil: Corinthians fans targeting Ronaldo in February after their defeat in the Copa Libertadores. Fans painted slogans at the training ground, including: "Ronaldo is a shameless fatty" plus "Media tart – you disappoint us again". Ronaldo: "We failed."
God news
December, David Luiz, Benfica: "If it was about money I would not still be at Benfica. I love this club and would ignore the chance to leave in January, next summer or in 2015. The rumours in the English papers are nothing to do with me. My future is in the hands of God." January: Joins Chelsea; £70k a week.
Best apology
Brazil: Botafogo striker Somalia, sorry for pretending he'd been kidnapped as an excuse for missing training in January. CCTV later showed he was at home "recovering from a massive party". "I say sorry to the police and the fans. What a mistake this was."
Best discipline
China: Guangzhou Hengda fining Brazilian midfielder Renato Adriano Jacó Morais £40,000 in April for failing to shake hands with his coach or applaud fans after being subbed. "He will now train with the reserves."
Gigi's highlights
Romania: Steaua owner Gigi Becali attacking Rapid Bucharest president Dinu Gheorghe in April as "a filthy jerk. A fat bum. I'm sick of this Gypsy: I'll force him back up his mother"; and issuing a series of frank apologies at Easter to those he insulted this season – rival owners, gay men ("It's their disease, not mine"😉 and fans. Gigi said his purge made him feel "reborn". "And it will make Satan crazy. He hates it when a soul gets cleaner."
Best defence
Argentina: Alejandro Aguirre, president of Juventud Católica, on why his players were "the true victims" after they beat a referee unconscious in March: "We're sick of being victims of prejudice. Our players are young lads. The officials provoke them."
Plus: safest prediction
August 2010: Larissa Riquelme on her plans after a strong World Cup. "I once made love in a river. It was at night, I was just in the river talking to a man so one thing led to another. But this season I shall only make love in football contexts. You know, this could be my year."
