Depression
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Well, the black dog is back again. After so many years, I can't say it's been missed.
It's kind of weird for me, because whereas in the past I've always been in a position where my life is okay and therefore I had little 'reason' to be depressed, but I was, now for a change I've actually got shit to complain about.
And I guess it's hard, because all of the coping strategies that I've developed have been centred around moderating that internal dialogue and maintaining a healthy relationship with myself, to ward off those feelings of self-loathing and self-hatred. Now I find myself in a position where I feel okay about myself, but basically most of the things in my life are pretty shitty, and there's nothing to be done about them.
What do you do when actually you've got a reason to be depressed? Just be depressed until it all blows over?
I dunno man, it's weird
It's kind of weird for me, because whereas in the past I've always been in a position where my life is okay and therefore I had little 'reason' to be depressed, but I was, now for a change I've actually got shit to complain about.
And I guess it's hard, because all of the coping strategies that I've developed have been centred around moderating that internal dialogue and maintaining a healthy relationship with myself, to ward off those feelings of self-loathing and self-hatred. Now I find myself in a position where I feel okay about myself, but basically most of the things in my life are pretty shitty, and there's nothing to be done about them.
What do you do when actually you've got a reason to be depressed? Just be depressed until it all blows over?
I dunno man, it's weird
It's different for those of us who suffer depression though. People who don't will have genuine reasons to get down, or grieve, or panic over shitty decisions they've made, but they can compartmentalise them or deal with them & move on relatively quickly. We get that initial reaction, then fall unto depression because our brai chemistry works differently.
I get depressed around this time of year & I know it's because the days are grey & cloudy & I miss the sun, waking up to the sun makes a massive difference in my mood & when it goes after a few days I end up depressed.
That's a shitty, minor reason, but it spirals & ends up having the same effect as if I was grieving for someone or facing a mountain of debt I couldn't pay.
I try to deal with it the same way regardless of the trigger. Talking to people who understand, trying to explain to people I interact with why I may be not quite myself, forcing myself to walk outside a bit more & do some exercise, drink a bit more water, eat some more fruit regularly, even buying sunflower seeds to snack on (they increase serotonin in the brain & improve the effectiveness of neuro transmitters) these are all small things but the combination of them altogether helps massively, & the routine of making these small changes probably plays no small part in it either.
If the trigger for the depression (it's not the reason you're depressed remember, that's your brain chemistry being out of whack, easy to forget that when the big dog is sitting on your chest), is something that you should or can deal with, then try to. Write down what you can or might do, find someone to discuss it with & take action. If it's something out of your control, talk to someone about it anyway, it always helps.
That plus even some of the other small changes above puts you on the road to lifting your mood. There's no simple answer though mate, you know that as well as I do. You just give your brain the best chance of recovery & try to deal with the trigger anyway you can as soon as you're able.
If it's really bad, there's no shame in taking anti depressants, there's a reason they exist & it's to help you get to a place where you can help yourself.
Much love mate, you ever need anyone ro talk to then let me know. X
I get depressed around this time of year & I know it's because the days are grey & cloudy & I miss the sun, waking up to the sun makes a massive difference in my mood & when it goes after a few days I end up depressed.
That's a shitty, minor reason, but it spirals & ends up having the same effect as if I was grieving for someone or facing a mountain of debt I couldn't pay.
I try to deal with it the same way regardless of the trigger. Talking to people who understand, trying to explain to people I interact with why I may be not quite myself, forcing myself to walk outside a bit more & do some exercise, drink a bit more water, eat some more fruit regularly, even buying sunflower seeds to snack on (they increase serotonin in the brain & improve the effectiveness of neuro transmitters) these are all small things but the combination of them altogether helps massively, & the routine of making these small changes probably plays no small part in it either.
If the trigger for the depression (it's not the reason you're depressed remember, that's your brain chemistry being out of whack, easy to forget that when the big dog is sitting on your chest), is something that you should or can deal with, then try to. Write down what you can or might do, find someone to discuss it with & take action. If it's something out of your control, talk to someone about it anyway, it always helps.
That plus even some of the other small changes above puts you on the road to lifting your mood. There's no simple answer though mate, you know that as well as I do. You just give your brain the best chance of recovery & try to deal with the trigger anyway you can as soon as you're able.
If it's really bad, there's no shame in taking anti depressants, there's a reason they exist & it's to help you get to a place where you can help yourself.
Much love mate, you ever need anyone ro talk to then let me know. X
Speaking as someone who is very familiar with the black dog and all it's 'barks' - Try not to wallow in the mire. I always did and it led me to become a booze jockey (albeit one who is happily 18 months sober.... sort of
)Laugh at the little things and just reach out. Depression is an illness that everyone I have met can relate to. I know it sucks but your post and my answer is proof that there are people out there that 'get it' - Stay sound man X
Hope it all works out dude. I'm in one of them mild phases at the mo which is OK. I've been much worse so I'm trying to use it as a comparison to feel better.
I totally second the animal thing. A new housemate moved in with a cat and he's fucking ace.
Try to preoccupy yourself with anything and everything. When I'm too busy to breakdown I only panic in fits and breaks and when I'm occasionally free I can deal with it more cos its kinda nice.
Oh, and find a new team to support it might help haha x
I totally second the animal thing. A new housemate moved in with a cat and he's fucking ace.
Try to preoccupy yourself with anything and everything. When I'm too busy to breakdown I only panic in fits and breaks and when I'm occasionally free I can deal with it more cos its kinda nice.
Oh, and find a new team to support it might help haha x
So many people opening up in here is good to see.
As someone who has never suffered it, I had a very naïve view of it.
As time has gone by I've had countless friends and family suffer from this and it really is a nightmare of a condition.
Much praise and respect to those who continue to battle with this on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis.
As someone who has never suffered it, I had a very naïve view of it.
As time has gone by I've had countless friends and family suffer from this and it really is a nightmare of a condition.
Much praise and respect to those who continue to battle with this on a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly basis.
I never thought I'd get as dark as I have again lately, but I'm in as low a place as I've been since my early twenties and have been thinking very dark thoughts the last few weeks. Normally I just walk the dogs and have a nice meal with the family, go the gym, count my blessings and climb out of it. I've been arrogant enough to assume that I had it all figured out and if I did the right thing then I could counter it, but I've been on the edge lately. Actually starting private therapy tomorrow. Which is kinda funny coz doing the whole ancestory thing since my dad's death (my dad distanced himself from his family) has revealed I'm like half or eighth of somthing jewish. Actually I'm zero percent because it all goes down the female side, which makes the whole thing a sham, but it also explains why I'm dead clever and funny and have a big nose and stuff and maybe why I've also ended up in therapy tomorrow. But anyways, I reckon if I didn't have my boys and wife and knowing how much it would fuck them up I'd just kill myself. And it's so difficult to explain. Not to you. To me.
I'm sorry you've found your way back in to the pit. There's no words from an acquaintance on the internet to drag you out or help you. But please just know that you're loved by your family and friends, and you think they're great people. Surely they must be a fairly decent judge of character in thinking you're pretty special?
About you're last sentence, it's too close to home. I've even told the GP that in the past. I'm in the same mindset. Continuously. I think I could easily go off somewhere and be done, but then I picture her face and her explaining to the kids who are too young to grasp. And then thinking the worst of me as they grow up.
I think I can't for them
Then I think I'm a bastard for thinking of even contemplating such an act that could hurt them more than anything.
Then the cycle starts again.
Hope the therapy works out, big nose.
And that you get on top of things too Fabio.
And that you get on top of things too Fabio.
It's fucking nuts dude. My kids have been doing some really nice stuff and volunteering time and effort to homeless charities and I should be feeling proud and vicariously happy. I'm meant to be in some ace party in London tomorrow night and my wife is dying for me to go, thinking that kinda thing will fix me. But I just can't get into anything at all. I haven't been to my local pub (57 yards away) for months.
I walked 10 miles today, I think I feel better than this time yesterday. I hope you feel better too. There's something rotten in the culture, not us. You work all day helping people. That's why we can't give in.
Antidepressants are a mixed bag.
I've been on citalopram, sertraline and mirtazipine. All worked wonders until they didn't.
They work wonderfully in tandem with counselling, until the counselling stops working.
Done cbt twice and had decent spells on those 3 antidepressants.
I think private counselling is something I need to invest in. It's my last avenue before I declare myself a write off
I've been on citalopram, sertraline and mirtazipine. All worked wonders until they didn't.
They work wonderfully in tandem with counselling, until the counselling stops working.
Done cbt twice and had decent spells on those 3 antidepressants.
I think private counselling is something I need to invest in. It's my last avenue before I declare myself a write off
Yeah, I did do that 20 years ago but I felt that they took more than they gave. Might be back in that space again. Give it another few weeks.
I've got a toddler and an 8 month old
They're the time of life that should be giving me unbridled joy and enthusiasm. And I love them both to their very core. But I can feel in myself im Just going through the motions. Doing enough to get out of bed, exist , sleep, and then muster the strength to do it again
Some days I feel good and can have a laugh and a joke. But never outside the house. Avoid people like the plague.
Working with people with chronic illness doesn't help me either. I just beat myself up for feeling this way when these kids are dying right in front of me.
It's all just shit. Top to bottom.
To be honest, I had zero intention of telling anyone what im thinking at the minute. You just struck a chord.
Think I'm going to see if I feel improved by new year, then I might restart
I'll tell you straight, the most challenging time of my life was when I had young children. Don't expect them to cheer you up. They're a chore.
BUT. Do change jobs. This instant. You've done your time. You've helped enough. Switch.
They are a fucking chore and yeah, they make me genuinely smile and heart swell. They're just a mindfuck.
Believe me I know I need out. Been looking for other jobs on similar pay (need similar for bills) for well over a year. Very little takers for me. Bit shit, but is what it is.
I'd be interested to hear how the therapy goes Woland.
I don't seem to get to the depths others describe, but Fabio's line probably describes my scenario best:
I actually enjoy my work and love getting home to the soon to be 1 year old, so i wonder if its mainly a social anxiety i have. It's definitely an anxiety problem anyway
I don't seem to get to the depths others describe, but Fabio's line probably describes my scenario best:
I actually enjoy my work and love getting home to the soon to be 1 year old, so i wonder if its mainly a social anxiety i have. It's definitely an anxiety problem anyway
@Spionkop69 - your help is needed here mate.
I have only ever gotten to the suicidal point a very very long time, never since, thankfully. I dealt with it then by doing drugs for a few straight years, fucking, snorting & dropping pills to make myself happy, then found the remarkable mental healing qualities of lsd & sorted my head out to a large degree & got myself out of a daily routine of taking drugs.
I do suffer depression since, but never to those lows. I always, always get some level of depression when the days get shorter though. It's remarkable how much sunlight & vitamin d improve your mood without you realising it. Long spells of short days & little, if any, sunlight can be enough of a trigger to send me into a cycle of shit.
There's nothing this tit can say to help you Woland, & I'm sorry for that, but if you're that bad then you need to get some help, & you've recognised that & are doing something about it.
If your counsellor wants you to try anti depressants then don't immediately dismiss it, they tend to resist using them whenever possible, so if they recommend it then it's because they genuinely think they will help.
Your wife & kids may not understand what you're going through (fuck, it's hard to imagine anyone does when you can't see inside their head to know for sure), but they do love you & care for you.
These dickheads on the Internet do too, in our own way.
I'm glad you can talk about this with us, & I hope counselling does it's job. I had a few sessions way back when & it helped a great deal, had I continued then I'm sure it would have helped even more.
I do suffer depression since, but never to those lows. I always, always get some level of depression when the days get shorter though. It's remarkable how much sunlight & vitamin d improve your mood without you realising it. Long spells of short days & little, if any, sunlight can be enough of a trigger to send me into a cycle of shit.
There's nothing this tit can say to help you Woland, & I'm sorry for that, but if you're that bad then you need to get some help, & you've recognised that & are doing something about it.
If your counsellor wants you to try anti depressants then don't immediately dismiss it, they tend to resist using them whenever possible, so if they recommend it then it's because they genuinely think they will help.
Your wife & kids may not understand what you're going through (fuck, it's hard to imagine anyone does when you can't see inside their head to know for sure), but they do love you & care for you.
These dickheads on the Internet do too, in our own way.
I'm glad you can talk about this with us, & I hope counselling does it's job. I had a few sessions way back when & it helped a great deal, had I continued then I'm sure it would have helped even more.
I remember someone (who spent their life studying psychology & has written more books on the subject than most people have read) telling me something (I'm paraphrasing here):
"Everyone has social anxiety, most people just hide it well, & the more intelligent you are, the more likely you are to lose the ability to hide it from yourself & others"
Hey @Woland - We've met a few times now. I also met your son that time we all sunk 'Scouse Sunsets' in the Marriott. I'm hard pressed to find a more effervescent, clever, witty and talented soul such as yourself. The black dog bites.... It just does and it fucking sucks. I know only too well. I used to (and still on occasion) self medicate (which is stupid - I realise) - It's a head fuck for sure. Surround yourself with friends and family. Drop the pride and just be honest with how you feel (which for me was fucking hard). You'll find that whoever you decide to open up too I bet will be helpful and supportive.
I, personally get S.A.D which fucks me up every time the seasons change. It sounds strange but it's a truism. I've kind of learnt to plan ahead for it now which has helped. Don't heed the dark thoughts. The world is a million times more interesting with you in it. X L
I, personally get S.A.D which fucks me up every time the seasons change. It sounds strange but it's a truism. I've kind of learnt to plan ahead for it now which has helped. Don't heed the dark thoughts. The world is a million times more interesting with you in it. X L
