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Weird Women

[quote author=Portly link=topic=23425.msg566479#msg566479 date=1210462630]
Great story!

The moral is that you know where you are with football and ale. :)
[/quote]

Man thats so true.

*cracks a morning tinny*
 
Hahahahaha.

I love your stories.

They remind me I'm not the only one whose led a mentalist life before settling down.

I cant be arsed re-writing mine, most of you have read it, the lunatic from Rochdale that now thinks I'm dead cos it's the only way we could stop her being such a stalking freak.

Shame, she really was stunning, & fantastic in bed, but then most mentalist girls are it seems.
 
[quote author=FoxForceFive link=topic=23425.msg566728#msg566728 date=1210505405]
Shame, she really was stunning, & fantastic in bed, but then most mentalist girls are it seems.
[/quote]

Interesting you should say that - I had a mentalist woman who was fantastic in bed and thought I was the greatest lover since Casanova or Peter Stringfellow.

However the fantastic sex wasn't worth the incredible hassle she created for me with her mentalism and I very reluctantly had to walk out on her.
 
Yep mentalism and 'freeky deeky' go hand in hand.
 
[quote author=Portly link=topic=23425.msg566736#msg566736 date=1210505917]
Interesting you should say that - I had a mentalist woman who was fantastic in bed and thought I was the greatest lover since Casanova or Peter Stringfellow.

However the fantastic sex wasn't worth the incredible hassle she created for me with her mentalism and I very reluctantly had to walk out on her.
[/quote]

The two most definitely go hand in hand.

Shame, but then it made my earlier years in life soooo much more interesting, so I wouldnt change a thing.
 
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg566740#msg566740 date=1210506060]
Yep mentalism and 'freeky deeky' go hand in hand.

[/quote]

Fundamental law of nature. A freak with a normal personality is the Holy Grail.
 
[quote author=Portly link=topic=23425.msg566736#msg566736 date=1210505917]
[quote author=FoxForceFive link=topic=23425.msg566728#msg566728 date=1210505405]
Shame, she really was stunning, & fantastic in bed, but then most mentalist girls are it seems.
[/quote]

Interesting you should say that - I had a mentalist woman who was fantastic in bed and thought I was the greatest lover since Casanova or Peter Stringfellow.

However the fantastic sex wasn't worth the incredible hassle she created for me with her mentalism and I very reluctantly had to walk out on her.
[/quote]

I thought I was great in bed, but just turns out she is Asthmatic :-[
 
Hahaha same thing, but my elbow was blocking her drip.
 
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg566467#msg566467 date=1210460452]
And then she says she understands, and she lays him on his back and begins to suck his dick, and then she climbs on top and start fucking him and he notices she is crying and gradually the tears are turning to wails as she is fucking him, then she starts to shout i forgive you and she punches him in the face. Paul says (i guess) 'WHAT THE FUCK' and she keeps fucking and says im sorry and punches him in the face again, and he tries to get up and she fucks him down and punches him screaming saying hes a bastard and he's scared now and tries to get up, but she fucks him down and keeps fucking him and punching him in the face and screaming and then she cums, he cums, she says i cant forgive you ever and kicks him out. [/quote]

Fucking wonderful.

I love you.
 
Thanks.
Im not sure why you love me, but i likes it.
 
Oooooh thems big words.

*doesnt think hes ever been happier about anything anyone has ever said about him ever*
X
 
I was once thrown out my girlfriends house for not wanting to play Twister with her and some of our friends. I was 21 odd at the time and thought she was joking. She insisted I left so I went to get my bike and cycle the 5 miles home and she'd chained it up and refused to release it. Then she told my friends that I'd threatened to beat her if she didn't release it. Then she announced that she was calling the police as I was trespassing!

So I left. She turned up the next day at mine begging for forgiveness blaming the drink. I was talking to her from the upstairs window and she started wailing for forgiveness so loud that people were coming out of their houses. She wouldn't shut up so I went to the bathroom filled a bucket of water and just emptied it on her to shut her up. So she called the police!

They turned up and basically told her to do one but warned me that any repeat of this could be construed as harrassment. She was clearly mental.
 
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg566463#msg566463 date=1210458794]
Okay.
I was at a work conference, and late on (im always last at the bar) im sat with two other managers from different stores who i havnt met before. A bloke who i cant remember and this chick Becky.
I have always had a sneaky thing for redheads, and she was quite red-headed, and she looked THROUGH me with her eyes, and i fucking love people who do that. You know what i mean, they stare into your eyes and are violating your soul. Most women do this when they are drunk, their eyes screaming 'You are amazing, i love listening to you, and i want to fuck you to death later'
She hang out when everyone else had gone and we got on like a house on fire.

We stayed in touch after the meeting and eventually i agreed to go and visit her in Boston (lincs not massa) i got there in the evening, and she started telling me about the stump (look it up) and i have since found out that everyone in Boston does that.
So we went to hers and from there to some fucking studenty bar where some fucking studenty band she knew was playing, and i was all like 'Oh this is soo cool' which it wasnt but what the fuck.
We meet a fucking mishmash of oddball friends, wierd girl who lived in a house with no furniture (i didnt ask) her lesbian sister and her lover who had like 40 cats and were all about 'girl power' but still got me to fucking move their washing machine. A skinny bloke from her work who was so fucking flightly i thought he would take off.
I was already thinking, this was all a bit odd, but still i was in her town and my train wasnt leaving for a day or two so i thought fuck it.
We went back to hers that night and.....well basically i said i didnt want to fuck her because we had only just met, and she basically just went ahead and raped me anyway.
I went home thinking 'i HAVE to see this girl again' and a week or two later she visited and was really fucking wierd around all my friends and family doing things like not talking and just smiling and staring into space. She was freaking me out a bit, but then at mine she raped me again, and i thought, this just might work.

I have no idea how long later or whose idea it was but she moved in, she packed her whole life into a mini metro and drove to my house. She put a green sheet on my bed that first night, which i didnt like, she also played Lennon 'Watching the wheels go round' and tried to explain to me how it was this amazing experience, then she played Jim fucking Croce 'time in a bottle' again and a fucking gain and she didnt have a cd player and put a record player under the bed and would just reach down and put these shitty songs on again and again and rock from side to side humming. OH yeah the other one was Don Mclean 'Chain lightening' and she wanted to listen to it during coitus and it was fucking freaking me out.
She carried my poetry around everywhere and started telling people i was 'a poet' she got obsessed with Dylan and would make me sit for hours playing every dylan track and explaining the lyrics and shit........oh fuck its all coming back.
I introduced her to my Sister and she told MY FUCKING SISTER that i had a big cock and was great in bed. I was fucking mortified, although not i would think as much as my sister. I took her to my familys for christmas, and within ten minutes of us arriving she dissapeared upstairs and didnt re-appear.
Ok so these are the REAL issues. I have a very weird metabolism, and i get hungry at really odd times, and she would freak out if i didnt want any food when she did. But the worst thing was her insane Jealousy. She was fucking terrifyingly jealous. I was working away in Milton keynes which was at best an hour and a half drive home, and if i was five minutes later one night than the last, she would fly into a fucking hysterical rage and id have to hold her arms untill she calmed down, and then she would sit on the bed sobbing uncontrollably. I was fucking gutted. It went on for a while with certain things getting more and more scary, i found out she was following me and asking friends about my actions. She then told me that her dad had hung himself and that she had found him, that her brother was a manic depressive and that she had to look after him etc etc it was all so fucking barmy. She was so fucking off key i couldnt begin to remember everything at all, but i have tried to get at least some of the oddness down here for you.
So one day i get home from work and she is sitting on the (green sheeted) bed and crying and tells me there is something she has to tell me, but cant...... the conversation lasts hours with her crying i just cant i cant tell you, etc etc
Eventually i get fucked off and no longer care what the fuck this nutty cunt wants to tell me but cant, so i fuck off out. I am so at the end of my tether, i cant take this barmy shit no mo, so i wait for her to go to work the next day and i pack all her shit in her shitty little Metro and when she gets home and says what the fuck, i tell her to jog the fuck on, cos you are a nut etc etc.

She sporadically turns up at the house sobbing and shit, and bringing blokes round to make me pissed off, and i am thinking poor cunt, run for your life. We are at a managers meeting and she spent (i shit you not) the WHOLE 7 hours staring at the ceiling and whittering to herself and laughing. I am startin to get freaked out and thinking maybe this bitch gonna kill me, when suddenly out of the blue, she dissapears. She has left her job and fucking vanished POOF!

Then about a month later this lad i know tells me she is working in a clares accessories in Boston and that she never speaks of living in Maidenhead.
A few months after this i am helping my company close all their stores down before they pulled out of the country, and i am in boston with the fucking circus freaks, and she walks in and says (as if its the most normal thing in the world) 'I think we need to have a coffee' I think fuck it i'll go incase she stabs me or something. She sits down opposite and tells me that she has sorted herself out, she has a new man who isnt a patch on me yadda yadda, then out of nowhere she says
'I do love him Andy but....' and she leans into me 'he beats me'
I get up and fucking walk out of the coffee shop go to the store, finish my job and leave and am sighing with relief as i drive down the A1.

That chick was astonishingly mental. I think she may have had some bad shit in her past, and i should have given her a massive swerve but fuck it, if nothing else its a decent story on here eh?
[/quote]

This story is just a shabby pretext to tell everyone you have a big cock.
 
I dont think i do Doc, i think maybe she just fucked midgets before me.
 
[quote author=Spionkop69 link=topic=23425.msg567395#msg567395 date=1210531374]
I was once thrown out my girlfriends house for not wanting to play Twister with her and some of our friends. I was 21 odd at the time and thought she was joking. She insisted I left so I went to get my bike and cycle the 5 miles home and she'd chained it up and refused to release it. Then she told my friends that I'd threatened to beat her if she didn't release it. Then she announced that she was calling the police as I was trespassing!

So I left. She turned up the next day at mine begging for forgiveness blaming the drink. I was talking to her from the upstairs window and she started wailing for forgiveness so loud that people were coming out of their houses. She wouldn't shut up so I went to the bathroom filled a bucket of water and just emptied it on her to shut her up. So she called the police!

They turned up and basically told her to do one but warned me that any repeat of this could be construed as harrassment. She was clearly mental.


[/quote]

Ha ha

I can't believe you threw a bucket of water over her. Were Torville and Dean on the telly or something?
 
[quote author=Mr Moominpoops link=topic=23425.msg567429#msg567429 date=1210533525]
[quote author=Spionkop69 link=topic=23425.msg567395#msg567395 date=1210531374]
I was once thrown out my girlfriends house for not wanting to play Twister with her and some of our friends. I was 21 odd at the time and thought she was joking. She insisted I left so I went to get my bike and cycle the 5 miles home and she'd chained it up and refused to release it. Then she told my friends that I'd threatened to beat her if she didn't release it. Then she announced that she was calling the police as I was trespassing!

So I left. She turned up the next day at mine begging for forgiveness blaming the drink. I was talking to her from the upstairs window and she started wailing for forgiveness so loud that people were coming out of their houses. She wouldn't shut up so I went to the bathroom filled a bucket of water and just emptied it on her to shut her up. So she called the police!

They turned up and basically told her to do one but warned me that any repeat of this could be construed as harrassment. She was clearly mental.


[/quote]

Ha ha

I can't believe you threw a bucket of water over her. Were Torville and Dean on the telly or something?
[/quote]

Robin Cousins actually.
 
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg567405#msg567405 date=1210532299]
I dont think i do Doc, i think maybe she just fucked midgets before me.
[/quote]

Midgets have pretty big cocks.
 
[quote author=robinhood link=topic=23425.msg567529#msg567529 date=1210538280]
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg567405#msg567405 date=1210532299]
I dont think i do Doc, i think maybe she just fucked midgets before me.
[/quote]

Midgets have pretty big cocks.
[/quote]

they don't.
 
A midget with a big cock would look like a tripod.
 
Maybe Robin was with a black midget and now he thinks all midgets are like that.
 
[quote author=Spionkop69 link=topic=23425.msg567395#msg567395 date=1210531374]
She wouldn't shut up so I went to the bathroom filled a bucket of water and just emptied it on her to shut her up.
[/quote]

Haha.

[quote author=Mr Moominpoops link=topic=23425.msg567429#msg567429 date=1210533525]
I can't believe you threw a bucket of water over her. Were Torville and Dean on the telly or something?
[/quote]

Haha.

Funny thread.

Haha.
 
[quote author=Asbo link=topic=23425.msg565861#msg565861 date=1210409108]
[quote author=Misred link=topic=23425.msg565837#msg565837 date=1210407336]
There are weird guys out there too!
[/quote]

Give us an example Misred!

Got to be a true one that is first or 2nd hand (like from a close friend) not one of those Urban myth thingys...
[/quote]

Ok, I was about 9 years old and my parents had split up roughly a year previously, one of my sisters had already moved out and the other was at an age where the less time spent at home the better. I wake up one morning, as usual, and go downstairs, as you do, and find a man in the kitchen. The fact that he was making a cup of tea reassumed me that he had been invited into our house rather than the scarier alternative. I disliked him the instant I saw him, I don't know why, there was nothing I could put my finger on, I felt unnerved in his presence, and although he was smiling and saying hello, I saw contempt in the smile and heard annoyance in his voice. To be honest, looking back, I think what I really saw and felt, whenever in his presence, was evil. Anyway, back to our kitchen, I'd barely finished saying hello when my mum walks out of the bathroom (which adjoined the kitchen) and introduces the creepy fella as 'Derek'. So, that was how it began, he was in my life for the next few years, I don't know exactly how many, I've blocked out a lot of that time of my life.
The weirdness started almost straight away, little, subtle things at first. He brought a mug from his house and left it at ours, and whenever he had tea or coffee, it always had to be in that mug. If I made tea and forgot to use his mug, he would 'tut' and then pour it away, he wouldn't even attempt to take a sip, he also did the same with a glass, any beer or spirit or anything else he drank had to be in ‘his’ glass, although he wouldn't pour alcohol away, but he would have to tip it into the correct glass. He had a thing about socks too, they had to match, he could only wear pairs, and freaked out if he saw someone else wearing odd socks. One weekend Derek was looking after our dog, mum had gone away for a couple of days and I was staying at my Dads. For no apparent reason he let the dog go, I think it was a ploy to get mum home (she was visiting her sister, who lived a couple of hours away). Derek rang mum crying, saying that the dog had gone, he’d let him out, so he could go for a walk, thought he would come back but he hadn’t. Mum was distraught, and so was I, the dog turned up at our home some time later (I think it was the next day!).
I noticed lots of odd little things but I’ve forgotten most of them now. Then came the big stuff, occasionally he used to phone up, any time of day or night and not speak but just heavy breathe (it didn’t matter who answered, he did it to my mum too), or sometimes he was just silent, and other times he would hang up the instant you answered. He might repeat this many times, in a short space of time, or maybe a couple of days in a row or he would just do it once or twice and then not do it again for weeks. A couple of years down the line and they were engaged but had broken up and got back together a couple of times along the way, the frequency of the weird phone calls increased during the periods they were separated. At the time I didn’t really know why they split up nor why mum took him back, I was young and oblivious to most of it and I didn’t like him so had no interest in what was going on, I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. After they got engaged and he was spending most of his time at our house (thankfully mum hadn’t completely moved him in, he still had his own house), and I was a little older and more aware I came to realise that he abused her. They were both very heavy drinkers, and would have huge, violent arguments and he would throw things at her and hit her. I guess this is why they had split up several times over the years, but one night was particularly bad, worse than I had ever heard, and eventually he left. Mum told him the next day that it was over. Then he started stalking her, the phone calls came every night then, and he would sit in his car outside our house, and follow her in his car when she walked to work. She worked in a pub so he would sit at the bar drinking, while she was working, and when she was off he would deliberately go too all her usual haunts to find her. He phoned all her/their friends and fed them lies about my mum and their relationship. In the end mum reconciled with him but only to talk to him to try to get him to stop, it all ended in another violent explosion from him, mum wouldn’t let him in the house so he punched the glass through in our front door and mum phoned the police. After that it stopped. He still made those freaky phone calls occasionally, but I don’t remember him ever coming round again. A few months later he went on holiday to Thailand with a mate and came home with a Thai bride, gloated about it, showed her off (every now and then mum would bump into them at a party or in a pub), she didn’t speak a word of English, poor woman!
 
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