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Liverpool v Crystal Palace Match Thread

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The tie should always finish around the centre of the belt, no shorter, no longer.

It's not fucking difficult, yet old men seem utterly incapable of doing this.

Sadly it is difficult. Some men of a certain age find the waistband of their trousers becomes more... dynamic. You get dressed in the mornings and attempt to find the sweet-spot, sitting at the top of your paunch, without being full on Simon Cowell and without splitting your meat and two veg to the point it looks like you have various fruit in your pockets. Unfortunately, gravity, motion, the weight of your phone etc, all collude to lower your waistband and, doubly unfortunately, there is a point, beyond which the trouser can enter free-fall as the waistband crests the summit of the paunch and... Well let me assure you, the last thing on your mind is the distance between waistband and tie. Hopefully, when you grow up and become FoxForceFifty, you will have taken much better care of your body than I and will never experience the ignominy of rapid waistband descent.
 
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'Can I help you, sir?'

'Er, yeah, I've got a Deliverwoo order for here. From Linda's Cafe - two bacon butties and a Fanta'.

'That sounds highly improbable, sir'.

'Please let me in'.

'Hang on - is that Christian Poulsen under that rug in your boot?'

'Blimey - how did HE get there?'
 
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