Andy Townsend - Massive C*nt

[moron]

Please discuss further. Just listening to him commentate on England just makes me mad. Fucks sake he use to play for Ireland and he is commentating on England - and just cannot help himself putting down Raheem at every chance. Sometimes - I really don't think he is watching the same game I am seeing on TV. Also when he talks he just reminds me of a London team - can be anyone of them but he just reminds me of a cunt who supports either Arsenal, or Chelsea.

Why can't ITV find someone better ?

 

[mom]

Ignore him.

 

[gkmacca]

Well, a few seemed to think he was a model of balance and cool insight, but I agree with you, he joined in with Tiddley in hyping the lad up and then overreacted every time something failed to come off. And when the reason for it not coming off was often down to a poor pass to him, or a lack of options when he had the ball, it was just silly. I recall maybe three errors he made, but the way Townsend was moaning you'd think he'd had a stinker of a game. Sadly, and rather ominously, it was the same for John Barnes.

 

[tombrown]

Well, a few seemed to think he was a model of balance and cool insight, but I agree with you, he joined in with Tiddley in hyping the lad up and then overreacted every time something failed to come off. And when the reason for it not coming off was often down to a poor pass to him, or a lack of options when he had the ball, it was just silly. I recall maybe three errors he made, but the way Townsend was moaning you'd think he'd had a stinker of a game. Sadly, and rather ominously, it was the same for John Barnes.

Which meant we got the best out of Barnes, while Engurland were left scratching collective heads.

 

[gkmacca]

Yes, that showed them!

 

[white-sox]

Townsend does have an unusually large head.....

 

[redhorizon2]

Please discuss further. Just listening to him commentate on England just makes me mad. Fucks sake he use to play for Ireland and he is commentating on England - and just cannot help himself putting down Raheem at every chance. Sometimes - I really don't think he is watching the same game I am seeing on TV. Also when he talks he just reminds me of a London team - can be anyone of them but he just reminds me of a cunt who supports either Arsenal, or Chelsea.

Why can't ITV find someone better ?

He could never play for England as he would never get selected. Anyways, most of ITV commentators are boring as Fuck! If I was an ITV sports chief I would hire Harry Redknapp to replace Andy Townsend.

 

[gkmacca]

He epitomises the dumbed-down nature of ITV's coverage. From the lazy opening music - the Bittersweet Symphony/The Last Time riff that they've been using now for over a decade because someone forgot the channel policy to change it for every new tournament - to Adrian Chiles' last self-consciously inane chunterings to camera, it's one long and remorseless brain insult, and the fake Irishman Townsend's repeated vocal vomits of the bleeding obvious are the aural diced carrots on the narrative pavement. Results are good if they're wins or draws rather than defeats, all shots have got to make the keeper work, all goals are definitely onside until he watches the replays, mistakes are always purely individual regardless of how bad the passes were or the movement around a player, and goalscorers 'will be happy with that' as they celebrate the ball hitting the back of the net. The only reason I'd probably refrain from slamming his head over and over again with a heavy van door is because I wouldn't want to needlessly damage the door. He's the unflushable turd in the toilet bowl of broadcasting.

 

[Red Astaire]

Back in 2007 at ITV HQ I remember attending a group meeting where the issue of football coverage and ratings were discussed. They had just won the rights to the FA Cup but were baffled as to why they could not achieve the same ratings as the BBC. A mate of mine pointed out that the commentators were bloody awful and the pundits were shit. Ha ha! Literally everyone (including the bosses) laughed. They all knew it was true as well. Someone then said - Why not just pay Hansen twice what he's on at BBC and problem solved. The boss guy said - That is what we did with Lynam and look at how that worked out. Which I suppose was a fair point.

What they all failed to grasp is that commercial TV and ITV in particular is such a blatant commercial whore that it just out right puts viewers off. It's lazy and cheap looking because they make more money from doing it that way.

 

[Fox]

He is about as Irish as me and I've never been there.

He is a fucking Londoner

Stupid commentary last night

 

[gkmacca]

It's sadly symptomatic of the FA's inability to cope with that horribly uncontrollable thing called real life. They removed the rights to England internationals from the BBC mainly because they resented the fact that Lineker had reacted to poor performances by acknowledging that they were poor. So now they have ITV acting like a 12 year old Engerlund fan, covering every match with an infantile Us versus Them mentality, full of sneers about all of those dirty cheating foreigners. It's like UKIP TV. Ghastly.

 

[Best Believe It]

Back in 2007 at ITV HQ I remember attending a group meeting where the issue of football coverage and ratings was discussed. They had just won the rights to the FA Cup but were baffled as to why they could not achieve the same ratings as the BBC. A mate of mine pointed out that the commentators were bloody awful and the pundits were shit. Ha ha! Literally everyone (including the bosses) laughed. They all knew it was true as well. Someone then said - Why not just pay Hansen twice what he's on at BBC and problem solved. The boss guy said - That is what we did with Lynam and look at how that worked out. Which I suppose was a fair point.

What they all failed to grasp is that commercial TV and ITV in particular is such a blatant commercial whore that it just out right puts viewers off. It's lazy and cheap looking because they make more money from doing it that way.

They've settled on this really stupid approach to coverage for ages now - they don't have the 'authority' of the BBC in terms of how long Match of the Day has been running, and they don't have the time and money to throw at football that Sky/BT do. So what they've chosen to do is follow a sort of matey, bloke down the pub approach, trying to appeal to the common man, except that every now and again they knee jerk and do something that conflicts with that. Hiring Roy Keane and Lee Dixon jarred with that policy, but yet they keep Tyldesley and Townsend in the commentary box and Chiles hosting. Then they bring in Ian Wright as well.

What ITV and BT have failed to grasp is there's actually a third way that no-one is committing to (Sky do it with MNF but not consistently throughout their coverage, they're too wedded to sensationalism); getting intelligent, erudite people in to talk about football in a sensible, insightful way.

 

[Red Astaire]

^^^^ This is indeed true. I learnt very quickly at ITV that quality comes a very long way down the list of priorities. At the end of the day it's a business and it's only purpose is to make money which it does by selling ad time to the highest bidder as per demographic. What rankles is that the ITV bods have decided that football is for working class males who like to bet lots and enjoy drinking Coors beer and watching Van Damme movies. To a certain extent they are quite correct however it sucks for the ABC1's (which is the name for the more higher brow intelligent fan) as it's deliberately dumbed down. ITV feel that stupid Andy Townsend appeals to the stupid fan they are targeting. The ads they put on during half time and before and after the game go for millions - They make money. Now if everyone stopped watching and turned off every time Andy stupid Townsend came on it would change but sadly no one does.

 

[FoxForceFive]

The sad thing is that a great deal of footy fans are like that. I know of lads in the early 20s who have been to about 10 matches. They watch their team on tv every week, they watch soccer am & read tabloid stories & articles about their team. They're the type of cunts you see watching the match in a yatesys on a Sunday afternoon if you're ever unlucky enough to have to go there then, shouting 'who are ya' at the screen, calling Mourinho the special one, & repeating inane crap that centres around everything that doesn't matter around the game, who if faced with a conversation about tactics invariably argues that 442 is the only way an English team shoyld play, that fullbacks should only defend.

Then looks all smug when someone scores off a corner, spouting shite like 'if they were man to man marking that wouldn't have happened', 'that's what you get for not having a man on the post that' & understanding absolutely nothing about the game.

As much as I dislike American sports, the one thing I'll give them is that the majority of their fans seem to have a much greater understanding of the actual sport than our footy fans do.

 

[Best Believe It]

I've got the Road to Istanbul DVD which obviously has Tyldesley and Townsend commentating on it; there's a prime stupid Townsend moment when Serginho misses his penalty, and you have the slow motion replay on Serginho's reaction after skying his penalty, accompanied by Townsend saying 'and look - he knows it'. Of course he fucking knows it, he took the pissing penalty.

Plus Townsend is a major user of that irritating phrase "For me".

 

[doctor_mac]

I've got the Road to Istanbul DVD which obviously has Tyldesley and Townsend commentating on it; there's a prime stupid Townsend moment when Serginho misses his penalty, and you have the slow motion replay on Serginho's reaction after skying his penalty, accompanied by Townsend saying 'and look - he knows it'. Of course he fucking knows it, he took the pissing penalty.

Plus Townsend is a major user of that irritating phrase "For me".

Hahaha. Great example.

I do have to say, I think it's wrong to call Townsend a 'massive cunt'. Yes he's a complete fanny, if you get the subtlety of the distinction – one might even say 'a huge twat', since we're in that lexical field, but a cunt, no. "For me", as Townsend might say, he's not a cunt, or if so, only a minor cunt.

 

[themn]

The "In and around" Klaxon was sounded like a mutha fucka during the World Cup.

 

[cloggypop]

They should give Ian Wright his own chat show again. Get Townsend involved as well. I won't be watching it but it would keep them away from the footy.

 

[gkmacca]

Ian Wright calling Hoddle 'gaffer': he played for him 13 times, the last time sixteen years ago.

 

[Red Astaire]

Hahaha. Great example.

I do have to say, I think it's wrong to call Townsend a 'massive cunt'. Yes he's a complete fanny, if you get the subtlety of the distinction – one might even say 'a huge twat', since we're in that lexical field, but a cunt, no. "For me", as Townsend might say, he's not a cunt, or if so, only a minor cunt.

I quite agree - Can we settle on 'He's a massive twat'?

 

[ILD]

Ian Wright calling Hoddle 'gaffer': he played for him 13 times, the last time sixteen years ago.

I watched the inception of that during their WC coverage. Wright used gaffer in his first sentence to Hoddle. He actually ran it by Hoddle first to get the go ahead. "Can I call you gaffer as it's all I know you as?"

 

[Fabio]

I watched the inception of that during their WC coverage. Wright used gaffer in his first sentence to Hoddle. He actually ran it by Hoddle first to get the go ahead. "Can I call you gaffer as it's all I know you as?"

It was fantastically "fuck off Ian" that

 

[Silver Sean]

They've settled on this really stupid approach to coverage for ages now - they don't have the 'authority' of the BBC in terms of how long Match of the Day has been running, and they don't have the time and money to throw at football that Sky/BT do. So what they've chosen to do is follow a sort of matey, bloke down the pub approach, trying to appeal to the common man, except that every now and again they knee jerk and do something that conflicts with that. Hiring Roy Keane and Lee Dixon jarred with that policy, but yet they keep Tyldesley and Townsend in the commentary box and Chiles hosting. Then they bring in Ian Wright as well.

What ITV and BT have failed to grasp is there's actually a third way that no-one is committing to (Sky do it with MNF but not consistently throughout their coverage, they're too wedded to sensationalism); getting intelligent, erudite people in to talk about football in a sensible, insightful way.

I hate the common man.

 

[doctor_mac]

I quite agree - Can we settle on 'He's a massive twat'?

I don't think you can argue against that.

 

[doctor_mac]

I watched the inception of that during their WC coverage. Wright used gaffer in his first sentence to Hoddle. He actually ran it by Hoddle first to get the go ahead. "Can I call you gaffer as it's all I know you as?"

That is fucking vomit inducing!!

 

[Markeh]

I like watching Ian Wright, I find it really entertaining seeing his face when someone else is speaking. It's almost impossible for him to be quiet, sometimes he looks like his head will explode if he doesn't get to speak.

It sucks when he actually speaks though.

 

[moron]

Thank you for all the responses - much appreciated, as I now know I was not being moronic when thinking about him the way I do. Do any of you remember that day on ITV when after one of our games he bought Jari Litmanen into the infamous 'TACTICS TRUCK' ? - the look on Jari's face after Andy gave his analysis on his performance was priceless. He looked at him like - "Who the fuck are you cunt ? are you my boss or what ?'

Totally agree that he represents the average footy fan - especially those that support London clubs;

 

[dogboy]

Commercial tv in trying to make money shocker!

 

[RolandG]

Isn't Townsend an ex Villan and Chav? That explains his attitude towards us.

 

[nealmac]

Townsend being a cunt. There's a turn up.