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Weird Women

Asbo

Active
Member
Anyone ever meet a really weird woman?

My mate kopped off one night and went back to this girls place, stayed the night and didn't turn up to meet us next day in the pub.

When he woke up she was washing every item of his in her washing machine, his watch and leather shoes included!

She looked fit but was a metalist!

Anyone meet anything similar in there sexual travels??
 
[quote author=Asbo link=topic=23425.msg565394#msg565394 date=1210339378]
Anyone ever meet a really weird woman?

My mate kopped off one night and went back to this girls place, stayed the night and didn't turn up to meet us next day in the pub.

When he woke up she was washing every item of his in her washing machine, his watch and leather shoes included!

She looked fit but was a metalist!

Anyone meet anything similar in there sexual travels??
[/quote]

Ha! Was he tied to the bed?
 
[quote author=Portly link=topic=23425.msg565405#msg565405 date=1210339741]
It would be quite difficult finding a normal one, Asbo.
[/quote]

Ha ha, boom tish!
 
[quote author=Asbo link=topic=23425.msg565394#msg565394 date=1210339378]
Anyone ever meet a really weird woman?

My mate kopped off one night and went back to this girls place, stayed the night and didn't turn up to meet us next day in the pub.

When he woke up she was washing every item of his in her washing machine, his watch and leather shoes included!

She looked fit but was a metalist!

Anyone meet anything similar in there sexual travels??
[/quote]

most people call them rock chicks
 
[quote author=Portly link=topic=23425.msg565433#msg565433 date=1210340993]
I was waiting for you to turn up. Anita! ;)
[/quote]

Well I didn't wanna disappoint you old fella!
 
[quote author=TheBunnyman link=topic=23425.msg565420#msg565420 date=1210340336]
[quote author=Asbo link=topic=23425.msg565394#msg565394 date=1210339378]

[/quote]

Ha! Was he tied to the bed?

[/quote]

No he was asleep and supposed to meet us in town on the Sunday but never turned up until just before closing, we were all "Oh she must have been really good if you stayed that long!"

He told us his tale of woe, she kept on saying they were all dirty, and that he was dirty and should get a bath, he said he waited until the washing machine stopped and then dragged everything out got dressed in soaking wet clothes and had to walk home (in winter) like that because all his money was mush ( pound notes then not coins )
 
Oh i've got a beauty for this thread.
More later.
 
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg565474#msg565474 date=1210344269]
Oh i've got a beauty for this thread.
More later.
[/quote]

we're ready oncey..
 
ALL women are nuts but they own vaginas so therefore we tolerate them.
 
[quote author=keegansboots link=topic=23425.msg565746#msg565746 date=1210370515]
ALL women are nuts but they own vaginas so therefore we tolerate them.
[/quote]

No. We own their vaginas, they just keep them warm for us.

*runs like fuk*
 
[quote author=foureyes link=topic=23425.msg565749#msg565749 date=1210370626]
[quote author=keegansboots link=topic=23425.msg565746#msg565746 date=1210370515]
ALL women are nuts but they own vaginas so therefore we tolerate them.
[/quote]

No. We own their vaginas, they just keep them warm for us.

*runs like fuk*
[/quote]I wish that was true.
 
[quote author=keegansboots link=topic=23425.msg565758#msg565758 date=1210371562]
[quote author=foureyes link=topic=23425.msg565749#msg565749 date=1210370626]
[quote author=keegansboots link=topic=23425.msg565746#msg565746 date=1210370515]
ALL women are nuts but they own vaginas so therefore we tolerate them.
[/quote]

No. We own their vaginas, they just keep them warm for us.

*runs like fuk*
[/quote]I wish that was true.
[/quote]

Maybe we should have a Tevez/Mascherano like arrangement where we just own the rights...
 
I think every man has.

There was a thread on this on 606 bbc forums last year.

Best thread ever.
 
I forgot.
I'll do it later.
Heres the teaser, there are two.
One was mine, one my best mates.
Jan and Becky.
Its worth the wait.
 
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg565840#msg565840 date=1210407545]
I forgot.
I'll do it later.
Heres the teaser, there are two.
One was mine, one my best mates.
Jan and Becky.
Its worth the wait.
[/quote]

Ohh I thought you'd gone out doing 'field research' down one of the local Sausage factories, is the She Club still going???
 
[quote author=Misred link=topic=23425.msg565837#msg565837 date=1210407336]
There are weird guys out there too!
[/quote]

Give us an example Misred!

Got to be a true one that is first or 2nd hand (like from a close friend) not one of those Urban myth thingys...
 
[quote author=Asbo link=topic=23425.msg565861#msg565861 date=1210409108]
[quote author=Misred link=topic=23425.msg565837#msg565837 date=1210407336]
There are weird guys out there too!
[/quote]

Give us an example Misred!

Got to be a true one that is first or 2nd hand (like from a close friend) not one of those Urban myth thingys...
[/quote]

I think she is talking about Herr Onceared
 
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg565869#msg565869 date=1210410128]
I dont think im wierd.
She may.
[/quote]

It was a joke, I needed to lighten the mood because I was considering posting a reply to Mark Mc's 500th 'I hate Rafa Benitez and love that stupid Portuguese twat thread'
 
[quote author=refugee link=topic=23425.msg565881#msg565881 date=1210410816]
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg565869#msg565869 date=1210410128]
I dont think im wierd.
She may.
[/quote]

It was a joke, I needed to lighten the mood because I was considering posting a reply to Mark Mc's 500th 'I hate Rafa Benitez and love that stupid Portuguese twat thread'
[/quote]

lol I'm afraid I got drawn in, but I'm staying well away from it now, I'll read but not post in the footy section, I like it here, but hate the negativity and arguments
 
[quote author=Asbo link=topic=23425.msg565888#msg565888 date=1210411306]
[quote author=refugee link=topic=23425.msg565881#msg565881 date=1210410816]
[quote author=Herr Onceared link=topic=23425.msg565869#msg565869 date=1210410128]
I dont think im wierd.
She may.
[/quote]

It was a joke, I needed to lighten the mood because I was considering posting a reply to Mark Mc's 500th 'I hate Rafa Benitez and love that stupid Portuguese twat thread'
[/quote]

lol I'm afraid I got drawn in, but I'm staying well away from it now, I'll read but not post in the footy section, I like it here, but hate the negativity and arguments
[/quote]

I couldn't help myself. I think you have made a very good decision, I might give that another try myself.
 
Okay.
I was at a work conference, and late on (im always last at the bar) im sat with two other managers from different stores who i havnt met before. A bloke who i cant remember and this chick Becky.
I have always had a sneaky thing for redheads, and she was quite red-headed, and she looked THROUGH me with her eyes, and i fucking love people who do that. You know what i mean, they stare into your eyes and are violating your soul. Most women do this when they are drunk, their eyes screaming 'You are amazing, i love listening to you, and i want to fuck you to death later'
She hang out when everyone else had gone and we got on like a house on fire.

We stayed in touch after the meeting and eventually i agreed to go and visit her in Boston (lincs not massa) i got there in the evening, and she started telling me about the stump (look it up) and i have since found out that everyone in Boston does that.
So we went to hers and from there to some fucking studenty bar where some fucking studenty band she knew was playing, and i was all like 'Oh this is soo cool' which it wasnt but what the fuck.
We meet a fucking mishmash of oddball friends, wierd girl who lived in a house with no furniture (i didnt ask) her lesbian sister and her lover who had like 40 cats and were all about 'girl power' but still got me to fucking move their washing machine. A skinny bloke from her work who was so fucking flightly i thought he would take off.
I was already thinking, this was all a bit odd, but still i was in her town and my train wasnt leaving for a day or two so i thought fuck it.
We went back to hers that night and.....well basically i said i didnt want to fuck her because we had only just met, and she basically just went ahead and raped me anyway.
I went home thinking 'i HAVE to see this girl again' and a week or two later she visited and was really fucking wierd around all my friends and family doing things like not talking and just smiling and staring into space. She was freaking me out a bit, but then at mine she raped me again, and i thought, this just might work.

I have no idea how long later or whose idea it was but she moved in, she packed her whole life into a mini metro and drove to my house. She put a green sheet on my bed that first night, which i didnt like, she also played Lennon 'Watching the wheels go round' and tried to explain to me how it was this amazing experience, then she played Jim fucking Croce 'time in a bottle' again and a fucking gain and she didnt have a cd player and put a record player under the bed and would just reach down and put these shitty songs on again and again and rock from side to side humming. OH yeah the other one was Don Mclean 'Chain lightening' and she wanted to listen to it during coitus and it was fucking freaking me out.
She carried my poetry around everywhere and started telling people i was 'a poet' she got obsessed with Dylan and would make me sit for hours playing every dylan track and explaining the lyrics and shit........oh fuck its all coming back.
I introduced her to my Sister and she told MY FUCKING SISTER that i had a big cock and was great in bed. I was fucking mortified, although not i would think as much as my sister. I took her to my familys for christmas, and within ten minutes of us arriving she dissapeared upstairs and didnt re-appear.
Ok so these are the REAL issues. I have a very weird metabolism, and i get hungry at really odd times, and she would freak out if i didnt want any food when she did. But the worst thing was her insane Jealousy. She was fucking terrifyingly jealous. I was working away in Milton keynes which was at best an hour and a half drive home, and if i was five minutes later one night than the last, she would fly into a fucking hysterical rage and id have to hold her arms untill she calmed down, and then she would sit on the bed sobbing uncontrollably. I was fucking gutted. It went on for a while with certain things getting more and more scary, i found out she was following me and asking friends about my actions. She then told me that her dad had hung himself and that she had found him, that her brother was a manic depressive and that she had to look after him etc etc it was all so fucking barmy. She was so fucking off key i couldnt begin to remember everything at all, but i have tried to get at least some of the oddness down here for you.
So one day i get home from work and she is sitting on the (green sheeted) bed and crying and tells me there is something she has to tell me, but cant...... the conversation lasts hours with her crying i just cant i cant tell you, etc etc
Eventually i get fucked off and no longer care what the fuck this nutty cunt wants to tell me but cant, so i fuck off out. I am so at the end of my tether, i cant take this barmy shit no mo, so i wait for her to go to work the next day and i pack all her shit in her shitty little Metro and when she gets home and says what the fuck, i tell her to jog the fuck on, cos you are a nut etc etc.

She sporadically turns up at the house sobbing and shit, and bringing blokes round to make me pissed off, and i am thinking poor cunt, run for your life. We are at a managers meeting and she spent (i shit you not) the WHOLE 7 hours staring at the ceiling and whittering to herself and laughing. I am startin to get freaked out and thinking maybe this bitch gonna kill me, when suddenly out of the blue, she dissapears. She has left her job and fucking vanished POOF!

Then about a month later this lad i know tells me she is working in a clares accessories in Boston and that she never speaks of living in Maidenhead.
A few months after this i am helping my company close all their stores down before they pulled out of the country, and i am in boston with the fucking circus freaks, and she walks in and says (as if its the most normal thing in the world) 'I think we need to have a coffee' I think fuck it i'll go incase she stabs me or something. She sits down opposite and tells me that she has sorted herself out, she has a new man who isnt a patch on me yadda yadda, then out of nowhere she says
'I do love him Andy but....' and she leans into me 'he beats me'
I get up and fucking walk out of the coffee shop go to the store, finish my job and leave and am sighing with relief as i drive down the A1.

That chick was astonishingly mental. I think she may have had some bad shit in her past, and i should have given her a massive swerve but fuck it, if nothing else its a decent story on here eh?
 
Ok so my best buddy Paul and me are out on the pull in Maidenhead and he is chatting up this (in hindsight rather looney bird) and she is giving him all kind of come ons, and one thing leads to another and he goes back to her house (he was my flatmate) and over the coming weeks he begins to move in with her slowly but surely.
Before he does this, his Ex girlfriend Paula has asked if she can stay at ours for a while (paula was half brazilian and her mother was a brazilian hooker, and her and Paul had moved down from Boro together and had been getting on fine untill she started to fuck other guys) he says yeah cos what the fuck harm can it do, and as he begins to move out, she begins to move in. She also moves her HUGE asain boyfriend in, and he moves about four of his fucking mates in and they begin to.....well what could only be described as 'Run a drug business' in my fucking living room, and i am trying to sleep at night and hearing them take turns to fuck this silly whore in my fucking kitchen and shit, and they never EVER put fifty cunting p in the meter and sit in the fucking dark and then say yo Andy, we need tricity!! CUNTS.....ive digresed
So Paul has moved in with Jan, and her two kids aged 8 and 4 and he is playing daddy, and they drink white wine and listen to shite music and watch porn and its all fucking wierd, cos i can see Pauls soul dying but he tells me he is happy. Then our mate jon says that she tried to come onto him when Paul and me were out, and we are like 'Fuck off Jon' and we get on with our days/ Then one night Paul goes to get something (probably more cunting white wine) from the shop, and she grabs my cock and says he doesnt need to know or something like that. Im off and running, back to the house of horrors. The next day She phones and says it was a drunken mistake and it will never happen again, and i give her the benefit of the doubt, cos i dont want to hurt Paul, and i am irresistable (once you get to know me, and if you dont like Don mclean 'Chain lightening') so we go about our business, i take to popping round in the afternoons on my way to do deliveries for work just to make sure she isnt fucking anyone else, and talk eventually turns to Marraige.
She is a manic depressive who almost constantly tries to kill herself and drinks to cover that up, but Paul reckons a wedding will sort her out a date is set and we all go to Swainby in Yorkshire where Pauls family live for the wedding and its ace (this is where the amazing poo in the pocket story comes from) and everything seems good, and they go on honeymoon, and maybe Paul was right and everything would be okay.

Some time later Paul turns up on my doorstep (ive moved) and tells me she has kicked him out, because she believes he is untrustworthy. He says its over and asks if i fancy going away for a weekend and go to Nottingham where we hear its 5-1 in favour of women, but i cant fucking get off work so i bail and he goes with Jon ane he fucks a fat girl called Claire (which we all know is a fat girls name) and when he gets home i tell him jan has been round and is sorry and wants him back, so he goes to patch things up and things seem okay untill Jons conquest phones and spills the beans about the fat girl and Jan goes apeshit (which i dont get, cos they were on a break :) ) and tells him its over forever and he comes back to my house, and a day later she says she has forgiven him, cos they were on a break and all.
And he goes home and she makes him swear he will never ever fuck another fat girl called Claire, and he does cos he's a good guy. And then she says she understands, and she lays him on his back and begins to suck his dick, and then she climbs on top and start fucking him and he notices she is crying and gradually the tears are turning to wails as she is fucking him, then she starts to shout i forgive you and she punches him in the face. Paul says (i guess) 'WHAT THE FUCK' and she keeps fucking and says im sorry and punches him in the face again, and he tries to get up and she fucks him down and punches him screaming saying hes a bastard and he's scared now and tries to get up, but she fucks him down and keeps fucking him and punching him in the face and screaming and then she cums, he cums, she says i cant forgive you ever and kicks him out. And that was fucking that!!!!
We later find out that she has been cheating on him the whole length of their relationship, including on her hen night, on their WEDDING DAY, and throughout the whole relationship, including telling him she couldnt trust him and kicking him out and moving her ex IN for three days. She was nuttyer than squirrel shit that cunt.

Hes happily married again now with two beautiful twin girls, and we never EVER talk about that time.
 
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