Heskey Turns Back on Civilisation

[gkmacca]

Former England striker Emile Heskey has signed for the Newcastle Jets in Australia's A-League.

Reliable: Emile Heskey will see out his career in Australia Photo: PA

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By Telegraph Sport​

7:53AM BST 21 Sep 2012​

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Comment

The former Aston Villa and Liverpool striker's signing was confirmed by Newcastle after the 34 year-old signed a deal for the 2012-2013 season which begins next month.​

Capped 62 times by England, Heskey scored 110 goals in 516 games in the Premier League during a 17-year career in England.​

Newcastle chief executive Robbie Middleby said: "Emile has played our game [ED: "Our"?? Shurely shome mishtake] at the highest level in England, both internationally and domestically, and he finished last season playing with Aston Villa in the English Premier League.​

"We are aware that Emile had other offers but he is genuinely excited to be a part of what we want to achieve at the Jets [Translation: No one else wants him and he's so desperate he's gone to Hoppy Hoppy Land].​

"Emile's relationship with former English Premier League players Michael Bridges and Robbie Fowler assisted him in understanding what the A-League has to offer." [They couldn't stop laughing.]​

Newcastle coach Gary van Egmond added: "His effectiveness in being able to hold the ball up and invite other players to play off him is going to be a big benefit to us. ​

"He's someone who can really lead the line and is exactly what we've been missing." [viz. someone without a pouch]​

Heskey said: "This is an exciting new period in my life and I am looking forward to making a special contribution to the A-League and most importantly to the Jets. [Help me, I'm suicidal]​

"I hope I can help grow football at the grassroots level and also provide advice to young players at the Jets."​

Heskey was part of the Liverpool team which won the FA Cup, League Cup and UEFA Cup in the 2000-2001 season and appeared in two World Cups for England.​

 

[hmmmmm1]

Is the Aussie league better than the MLS.?

 

[gkmacca]

Is a dog turd better than a cat turd?

 

[Brizzle]

They are just different locations for retirement homes, probably a similar level. Neither league has any decent players in their prime which I think says it all. They are both slowly building up their reputation though, but they are in countries where football is way down on the list of popularity.

 

[Modo]

Is a dog turd better than a cat turd?

Yes. Cat turds have mind altering parasites in them.

 

[gkmacca]

Yes. Cat turds have mind altering parasites in them.

You're making them sound exotic. I may set up a stall.

 

[Silver Sean]

Used to go see the (now extinct) Northern Spirit when I lived in Sydney in late 90s. They had Robbie Slater as their marquee player. Was a very enjoyable Friday evening in a warm North Sydney Oval. $10 in, beer and BBQ, got around 18 thousand in when Perth Glory, Marconi or Sydney United came along.
I think a conference or league 2 team could make a good fist of it in their top league.

 

[Modo]

You're making them sound exotic. I may set up a stall.

That sounds pretty heinous.

 

[gkmacca]

If people want meow meow, they'll want mind-altering cat shit.

 

[Brizzle]

Used to go see the (now extinct) Northern Spirit when I lived in Sydney in late 90s. They had Robbie Slater as their marquee player. Was a very enjoyable Friday evening in a warm North Sydney Oval. $10 in, beer and BBQ, got around 18 thousand in when Perth Glory, Marconi or Sydney United came along.
I think a conference or league 2 team could make a good fist of it in their top league.

Sounds ideal, but obviously doesn't have quite the swing of Cricket, Union, League or Rules over there though.

 

[Rouge Penguin]

Sounds ideal, but obviously doesn't have quite the swing of Cricket, Union, League or Rules over there though.

But you cant swing Cricket, Union, League or Rules in a room.

 

[Ryan]

I thought he was moving back to Liverpool when I saw the title.

 

[Vlads Quiff]

Ryan can't help yet another pop at Liverpool shocka!
Why do you hate the place so much Ryan?

regards

 

[Ryan]

Yet the Australia jibe is fine Vlad?

 

[FoxForceFive]

Yeah, tbf vlad, there were multiple digs at oz there & a few of our posters live there & were born there.

It's only fair he can have a dig back, I think in this instance you're referring to previous comments which is unfair imo.

 

[Vlads Quiff]

WTF , that's fucking Australia, he could have said he's going to Manchester or Newcastle , Sunderland, Boro' etc.
Call me thin skinned if you like but he never misses a fucking opportunity to have a dig at Liverpool and Scousers in general, I gave up pulling him up on it years ago, and have ignored it of late.
You fucking know it Ryan.
I really don't know why you support the club you do , you rarely have anything good to say about it, and make snide comments about most of the people at the club, and most other things connected.
Somone tell me I am wrong........

regards

 

[Ryan]

You're wrong.

 

[goodspam]

They are just different locations for retirement homes, probably a similar level. Neither league has any decent players in their prime which I think says it all. They are both slowly building up their reputation though, but they are in countries where football is way down on the list of popularity.

Here are the results of a recent ESPN poll:

 

[LeTallecWiz]

It's been that way since 1994 mate ... until the MLS can pay like the other sports, the popularity will be meaningless (in 30-40 years when the demographics shift even more, it may start making more of a difference though)

 

[Farkmaster]

It's changed a lot though. When we first moved here, I wasn't able to watch anything. Now every single game is on if you are willing to pay out the ass, and ESPN is even carrying some. A lot of Americans watch the Champions League, and that didn't use to be on at all. The ratings for it are excellent, and demolish anything else in their weird time spots, making them useful to networks.

In terms of the popularity of the sport recreationally, that's as it always was, immensely popular at the youth level, especially in certain areas.

 

[Silver Sean]

WTF , that's fucking Australia, he could have said he's going to Manchester or Newcastle , Sunderland, Boro' etc.
Call me thin skinned if you like but he never misses a fucking opportunity to have a dig at Liverpool and Scousers in general, I gave up pulling him up on it years ago, and have ignored it of late.
You fucking know it Ryan.
I really don't know why you support the club you do , you rarely have anything good to say about it, and make snide comments about most of the people at the club, and most other things connected.
Somone tell me I am wrong........

regards

Agreed.

 

[Silver Sean]

Sounds ideal, but obviously doesn't have quite the swing of Cricket, Union, League or Rules over there though.

No it doesn't. Closest thing to how we view football here would be Rugby League there. The way it's presented etc.
As for Aussie rules, I went to a Sydney Swans v Essendon Bombers match with an Aussie mate who was fanatical. Worst sport I've ever witnessed. Utterly awful.

 

[SaintGeorge67]

WTF , that's fucking Australia, he could have said he's going to Manchester or Newcastle , Sunderland, Boro' etc.
Call me thin skinned if you like but he never misses a fucking opportunity to have a dig at Liverpool and Scousers in general, I gave up pulling him up on it years ago, and have ignored it of late.
You fucking know it Ryan.
I really don't know why you support the club you do , you rarely have anything good to say about it, and make snide comments about most of the people at the club, and most other things connected.
Somone tell me I am wrong........

regards

It certainly seems that way

 

[Rael]

WTF , that's fucking Australia, he could have said he's going to Manchester or Newcastle , Sunderland, Boro' etc.
Call me thin skinned if you like but he never misses a fucking opportunity to have a dig at Liverpool and Scousers in general, I gave up pulling him up on it years ago, and have ignored it of late.
You fucking know it Ryan.
I really don't know why you support the club you do , you rarely have anything good to say about it, and make snide comments about most of the people at the club, and most other things connected.
Somone tell me I am wrong........

regards

I don't know about this Ryan's previous digs about Liverpool the city but you are not wrong Vlads Quiff, why pick on Liverpool when the jibe (and apart from the thread title which seems nothing more than a light hearted joke, any 'multiple digs' have been aimed at the standard of the football in Australia, not the country itself).

 

[StevieM]

Well he's hardly turning holdback on civilization is he?

In sure Emily will have a whale of a time chilling out in the Hunter Valley, going for relaxing strolls along the beach or watching all the big boats go in and out of the Harbour.

He has spent the last few years in Wigan & Birmingham - in sure he'll love it, along with his new mate living down the road, Allesandro.

 

[RedZeppelin III]

As for Aussie rules, I went to a Sydney Swans v Essendon Bombers match with an Aussie mate who was fanatical. Worst sport I've ever witnessed. Utterly awful.

and yet Aussie rules still has so many of the attributes that people moan are no longer in football . There's very few egos , on the pitch at least , it doesn't matter who you are or what position you play , you have to put a proper shift in and give your all , it's all about hard work . It's tough but fair , there's very little cheating or poncy antics . And there's a high level of respect in the game , between all groups - the players, refs , fans etc . And you can actually relate to the players , most are just hard working down to earth guys .When they give interviews they're generally open and honest , they're a world away from the simpleton media trained footballers we have nowadays .

 

[RedZeppelin III]

As for the A-League and MLS , well yeah of course they're a lower standard as they obviously don't have the history or money . But they're trying to spread the sport we love so i hope they do well . So , they might only be able to attract stars who are past their prime but it's better than nothing and still raises the profile massively .Kids can see players they previously didn't have the chance to .

 

[StevieM]

and yet Aussie rules still has so many of the attributes that people moan are no longer in football . There's very few egos , on the pitch at least , it doesn't matter who you are or what position you play , you have to put a proper shift in and give your all , it's all about hard work . It's tough but fair , there's very little cheating or poncy antics . And there's a high level of respect in the game , between all groups - the players, refs , fans etc . And you can actually relate to the players , most are just hard working down to earth guys .When they give interviews they're generally open and honest , they're a world away from the simpleton media trained footballers we have nowadays .

That's utter bollocks by the way.

AFL players are, in general, the same as any top sportsmen in most countries - a pack of over indulged, up-their-own-arse, half wits, with more money than sense.

The fans are a pack of pricks as well. They don't go around stabbing people, but there are plenty of ferals, and they are so one-eyed about the sport, particularly in Melbourne it's obnoxious.

Now I'm off to prepare for an onslaught from Hawthorn & Adelaide fans at work. Fun.

 

[RedZeppelin III]

fair enough , enjoy your evening then .

 

[Ryan]

I've got nothing against Liverpool at all. I don't really care if you believe me or not either.

I do enjoy winding half you spastics up though about your precious fucking city. It astounds me that it works every fucking time too. Like seriously - every, fucking, time.