I noticed something yesterday, and I started making notes... for no real reason. I don't really want to do a blog or anything but I thought I might as well stick it here coz I thought it was interesting. Here goes...
Who spectates The Spectator? Well someone has to... I follow that magazine on the twits, so as to keep my BoJo-massive hatred levels simmering at DEFCON 2. All their columns read as if written by an inbred island tribe descended from a shipwrecked Peter Hitchens and Clare Balding.
Earlier, I was clicking through their timeline in awe of risible tales of how meditation is bad because it's not Jesus, and discussions about the depth of David Cameron's love of fox hunting when I saw a tweet pop up linking to a story that was just so massively Spectatory that I had to have a bit of a deeper dig.
Here it is, have a read, it's only very short: http://blogs.spectator.co.uk/steerp...ed-miliband-for-standing-against-his-brother/
Well... Yeah, you're right, it's nothing. But it's so deeply completely nothing it's something. See, that tweet by Emily Sheffield... It doesn't even have a single favourite or retweet. Before it was Spectated it was a tree that made no sound as it fell in the woods. At least when Buzzfeed steals people's tweets it nicks good ones that other people have enjoyed and shared.
So why was this news? Why was it in The Spectator? Well... I had a look down Emily Sheffield's timeline. I mean she's the editor of Vogue and sister in law of David Cameron so she must have some interesting shit to say... I mean The Spectator clearly hang on her every word... But the first thing that caught my attention was a few tweets down, in which she mentions her husband was on the front of The Times T2, on account of his lovely new restaurant, Kitty Fisher's, being the talk of the town. Well The Times is behind a paywall so I guessed that The Spectator may have reviewed the place... and not only have they, but they make a big deal about it being the new haunt of Dave and Sam Cam. I kept reading, waiting for the big reveal... you know, the bit about how they go there because it's their in-laws new vanity project and not because it's dead nice... but it never comes... So I google more generally about the place, and here are some of the things that ten mins on the internet reveals.
1) The place seats only 40 people.
2) The three guys who opened it are part time actors / full time aristocrats who met at Eton.
3) The Camerons dine there
4) It's had three separate 5 star reviews in The Evening Standard this year already
5) It's had gushing praise from pretty much every paper. The telegraph, the independent, the guardian, all the mags... everywhere
6) The Camerons dine there
7) Every single article mentions that The Camerons dine there
8) Not a single article mentions that it's because they're family.
9) The building is owned by one of the guy's dads... Mayfair may well be owned by a combination of their dads.
10) Tom Parker Bowles, stepson of the future fucking King, gives it a 5 star review in The Daily Mail, and says that although he knows it's booked out months in advance he called on the off chance! Gave in a false name! and got lucky! He doesn't mention that he's related to everyone who has anything to do with the place. He doesn't mention the in laws, no one does. He does say one of the owners is a friend of a friend. Which one? Who was the uniquely facilitating node, the friend that bound them? The Queen? Jimmy Savile? He says that although the beef is expensive at 80 quid, he's sure there's no margin in it. Presumably because he knows it's actually the meat of kidnapped street urchins.
11) First rule of Kitty club is you do not talk about Cam Club.
The awkward thing about all this is, maybe it really is a dead nice place to eat. I'm sure the lizards only swallow their live mice when they're not amongst humans. And they do need somewhere to relax. Where else would this generation's Cyril Smiths, Lord Janners and Jeffrey Archers go to chill with their peers after a long jizz and blood soaked day complaining about the entitled homeless? So yeah, it might be really nice... But how would you know? How do these reviews mean anything? Every journalist is hiding the truth of the reptilian connections for fear that today's special might be a visit from special branch, and they're as likely to gush praise to keep their jobs as to suck up for an MBE somewhere down the line.
But we're all in it together. There's nothing special about these guys, they simply had a go and are an example to any other bored kept forty something actors who went to school with the Prime Minister and married into his family. It's inspiration to us all - any one of us could mothball our country houses and stow away our rifles and open a tiny restaurant in one of our dad's properties in Mayfair, and even if we weren't currently married to the managing editor of vogue, who only has to puff out a silent but violent to get a column written about her in The Spectator, I'm sure it would get just as much coverage in the press.
Who spectates The Spectator? Well someone has to... I follow that magazine on the twits, so as to keep my BoJo-massive hatred levels simmering at DEFCON 2. All their columns read as if written by an inbred island tribe descended from a shipwrecked Peter Hitchens and Clare Balding.
Earlier, I was clicking through their timeline in awe of risible tales of how meditation is bad because it's not Jesus, and discussions about the depth of David Cameron's love of fox hunting when I saw a tweet pop up linking to a story that was just so massively Spectatory that I had to have a bit of a deeper dig.
Here it is, have a read, it's only very short: http://blogs.spectator.co.uk/steerp...ed-miliband-for-standing-against-his-brother/
Well... Yeah, you're right, it's nothing. But it's so deeply completely nothing it's something. See, that tweet by Emily Sheffield... It doesn't even have a single favourite or retweet. Before it was Spectated it was a tree that made no sound as it fell in the woods. At least when Buzzfeed steals people's tweets it nicks good ones that other people have enjoyed and shared.
So why was this news? Why was it in The Spectator? Well... I had a look down Emily Sheffield's timeline. I mean she's the editor of Vogue and sister in law of David Cameron so she must have some interesting shit to say... I mean The Spectator clearly hang on her every word... But the first thing that caught my attention was a few tweets down, in which she mentions her husband was on the front of The Times T2, on account of his lovely new restaurant, Kitty Fisher's, being the talk of the town. Well The Times is behind a paywall so I guessed that The Spectator may have reviewed the place... and not only have they, but they make a big deal about it being the new haunt of Dave and Sam Cam. I kept reading, waiting for the big reveal... you know, the bit about how they go there because it's their in-laws new vanity project and not because it's dead nice... but it never comes... So I google more generally about the place, and here are some of the things that ten mins on the internet reveals.
1) The place seats only 40 people.
2) The three guys who opened it are part time actors / full time aristocrats who met at Eton.
3) The Camerons dine there
4) It's had three separate 5 star reviews in The Evening Standard this year already
5) It's had gushing praise from pretty much every paper. The telegraph, the independent, the guardian, all the mags... everywhere
6) The Camerons dine there
7) Every single article mentions that The Camerons dine there
8) Not a single article mentions that it's because they're family.
9) The building is owned by one of the guy's dads... Mayfair may well be owned by a combination of their dads.
10) Tom Parker Bowles, stepson of the future fucking King, gives it a 5 star review in The Daily Mail, and says that although he knows it's booked out months in advance he called on the off chance! Gave in a false name! and got lucky! He doesn't mention that he's related to everyone who has anything to do with the place. He doesn't mention the in laws, no one does. He does say one of the owners is a friend of a friend. Which one? Who was the uniquely facilitating node, the friend that bound them? The Queen? Jimmy Savile? He says that although the beef is expensive at 80 quid, he's sure there's no margin in it. Presumably because he knows it's actually the meat of kidnapped street urchins.
11) First rule of Kitty club is you do not talk about Cam Club.
The awkward thing about all this is, maybe it really is a dead nice place to eat. I'm sure the lizards only swallow their live mice when they're not amongst humans. And they do need somewhere to relax. Where else would this generation's Cyril Smiths, Lord Janners and Jeffrey Archers go to chill with their peers after a long jizz and blood soaked day complaining about the entitled homeless? So yeah, it might be really nice... But how would you know? How do these reviews mean anything? Every journalist is hiding the truth of the reptilian connections for fear that today's special might be a visit from special branch, and they're as likely to gush praise to keep their jobs as to suck up for an MBE somewhere down the line.
But we're all in it together. There's nothing special about these guys, they simply had a go and are an example to any other bored kept forty something actors who went to school with the Prime Minister and married into his family. It's inspiration to us all - any one of us could mothball our country houses and stow away our rifles and open a tiny restaurant in one of our dad's properties in Mayfair, and even if we weren't currently married to the managing editor of vogue, who only has to puff out a silent but violent to get a column written about her in The Spectator, I'm sure it would get just as much coverage in the press.
